me.
The clock struck eleven o’clock, its chimes echoing through the empty house. I dressed in my cloak and bonnet and stole downstairs. The front door was unlocked; preoccupation with finding T’ing-nan had rendered the household careless. Outside, the dense, swirling mist obscured my vision of anything beyond twenty paces distant. It muted the sea’s roar and settled upon me, damp and chill. As I hastened along the road towards Penzance, I had a disturbing sense of being watched. I paused to listen, but heard nothing.
At last I reached town and ascended the streets. Houses were densely packed in the twisted tangle of alleys. Their windows cast oblongs of faint light on the moist, slick cobblestones. Cats prowled past me; I heard them foraging and screeching in the darkness. The clattering of clogs heralded the approach of village folk who loomed suddenly out of the fog then disappeared. Smoke rose from chimneys atop the crooked slate roofs. I breathed the smells of fish frying, the salt sea, and the effluvium trickling from drains. Somehow I located Oyster Cottage, a tiny house built of rough-hewn stone, streaked brown by the weather. I rushed up the crumbling, uneven steps and pounded on the door.
“Mr. Slade!” I cried.
Mr. Slade immediately opened the door, pulled me inside, and held me while I sobbed from relief and lingering fright. “What are you doing here?” he said. “What’s happened?”
I became aware of his body’s heat warming me through the white shirt he wore, and my face pressed against the skin bared by his open collar. Embarrassed, I stepped away from him and tried to compose myself.
“I ran away,” I said, and explained the circumstances that had allowed my escape. “I had to see you.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” Mr. Slade said. “I’m even gladder to see you safe.”
His voice was rough yet gentle, his gaze warm with something more than the happiness felt by comrades reunited. Could it be that my absence, and the danger to my life, had increased his affection for me? Flustered, I turned my attention to my surroundings. We stood in a small room with whitewashed walls and a low, slanted ceiling. The window was open to vent smoke from the fireplace. A table held books, papers, and a burning lamp. There was one plain chair where Slade had apparently been sitting at the table, and an armchair in the corner.
“You must be tired,” he said. “Come, rest yourself.”
He seated me in the armchair, then drew his chair opposite me and perched on its edge, leaning forward. I noticed how quiet the house was. There was no sign of Slade’s fellow agents. The ease I’d learned to feel in his presence vanished. The room seemed too small, the dim lamplight too intimate, and Mr. Slade too close. I could see the dark stubble on his face, the reflections of the lamp in his eyes. But I should not allow myself to be distracted by personal thoughts. Quickly I told Mr. Slade about Kuan and what he’d said to me.
“So Mr. Kuan is a Chinaman,” Mr. Slade said, amazed and enlightened. “That explains his strange accent and his connection with Isaiah Fearon, the China trader. It’s a wonder that he’s made such inroads into British society. But we knew he had a brilliant mind.” Mr. Slade shook his head, deploring Kuan. “It’s a pity that he has applied it to waging a personal war against us.”
“Perhaps he has a good reason.” My words, spoken without conscious thought, surprised me.
“What are you talking about?” Mr. Slade frowned in surprise even greater than mine.
“His family was murdered by opium dealers who were in collusion with British traders.” Although I knew Kuan had done wrong, something in me wanted to explain his motives. “His homeland was invaded by ours.”
I had been accustomed to think that Britain was good and noble and to respect its intentions, if not always its politicians. I didn’t want to believe that my country would deliberately harm another for no just cause. I had always preferred to believe that people in the Far East were savage, ignorant heathens, and if they only knew better, they would understand that we wanted what was best for everyone. We, after all, were more advanced in science and philosophy; we were Christians, with God to justify our actions.
But now I realized that I had adopted Kuan’s way of thinking. He had personified the Chinese for me, had made them seem human and their suffering real. He was akin to David fighting Goliath, and I could better identify with the small and weak than with the mighty. Though the Chinese were heathens, they were as much God’s creatures as we, and as deserving of compassion. I was dismayed at how much influence Kuan had gained over my mind; yet I felt an irresistible urge to speak for him.
