Dark Benediction

from under the principle; still, he stood on it, while the reality ran on down to the sea. He had dedicated himself to the living stage, and carefully tended its grave, awaiting the resurrection.

Old ham, he thought, you’ve been flickering into mad warps and staggering into dimensions of infrasanity. You took unreality by the hand and led her gallantly through peril and confusion and finally married her before you noticed that she was dead. Now the only decent thing to do was bury her, but her interment would do nothing to get him back through the peril and confusion and on the road again. He’d have to hike. Maybe it was too late to do anything with the rest of a lifetime. But there was only one way to find out. And the first step was to put some mileage between himself and the stage.

If a little black box took over my job, Rick had said, I’d go to work making little black boxes.

Thorny realized with a slight start that the technician had meant it. Mela had done it, in a sense. So had Jade. Especially Jade. But that wasn’t the answer for him, not now. He’d hung around too long mourning the dead, and he needed a clean, sharp break. Tomorrow he’d fade out of sight, move away, pretend he was twenty-one again, and start groping for something to do with a lifetime. How to keep eating until he found it—that would be the pressing problem. Unskilled laborers were hard to find these days, but so were unskilled jobs. Selling his acting talent for commercial purposes would work only if he could find a commercial purpose he could believe in and live for, since his talent was not the surface talent of a schauspieler. It would be a grueling search, for he had never bothered to believe in anything but theater.

Mela stirred suddenly. “Did I hear somebody call me?” she muttered. “This racket—I” She sat up to look around.

He grunted doubtfully. “How long till curtain?” he asked.

She arose suddenly and said, “Jade’s waving me over. See you in the act, Thorny.”

He watched Mela hurry away, he glanced across the floor at Jade who waited for her in the midst of a small conference, he felt a guilty twinge. He’d cost them money, trouble, and nervous sweat, and maybe the performance endangered the run of the show. It was a rotten thing to do, and he was sorry, but it couldn’t be undone, and the only possible compensation was to deliver a best—possible Act III and then get out. Fast. Before Jade found him out and organized a lynch mob.

After staring absently at the small conference for a few moments, he closed his eyes and drowsed again.

Suddenly he opened them. Something about the conference group—something peculiar. He sat up and frowned at them again. Jade, Mela, Rick, and Feria, and three strangers. Nothing peculiar about that. Except… let’s see… the thin one with the scholarly look—that would be the programming engineer, probably. The beefy, healthy fellow with the dark business suit and the wandering glance—Thorny couldn’t place him—he looked out of place backstage. The third one seemed familiar somehow, but he, too, looked out of place—a chubby little man with no necktie and a fat cigar, he seemed more interested in the backstage rush than in the proceedings of the group. The beefy gent kept asking him questions, and he muttered brief answers around his cigar while watching the stagehands’ parade.

Once when answering he took his cigar out of his mouth and glanced quickly across the floor in Thorny’s direction. Thorny stiffened, felt bristles rise along his spine. The chubby little gent was—

The depot clerk!

Who had issued him the extra tape and the splices. Who could put the finger on the trouble right away, and was undoubtedly doing it.

Got to get out. Got to get out fast. The beefy fellow was either a cop or a private investigator, one of several hired by Smithfield. Got to run, got to hide, got to—Lynch mob.

“Not through that door, buddy, that’s the stage; what’re you— Oh, Thorny! It’s not time to go on.”

“Sorry,” he grunted at the prop man and turned away. The light flashed, the buzzer sounded faintly.

“Now it’s time,” the prop man called after him. Where was he going? And what good would it do? “Hey, Thorny! The buzzer. Come back. It’s line-up. You’re on when the curtain lifts… hey!”

He paused, then turned around and went back. He went on-stage and took his place. She was already there, staring at him strangely as he approached.

“You didn’t do it, did you, Thorny?” she whispered. He gazed at her in tight-lipped silence, then nodded. She looked puzzled. She looked at him as if he were no longer a person, but a peculiar object to be studied.

Not scornful, nor angry, nor righteous—just puzzled. “Guess I was nuts,” he said lamely.

“Guess you were.”

“Not too much harm done, though,” he said hopefully. “The wrong people saw the first act, Thorny. They walked out.”

“Wrong people?”

“Two backers and a critic.”

“Oh?”

He stood stunned. She stopped looking at him then and just stood waiting for the curtain to rise, her face showing nothing but a puzzled sadness. It wasn’t her show, and she had nothing in it but a doll that would bring a royalty check or two, and now herself as a temporary substitute for the doll. The sadness was for him. Contempt he could have understood.

The curtain lifted. A sea of dim faces beyond the foot-lights. And he was Andreyev, chief of a Soviet police garrison, loyalist servant of a dying cause. It was easy to stay in the role this time, to embed his ego firmly in the person of the Russian cop and live a little of the last century. For the ego was more comfortable there than in the skin of Ryan Thornier—a skin that might soon be sent to the tannery, judging the furtive glances that were coming from backstage. It might even be comfortable to remain Andrevev after the performance, but that was a sure way to get Napoleon Bonaparte for a roommate.

There was no change of setting between scenes i and ii, but only a dip of the curtain to indicate a time-lapse and permit a change of cast. He stayed onstage, and it gave him a moment to think. The thoughts weren’t pleasant.

Backers had walked out. Tomorrow the show would close unless the morning teleprint of the Times carried a rave review. Which seemed wildly improbable. Critics were jaded. Jaded tastes were apt to be impatient. They would not be eager to forgive the first act. He had wrecked it, and he couldn’t rescue it.

Revenge wasn’t sweet. It tasted like rot and a sour stomach.

Give them a good third act. There’s nothing more you can do. But even that wouldn’t take away the rotten taste.

Why did you do it, Thorny? Rick’s voice, whispering from the booth and in his earplug prompter.

He glanced up and saw the technician watching him from the small window of the booth. He spread his hands in a wide shrugging gesture, as if to ask: How can I tell you, what can I do?

Go on with it, what else? Rick whispered, and withdrew from the window.

The incident seemed to confirm that Jade intended for him to finish it, anyhow. She could scarcely intend otherwise. She was in it with him, in a sense. If the audience found out the play had a human stand-in, and if the critics didn’t like the show, they might pounce on the producer who “perpetrated such an impossible substitution”—even harder than they’d pounce on him. She had gambled on him, and in spite of his plot to force her into such a gamble, it was her show, and her responsibility, and she’d catch the brunt of it. Critics, owners, backers, and public—they didn’t care about “blame,” didn’t care about excuses or reasons. They cared about the finished product, and if they didn’t like it, the responsibility for it was clear.

As for himself? A cop waiting backstage. Why? He hadn’t studied the criminal code, but he couldn’t think of any neat little felonious label that could be pinned on what he’d done. Fraud? Not without an exchange of money or property, he thought. He’d been after intangibles, and the law was an earthy thing; it became confused when motives carried men beyond assaults on property or person, into assaults on ideas or principles. Then it passed the buck to psychiatry.

Maybe the beefy gent wasn’t a cop at all. Maybe he was a collector of maniacs.

Thorny didn’t much care. The dream had tumbled down, and he’d just have to let the debris keep falling about him until he got a chance to start climbing out of the wreckage. It was the end of something that should have ended years ago, and he couldn’t get out until it finished collapsing.