“God, Ms. Lucas is killing me this year,” he said. “I thought chemistry was bad, but sometimes it’s like she’s speaking another language.”
“It’s not so hard,” I said. Art was my favorite subject, but I always did pretty well in science too. I watched our feet as they stretched over the worn linoleum floor, not daring to look up into his face. “She usually explains things pretty well. Plus, physics is kind of fun if you look at it the right way.”
“Are you kidding me?” Josh asked. “Fun? No wonder you’re always getting As. We should study together sometime, just so I don’t screw up my GPA. Then you can show me how physics is fun.”
I glanced up to see if he was kidding, but he was looking at me seriously out of the corner of his eye. “Um, we could do that,” I said. “That would be cool.” I couldn’t believe that Josh Lee was actually walking through the hall asking me to help him with physics. Maybe we could go to the cafe and study, our heads bent over one of the tiny round tables as we ordered coffee after coffee to keep us working until late at night.
Josh’s smile widened. “Maybe—”
“There you are!” Cara squealed, jumping on his back and draping her arms over his shoulders. “I’ve been looking all over for you.” She buried her face in his neck, and I just stared, wishing so badly I had permission to do the same thing.
He reached up and grabbed her by the arms. “Hey, Cara,” he said, laughing a little. “We were just heading to class.”
Cara slid off his back. “We?” she asked.
“Yeah.” He nodded in my direction. “You know Lucy?”
She glanced at me for a second longer than necessary and said, “Um, not really.” Cara turned her full attention to Josh. “Listen, I need to talk to you about Friday night.” She pulled him over to the lockers and leaned in so they could talk quietly, leaving me standing alone in the stream of people heading to class. I watched for a second as they surrounded themselves with the privacy that only long-time couples seem to have—studying each other, oblivious to everyone else around them.
“Well,” I said quietly and sighed. “Guess I’ll see you in class.” I walked slowly toward the science wing, feeling like an idiot but also grateful that I hadn’t made a complete ass of myself. Like Josh would ever choose me over Cara. Or over anyone.
Now here I was doing the same thing again—having crazy fantasies about Josh when he was just being polite. Kaylie stood on her tiptoes surveying the crowd. “I think I see Steve over to the right.”
“I’m freezing,” I said. “I’m going back inside.” I wanted to get out of there before Josh knew I’d come. I couldn’t compete with all of the normal girls in school—there was no use even trying.
“What’s inside?” Kaylie asked. “All the good stuff is out here.” She looked at me and then back to the band. “What you need is some beer. Wait here, I’ll be right back.”
With the crowd around the keg as huge as it was, I figured she’d be gone for ages, but she was back in a minute or two.
“Here,” she said, handing me a blue plastic cup. “Careful, it’s a little drippy.”
“How did you do that so fast?”
“I have my ways,” she said. She looked over my shoulder to see if Steve was still there. I wished I could be more like her and look straight at what I wanted. And navigate a keg in under two minutes. “Drink it quick. It’ll relax you.”
I took a tentative sip of the beer. It tasted like vomit. I tried hard not to wrinkle my nose in disgust.
“Is it bad?” Kaylie asked. I handed her the beer and she took a small sip. “Just like them to get a keg full of crap beer.” She handed it back to me. “Doesn’t matter, though, it’ll do the trick.”
Vanessa and Tricia came over with their own matching blue plastic cups. The beer was cold and my hand was getting numb. They should give you those cardboard sleeves like they do at Sienna when the coffee is too hot for the cup.
“Cheers!” Vanessa said, and raised her cup in the air before taking a giant swig. She didn’t even make a face when she was done.
“Are we checking out anyone in particular?” Tricia asked. Her skirt was almost as short as Vanessa’s, but at least she had the decency to shiver and cross her arms in front of her as she tried to ward off the cold wind that cut through the yard.
Vanessa laughed. “Apparently Miss Lucy here has a thing going with Josh Lee.”
Tricia raised her eyebrows. “I knew that he’d broken up with Cara—were you his thing on the side?”
“No way!” Kaylie answered for me. “Get real. Lucy doesn’t have to go for sloppy seconds. Josh asked her to come to the party. He’s totally into her.”
“If he’s so into her, then why has he been flirting with Justine all night?” Tricia asked. She tossed her head in the direction of the stage.
I felt a heavy weight settle in my stomach as I looked back toward the rear of the yard. Sure enough, Justine had planted herself right in front of where Josh was singing.
“He’s not flirting with Justine,” Kaylie said. “Everyone knows she’s been throwing herself at him for months.”
“I have eyes,” Tricia said. “And I know what I saw.” She looked at me. “You don’t seriously think you’d be going out with him? He’s totally going to get back together with Cara—they’re just cooling off until after winter break. They’re meant for each other.”
Each word was like a hammer blow of reality. Kaylie might want to think Josh liked me, but as annoying as Tricia was, she was probably right. I glanced back to the stage where Josh was looking intently at someone as he finished the song. He was looking right at Justine Hildebrandt.
The music stopped, but I couldn’t bear to have Josh see me now, chasing him like all the other girls. What would he think if he saw me standing here? I couldn’t stand to see him put his arm around Justine, to know that she was feeling the warmth of his body next to hers, inhaling his scent. The last normal night of my life was probably going to end like every other one had—with me cold and alone.
Kaylie was still arguing with Tricia, so I inched backward until I was standing next to a tall palm tree in a big wooden planter. I tried taking another drink to see if getting buzzed would make me feel any better, but the beer was so disgusting I could barely manage a tiny swallow. There was no way I was going to be able to choke down enough to make it worth it—while nobody was looking I tipped my cup into the planter and dumped out half the beer.
As I raised the cup back to my lips so it would look like I’d been drinking the whole time, I felt warm breath on the back of my neck.
“I wouldn’t drink that swill, either,” he said with a laugh.
My heart raced and I didn’t know whether to be happy or horrified, because I’d recognize Josh Lee’s voice anywhere.
chapter 17
9:30 p.m.
“Well, well,” Vanessa said. “Look who’s here.”
I bit the edge of my plastic cup and stared down at my shoes, not daring to look behind me. I knew that if I turned around and saw Josh holding hands with Justine, I’d probably run out of there without another word. So much for acting normal.
“I’m going to get something to drink,” Josh said, slightly out of breath. “Can I get anybody anything?”
He was standing so close to me I could feel the heat radiating off his body. He smelled clean and solid as he spoke over my shoulder. One quick glance told me that, at least for the moment, he was alone. I’d never believed the whole “weak in the knees” theory, but right now I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to stay upright.
I looked up in time to see Vanessa cut her eyes at me. She tossed her long blond hair behind her shoulder and raised her eyebrows. I didn’t know what she was up to, but it didn’t feel good. “I’d love another beer,” she said. She rolled her tongue over her lips and giggled as he took her cup.
As far as I knew, she didn’t even like Josh, so the only reason for the theatrics was to get him to notice her.