“Mr. Kuan is avenging the death of his wife and children and the humiliation of his country,” I said.
Mr. Slade drew back from me, as much offended as he was puzzled by my vehemence. “Kuan has no right to punish innocent people in Britain for what happened to him in China,” he said. “Isabel White, Joseph Lock, and Isaiah Fearon weren’t responsible for the murder of his family or the attack on Canton. How can you defend that madman?”
All that was rational and moral in me rebelled against my own defense of Kuan; but alas, he had undermined that part of me. I couldn’t admit to Mr. Slade how far Kuan had swayed me towards his side; nor could I stifle my compulsion to make Mr. Slade understand Kuan’s point of view. “The actions of the British government have driven him mad. He’s not to blame,” I said, although I knew this was faulty reasoning. “In his mind, we, as a nation, have done far more wrong than he has. Were China to harm us, or England, in such a way, we should feel and react in kind. Can’t you see that?”
“I can see that Kuan is a criminal,” Mr. Slade said, adamant. “Whatever his justifications are, they don’t excuse murder. And the situation in the East is more complex than he has represented to you. It’s not for him to settle international disputes.”
I flared with anger at Mr. Slade for arguing with me, and at Kuan for suborning me; given that Kuan wasn’t there, my anger focused on Mr. Slade. At that moment I forgot I loved him; indeed, I almost hated him. He seemed a self-righteous brute. Some of my suspicion and disapproval of Kuan had transferred to Mr. Slade; some of my loyalty to Mr. Slade has transferred to Kuan.
“Are you so blindly certain of our goodness and his evil?” I demanded.
Mr. Slade’s response was a look of grave concern for me that extinguished my irrational temper. Now I felt sick that I had allowed Kuan to come between us. I sank in my chair while contradictory impulses battled inside me and Mr. Slade regarded me with caution. The emotion that prevailed was a desire to regain our comradeship.
“Please forgive me,” I said. “I didn’t mean to speak as I did. So many upsetting things have happened to me that I hardly know what I’m saying.”
“Yes, of course,” Slade said, although he seemed not quite convinced by my disclaimer. “Have you learned what Kuan is planning?”
“Not yet,” I said.
There ensued an awkward pause, during which Slade scrutinized me more closely than I liked. I could tell that he thought I was withholding information, and he was correct: Not one word about Kuan’s strange influence on me had I breathed. I sensed that Mr. Slade was wondering whether I would share with him Kuan’s plans if I knew them. Suddenly I wanted to flee him as much as I longed to stay with him.
“I must return to the house before Kuan misses me,” I said, rising.
Mr. Slade stood between me and the door. “I have a better idea. You stay here. I’ll fetch my comrades, and we’ll storm that house and capture Kuan.”
“No,” I said. “He sneaked into the house by a secret passage; when he hears you coming, he could slip right through your fingers. I have to go back. Don’t worry; I’ll be safe.”
“It’s not just your safety that concerns me.” Mr. Slade clearly sensed my divided loyalties.
“I’m all right,” I said. “I have to go. Otherwise we may never learn what Kuan intends.”
As much as I feared Kuan, I needed to show Mr. Slade that we were on the same side and that I would do my part. I edged around him towards the door, but he caught my hand and drew me to him. My heart began to pound with the fear that he would force me to tell him how I’d fallen under Kuan’s sway, and an equal fear of what can happen when a man and woman find themselves alone together. Slade touched my cheek; it burned in response. Our faces were so close that I could feel our breath mingle. As he bent his head towards me, how I yearned for the touch of his lips on mine!
A sudden disturbing thought quenched my desire. Was Mr. Slade trying to seduce me because he truly wanted me, or did he have another, less flattering purpose? Perhaps he knew that his command over me had weakened and he sought to ensure my obedience. Kuan had poisoned my relationship with Mr. Slade. Once I would have eagerly welcomed his kiss; now I turned my face away. Mr. Slade hesitated, then dropped my hand. I couldn’t look at him, so I know not whether his face showed hurt because I’d rejected him or vexation that his ploy had failed.
