“That’s when I was in the breakfast room. The battery on my cell had run out, so I left it in my room to recharge.”
“Oh, so that’s what happened,” he said, sounding satisfied.
A perfectly natural explanation. Of course that was what happened. His trust in her had been built up over many years. Why should he doubt what she told him? She had never given him any cause to do that.
The lies burned inside her, and for her the relaxed mood was now gone. She started to clear the table.
“Hey, sit down,” he objected. “That can wait.”
Their conversation moved on to other topics, and her feeling of uneasiness soon disappeared. They put the children to bed and watched an exciting thriller on TV. She curled up on the sofa with Olle’s arm around her, the same as always. And yet it wasn’t.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 25
Things finally fell apart the following morning. Emma’s cell rang while she was in the shower, and Olle checked to see what the message was.
It said: “How are you? Longing for you. Kisses, Johan.”
When she came out of the shower, Olle was sitting at the kitchen table. His face was white with fury, and he was holding her cell phone in his hand.
The floor gave way beneath her. She realized at once that he knew. Through the window she saw the children playing outside in the rain.
“What is it?” she asked in a feeble voice.
“What the hell is going on?” he said, his voice thick with anger.
“What do you mean?”
She could feel her lower lip quivering.
“You got a message,” he shouted. “On this!” He waved her cell in the air. “From some Johan who is longing for you and sending you kisses. Who the hell is Johan? ”
“Just wait and I’ll explain,” she pleaded as she cautiously sat down on the very edge of a chair across from him.
At that moment she heard the front door open.
“Mamma, Mamma, my mittens are wet,” cried Sara. “Can I have another pair?”
“I’m coming,” she called. She went out to the entryway and found another pair. Her hands were shaking.
“Here, sweetheart. Now go back out and play with Filip. Mamma and Pappa need to be alone to talk. So why don’t you and your brother stay outside for a while. I’ll call you when we’re done.”
She gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek and then went back to her husband in the kitchen.
“I’ve wanted to tell you, but it’s been so difficult,” she said, giving him an entreating look. “I’ve been seeing somebody for a while, but I’m so confused. I don’t really know what I feel.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
His words cut right through her. She could hear how Olle was trying to control his anger by clenching his teeth. She didn’t dare look at him.
“It can’t be true! This is too fucking unbelievable!” he said.
He got up from the table and came to stand in front of her, still holding her cell phone in his hand.
“What the hell is going on here? Who is he?”
“He’s the journalist who interviewed me after Helena was killed. The journalist from TV. Johan Berg,” she said quietly.
Olle flung the cell phone to the floor with all his might. With a bang it was transformed into a pile of plastic and metal splinters. Then he turned to her.
“Have you been seeing him ever since then? Behind my back? For all these months?”
His face contorted with anger as he leaned toward her.
“Yes,” she said weakly. “But you have to let me explain. We haven’t been seeing each other the whole time.”
“Explain!” he shouted. “You can explain to your lawyer. Get out! I want you out of here!”
He grabbed her hard by the arm and yanked her out of the chair.
“Get out! You don’t belong here anymore. Leave right now, so I don’t have to look at you. Go to hell! I never want to see you again! Do you hear me? Never!”
The children had heard the ruckus, and they now appeared in the doorway. At first they looked bewildered, then they both started to cry. That didn’t stop Olle. He shoved Emma out onto the porch in her stocking feet and threw her jacket and boots after her.
“Here!” he yelled. “But you’re not taking the car!” And he snatched away her car keys.
Then he slammed the door shut.
Emma put on her jacket and boots. The door opened again and her purse came flying out.
She was out in the cold. The street was deserted.
A Sunday morning in November, and it was over. She stared at the closed door. Her purse had fallen open and the contents were scattered all over the porch and front steps. Mechanically she gathered up everything, too numb to cry. She walked down to the gate and opened it, then turned right, although she didn’t know why. She didn’t notice the neighbor family a couple of houses away who were talking and laughing as they climbed into their car and drove off. The mother waved to Emma but got no response.
She felt empty inside, as if stunned. Her face felt rigid. What on earth had she done? Where should she go now? She couldn’t go back to her own house.
The sports field next to the school was deserted. The wind was blowing from the north. She looked over at the main road where a few cars were driving past.
When did the buses go into town on Sundays? She had never needed to ask that question before.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 26
The temperature in the sauna was 176 degrees Fahrenheit. Knutas filled a wooden ladle and tossed more water on the glowing hot stones. The temperature rose even higher.
They had swum a mile and were more than satisfied. Once a week Anders Knutas and Leif Almlov would go swimming together, at least in the wintertime. Knutas swam regularly at Solberga Baths during all seasons of the year. He actually preferred to swim alone. He always thought more clearly when he was in the water, swimming one lap after another. But this was a way for the two of them to meet. They had to put up with a good deal of joshing from their friends because they went to the swimming pool-something that was more typical for women. Men played tennis or golf together, or they went bowling.
In the sauna they would discuss all sorts of daily trivialities, or just sit in utter silence. That was the sign of a good friend, Knutas thought. He didn’t care for loud people who insisted on jabbering incessantly, even when they had nothing sensible to say.
Knutas described Lina’s birthday fiasco, which gave Almlov a good laugh. They would never completely understand women-they could certainly agree on that.
They had sons the same age, and they talked about the problems of puberty that had started showing up. Their sons were classmates and friends. A week or so ago Almlov had discovered them smoking in secret. It turned out that they had lit a couple of old cigarette butts. Almlov’s son, who wore his hair long-to the dismay of his parents-had managed to burn several locks on one side.
They talked about their surprise at getting older, about the anxiety of bulging stomachs and slack muscles, about getting gray hair on their chests. Knutas didn’t think about old age and death very often, but sometimes he noticed how life seemed to be running away from him, and then he would wonder how much time he had left. He
