As we pulled into the campus parking lot, my cell phone buzzed. The display lit up and Ryan’s name and number scrolled across the screen. I clambered from Chad’s jeep and pressed the phone to my ear.
“I’m sorry, Nina,” he blurted out apologetically. “You were right; it’s no one’s business. I just didn’t expect…I don’t know what I expected.”
“It’s not what you think. I just fell asleep,” I explained.
“We’re friends, right, Nina?” he said. My insides wrenched at the exhausted sadness in his voice.
I covered my eyes with my hand. “Of course we are. I hate it that you’re mad at me.”
“I have no right to be. I just need to know that I didn’t ruin everything.”
Ruin everything? He was lying in a hospital bed healing from a wound that I could have prevented. The guilt was unbearable.
“I’m sorry,” I choked out.
“I’m a jealous idiot, Nina. Just…promise me you’ll come back. I won’t be a jerk again, I swear.” His voice bordered on begging, and I was desperate to take away his regret.
“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
Beth smiled after watching me stuff my cell phone into my purse. “I’m glad you two got it worked out.”
“Me, too,” I sighed.
Once in my room, I dialed Jared’s number. The tone repeated over and over in my ear and I was caught off- guard when the voicemail prompt beeped in my ear.
“H-hey, Jared,” I stuttered. I had fully expected him to answer. “It’s Nina. I’m back from the hospital and just thought I’d give you a call. Talk to you soon.”
After two hours, I became suspicious when I hadn’t heard from him. He had been so anxious about the outcome of my mother’s visit that I couldn’t imagine why he’d wait so long to return my call. It didn’t help when I realized he had probably heard my message in real-time the second I’d left it.
Just as I had lost the fight to keep from calling him a second time, there was a knock at the door.
“Happy Saturday, ladies,” Kim said, bursting in.
“Hey Kim,” I said, disappointed.
“Well. I love you, too.”
“She was expecting Jared,” Beth explained.
“I heard the date went well.” Kim raised her eyebrows repeatedly.
“I fell asleep. He slept on the couch.”
Kim wrinkled her nose. “Bummer.” She immediately turned her attention to Beth. “What are we doing tonight?”
“Oh…Chad is taking me out. Sorry,” Beth said, not sounding the least bit sorry.
Kim smiled. “Oh well, maybe you can have a more interesting time than Naughty Nina over there.”
I stiffened, knowing that Jared or Claire could hear everything. I felt the blush span from collar bone to crown.
“Whoa! Just kidding, Nigh!” Kim said, mistaking my embarrassment for anger.
Kim forced me to rehash the entire evening. It was difficult for me to explain the length of time that I’d spent there and leave out everything that Jared had told me. I kept checking my phone, even though I knew no one had called.
Beth discussed the juicy details of our earlier visit to the hospital, which seemed to intrigue Kim.
“What do you expect? He’s crazy about her,” Kim said. “I know you really like Jared, Nigh, but Ryan’s a good guy, too.”
“I know,” I said, looking at my phone again.
“Who are you expecting to call? You’ve been checking your phone like a crack addict waiting on her dealer,” Kim chided.
“Kim!” I wailed, my face burning again.
“What is with you, today? I thought you slept last night,” Kim asked, confused.
“I did. I just wish you would keep your mouth shut!”
“Nigh, we’re in your room. Who’s going to hear?” Kim looked at Beth like I’d gone insane.
“No one,” I said. “You just…nothing. I have to go.” I grabbed my coat, shoved my phone in my purse and headed out the door. I wished that Jared had forgone the microphone part of the truth. I didn’t feel comfortable having a normal conversation in my room.
By Monday, I still hadn’t heard from Jared. It was heartbreaking that he was somewhere close, yet he refused to speak to me. Even after everything Jared had said, my thoughts continued to return to one horrible prospect: that for some reason after he’d dropped me off, he realized how unworthy I was of the adoration he’d felt for so long.
The week dragged on and I found the only place I felt somewhat normal was at the hospital. I escaped campus day after day, feeling I could finally breathe the moment I sat at Ryan’s bedside. We were nearly caught up on all of his homework by the time he finally broached the subject.
“Are you going to tell me what’s been going on with you or not?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked with a contrived smile.
“Nina. This is me you’re talking to.”
I felt my eyes gloss over and I buried my head into Ryan’s blanket.
“Nina? What’s wrong?” he asked, awkwardly patting my head. When I couldn’t speak, Ryan pulled my hair away from my face. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head and peeked up at him. “No. No, I’m not okay.”
“Did something happen?” Ryan’s face looked as desperate as I felt.
“No. Nothing happened. You don’t want to hear about it.” I sat up and wiped the moisture from my face.
“Is it about Jared?” he guessed. I nodded and his face twisted into rage. “Did he hurt you?”
“No!” I shook my head, wiping away more tears. “No, he didn’t do anything to me. He doesn’t…,” I sighed, “it’s embarrassing.”
“Just tell me.”
“He doesn’t…want me,” I said, my face crumbling around my words.
Ryan’s expression made it seem as if the sentence I’d put together didn’t compute; as if he couldn’t imagine that being possible. “I’m sure there’s just been some misunderstanding. What makes you think that?”
I was disgusted at myself for making Ryan feel he needed to reassure me about Jared. I was a terrible person.
“Nina. Tell me.” He spoke in the tone I provoked in people when they’d had their fill of dragging information out of me.
“I just thought we…I thought he….” I couldn’t say half of what I wanted. Certainly not enough to keep me from sounding like a spoiled child.
Ryan laughed once and I looked up at him. “He’s an idiot, Nina.”
“No, he’s not,” I said, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.
“If he took you out, spent an entire night with you and can’t see how incredible you are — he doesn’t deserve for you to be waiting for his call. You’re so much better than that. Anyone that makes you feel any less is a fool.”
“Thank you, but it’s really more complicated than that.”
Ryan’s face grew serious. “No. No, it’s not. If he doesn’t realize what he has right in front of him, than to hell with him. And I’m not just saying that because I was hoping for something like this.”
I shot a glare at him and he winked at me. I smiled and sighed, letting my frustration escape with my breath. He leaned over to issue a comforting kiss to the top of my head.
“Why are you so good to me?” I asked as he handed me a handful of tissues from his bedside table.
“Because you’re worth it.” He looked at me as if I should know that already, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“I think that’s been trademarked by L’Oreal,” I said.
“Oh, I meant ‘Maybe she’s born with it’.”
“Maybe it’s Maybelline?” I quipped.
He pointed at me. “You’re good.”
