I laughed once. “If he’s dangerous then why is he being paid to protect me?”
Cynthia’s mouth flew open. “That arrangement was between him and your father. You’re not listening. He’s not dangerous to you. It’s dangerous for you to be…to become…involved with him. He has just as many enemies as your father.”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?” she asked. “Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? I don’t think you have the slightest idea of where this could lead or the choices you’ll have to make. I don’t think he’s thought this through, either, or he wouldn’t have done this. Maybe not, maybe he’s too selfish to care—,”
“Selfish?” I shrieked. “How can you say that about him? After what we’ve put him and his family through, Mother?”
“Is that what this is about? Guilt?” Cynthia paced the room, arms still crossed.
“No!” I gasped. “It’s nothing like that,” I said, embarrassed that Jared could hear her words.
She closed her eyes and sighed. “Nina…please. I’m begging you. You know that I want you to be happy…but this — this is not going to end well,” her voice was quiet.
I smiled. “Does anything end well?”
Cynthia heaved her usual resigned sigh, but this time it was different. It was the same she used in the seldom event that she lost an argument to Jack.
“I wish this one time, Baby, that you would listen to what I’m trying to tell you. The last few months have been the culmination of every fear I’ve ever had.”
I had been unaffected by my mother’s infamous guilt trips since I was thirteen, but now that she’d used Jack’s death, I couldn’t break free of the blame. She had never wanted me to find out the truth, and I imagined that it was the one thing she wanted to remain unchanged after we lost my father.
When I thought of her dishonesty and how she’d kept secrets about Jack and Gabe and the Ryels from me for years, the guilt turned to anger.
“You can’t tell me how to feel,” I glowered.
“It’s not too late, Nina. You can save yourself,” she said, lifting my chin. Her uncharacteristically soft affection caught me off guard, but I was resolved.
I pulled away from her. “I don’t need to be saved from Jared.”
Cynthia sucked in a sharp breath and pinched her nose with her thumb and finger. “Nina….”
I could see that she was finished. She had pulled every trick from her bag and laid her cards on the table. I felt triumphant as I imagined Jared smiling at my words.
Beth returned, then, sitting beside me on her bed. “Hazelnut and Splenda,” she smiled, handing me a Styrofoam cup.
“Thanks, Beth.”
Cynthia looked at me, exasperated. “I’m going home now. Please think about what I said. It’s important.”
“I will.” I tried to conceal my relief at her departure.
Beth closed the door and then turned to me. “Did she just give you the sex talk?”
“What? No!” I twisted my face in disgust. The thought of discussing my sex life with my mother made my stomach turn, and Beth clearly had the wrong idea about several things.
“You stayed with him last night?” The corners of her mouth turned up in an enthusiastic grin.
“Yes, but I fell asleep. It wasn’t like that.”
“Oh. Well, did you have a good time?” she asked, deflated.
“We went to his loft, he cooked—“
“He cooked?” Beth interrupted.
I nodded. “He brought me flowers and there were candles everywhere. We talked for hours, into the morning.”
Beth pulled her knees up to her chest. “Wow. I told you he was in love with you. I have a sixth sense about these things.”
“You’re amazing,” I granted.
“Thanks for noticing,” she said. Her eyes narrowed with her grin. “When are you going to see him again?”
“Later today, I hope. Our morning was sort of cut short.”
“Cynthia,” she said. I nodded my head and she stood up, gathering her things.
“I’m going to the hospital with Chad and Tucker in an hour. Do you have time before you meet back up with Jared?”
“Yes,” I said, deciding in the moment.
Beth dialed her cell phone, calling Chad to let him know that I would be tagging along. Quickly after he answered, her voice lowered. She tried to be vague, but I could tell Chad, Tucker, or both, had a problem with me going. Beth won in the end, and she turned to me and winked.
I was relieved to arrive at the hospital; Tucker and Chad didn’t seem angry with me, but there was an obvious air of tension in Chad’s jeep. I wasn’t sure what all the apprehension meant until we arrived at Ryan’s new room in PCCU.
Ryan didn’t look happy to see me. In fact, he behaved as if my very presence was an insult.
He wasted no time before he pounced. “So how was your date?” he sneered.
“I thought you didn’t want to hear about it.” My answer was automatic and venomous. I hadn’t intended to sound defensive, but his spiteful attitude took me by surprise.
“That was before Beth called everyone looking for you at three in the morning. It went that well, huh?” he bristled.
I looked over at Chad and Tucker; this is what they were worried about.
Beth looked at Chad with an angry glare, and he shot her an apologetic smile.
“It wasn’t me, Babe!” he shrugged.
“Who was it?” she snarled.
Ryan rolled his eyes. “It was Josh. What does it matter?”
Beth stomped to my side of the room in protest, crossing her arms.
“What business is it of Josh’s?” I said. “If everyone’s so worried about me upsetting you, why do they keep passing on my business?” I was being entirely too defensive, but I was still raw from my earlier encounter with Cynthia.
“Maybe they want me to talk some sense into you.”
“Or is it because you’re making everyone think they have to choose sides?” I narrowed my eyes and mimicked Beth’s crossed arms. We must have looked ridiculous side by side; the Prom Queen Mafia.
“There are no sides.” Ryan’s nose wrinkled at my words.
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow. My eyes darted to Chad and Tucker standing on one side of the room, and then at Beth beside me. “It sure seems like it to me.”
Ryan ground his teeth and looked out the window, clearly too angry to continue.
I sighed. “If you’d just give him a chance.”
Ryan sucked in a sharp breath, readying himself to really let me have it, but he cringed and grabbed his bandaged wound, letting out a muffled grunt instead.
“Ryan…” I groaned, reaching for him. The pain in his face sent guilt burning through me. I took a step closer to his bed.
“Just go, Nina. Just…go,” he said with his eyes clinched shut.
I wanted to apologize, but nothing could make it right. I would never be sorry for being with Jared, and that was my only crime in Ryan’s eyes.
I trudged to the waiting room without another word. My perfect morning had transformed into an abysmal day.
Beth, Chad and Tucker returned after half an hour, and we walked to the jeep in silence. I tried to find solace in their conversation on the way back to campus, discussing Ryan’s improvement, his possible early release, and the funny stories they were trying to cheer him up with, but nothing helped. I was considered the scarlet letter when I had done nothing wrong.
