provisional on my license just ended, so I could, uh, give you a ride home if you’re not ready to leave,” he said.
Part of me was thrilled, but more of me was terrified. Kaylie was like my lifeline in a foreign country, and it was scary to let her go. “No, really,” I said. “It’s fine. I’ll just—”
“Great idea,” Kaylie said. She turned to me and opened her eyes wide. “We’re bringing a bunch of other people with us so the van’s getting a little crowded, anyway.”
I looked at Josh and he smiled, like I would be the one doing him a favor. If this night was going to count, I was going to have to take a chance. I could always get home on my own in time for my life to completely fall apart.
“Okay.” I smiled back at him. “You really don’t care?” I asked Kaylie.
She leaned in and gave me a quick hug. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she whispered in my ear, and with a smirk, she was gone.
I felt unmoored as the only person I really knew vanished into the crowd. Josh brushed my hand with the back of his, and I noticed, not for the first time, how strong his fingers were.
“You look like you could use another drink,” he said, and grabbed my cup from the counter. I stood leaning against the sink as he poured more root beer into both of our cups. While he was busy, I allowed myself to enjoy his broad shoulders and easy smile. Not a bad way to spend the last normal night of my life, really.
“Are you spending the night at Kaylie’s?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “Not tonight.”
“What time do you have to be home, then?” he asked. I followed his glance to a clock above the stove. 10:06.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Tonight? Tonight, it really doesn’t matter.” For once, I was telling the absolute truth.
chapter 18
2:30 a.m.
I glanced over my shoulder as the keys rattled in Josh’s hand. “Are you sure it’s okay?” I whispered.
He held the key ring up to the light of the lamppost on the corner. “Yeah, it’s fine. Angie totally trusts me— that’s why she made me assistant manager.” He found a big square key and fit it in the lock. “Wait here one second,” he said as he swung the door open and punched some numbers into the alarm system that hung by the front door.
I didn’t know what time it was, but I figured it was way after midnight. I’d like to say that we spent the rest of the time at the party in meaningful conversation, but that would be a big fat lie. I spent the rest of the time at the party watching Josh as he played on the little stage out back. A couple of times during a song, he would look over, catch my eye, and smile at me. I stayed way in the back of the crowd rather than up in the front with the other drooling girls, but each time he smiled, a little thrill ran through me and I couldn’t help smiling back.
The car ride here had been amazing. Once it was just the two of us, it was like the whole world dropped away. We sat in the car out in front of the party for what seemed like hours, talking until the windows were steaming and it looked like we’d been doing a lot more. I had trouble regulating what I was saying about school and the future and not touching on the past. I wanted to live right here and right now—not tomorrow and not yesterday.
“There,” Josh said as he pulled me through the front door. “If the alarm system went off,
We stood in the darkened cafe. It was weird being in there with the lights off and nobody sitting at the tables or waiting in line to order a drink. The only light came from above the sink in back of the counter.
“This thing takes forever to heat up,” Josh said, flicking buttons on the espresso machine. “You really don’t have to be home?”
I shook my head and grinned. “Nope. Not tonight.”
“Your mom must be really cool,” he said. “Mine gets mad if I’m out past one, even during vacation.”
“Let’s just say my curfew isn’t high on her priority list right now,” I said. My mind flashed quickly to the sheet-wrapped figure in the hallway.
“Is your dad around?”
I just shook my head. I really didn’t want to talk about me.
Josh was fiddling with stuff behind the counter. “My mom is on husband number three, and I think they get higher on the asshole scale every time.”
“And you don’t want to go live with your dad?”
He pulled a carton of milk out of the fridge. “Don’t really know him. He took off when I was a baby. Last time I heard, he was living in New York, but that was a long time ago. Besides, I like it here. I figure I’ve got less than two years before I’m out of here, and I can put up with anything until then.” For some reason, it made more sense when he said it.
“Do you know where you want to go to school?” I loved picking up little pieces of his life and putting them together to make the picture whole.
“I was thinking about Cal, but it’s so close, you know? Mom is trying to get me to go someplace a little farther away, like UCLA or maybe Santa Barbara. Sometimes I think she’s trying to get rid of me completely.”
I laughed a little. I always wanted to go someplace as far away as possible. I was thinking about the East Coast, maybe Boston. I’d go farther than that, but you run out of country someplace around New York.
“Come here, you’ve got to take a whiff of this.” Josh lifted the lid off a big gray garbage can that was sitting behind the counter.
My heart skipped a beat, and I could feel a shiver of fear run through my body as I stared at him with the garbage can lid in his hand. He knew. All this time and he was just setting me up for this moment. This whole thing
Josh laughed. “Stop asking so many questions and come over here. I promise you, this is one of the best smells in the world.”
“Are you making fun of me?” I asked. I could feel my throat closing up, and the last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of him. I took a step back toward the door.
“No,” he said, a look of concern crossing his face. “Why would I make fun of you? I just wanted to show you these.” He reached into the can and pulled out a handful of shiny black coffee beans.
Relief flooded my body. I took a step forward and immediately the strongest, thickest coffee smell I’d ever imagined filled the air around me. The plastic can was filled almost to the rim with beans.
Josh laughed and took a deep breath. He stuck his face down close to the beans and inhaled again. “Oh my God, I love that smell. Sometimes when I have to work really early, I just come in here and stick my head in the can and breathe for a few minutes. I swear, you can almost get a buzz going off the smell alone.” He took a scoop of the beans and put them in a big red machine. “Now, what can I get for you, miss?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what would you like? Anything. On the house. If we’re going to stay up late, we’re going to need some assistance.”
“I thought you had to be back by one o’clock,” I said. “That was probably a long time ago.”
“I said they get mad if I’m not home by one o’clock,” he said. “I didn’t say that I always do as I’m told. I’m working the early shift tomorrow, but I’m not about to abandon a girl with no curfew by going home on time.”
“Well, thanks for risking it,” I said.
“So, what’ll it be?” he asked. “Medium vanilla latte, or would you like to go for something completely different?”
“Something completely different sounds exactly like what I need right now,” I said. I leaned on the countertop and watched him work.
“So glad to hear you say that, Lucy Lu,” he said. He turned on the red machine, and the noise of the grinding beans filled the empty space.
