'By Jove!' thought Charlie. 'Tm not the first; she's too easy!' but to his delight he did not find the citadel of her chastity had been stormed before; the battering ram of love had to be vigorously applied before a breach was made sufficient to effect a lodgement. What sighs; what murmurs of love and endearment were mixed with her moans of pain.
'My pet, you are a woman now,' he whispered, lovingly, at the conclusion of the first act, kissing her again and again.
'Oh, Charlie, what a darling; you have been so gentle with me. How I love you now; you will always love me, won't you, dearest? But you can't, you can't marry me, I know.' Here she sobbed hysterically as that thought broke upon her mind.
Our hero did all he could to comfort her, but found nothing so conducive to that end as drawing up the curtain for a second scene in the drama of love.
'I don't know what upset me so in my sleep; but dear, I went off thinking of you, and suppose I must have wanted you; your kissing has made me feel so uneasy and all-overish since you came to the house. No one ever upset me like that before,' she confessed to him in her simplicity, as they lay toying and kissing till daylight. She advised Charlie to take leave of his new love, and retreat to his own room for fear of discovery.
Charlie was so enamoured of Fanny that when she brought up his breakfast he urged upon her a repetition of the pleasures of the night.
'How dare you, Sir, talk to me like that by daylight?' she answered, repulsing his bold advances. 'What I may do in the dark is no excuse for this. Mrs. Letsam is always watching me like a cat, to see I don't stop in the lodgers' rooms a moment too long.'
It was very reluctantly he let her go. After breakfast having nothing particular to do, and feeling rather sleepy, he tried to take a nap on the sofa, when just as he was dozing off there was a light tap at the door, and in answer to his 'Come in,' who should it be but the landlady with his night lamp in her hand.
There was quite a grin upon her full, round, good-looking face, showing a beautiful set of pearly teeth.
'Mr. Warner,' she said, seating herself quite familiarly by his side on the sofa. 'I didn't think you were such a young rake as to ravish my maid servant only a couple of days after coming here. Don't say a word; I know all about it, and have seen the stains in the girl's bed, as well as found your lamp in her room; a pretty scrape you'll be in if the girl falls in the family way!'
Her eyes sparkled, and she looked so curiously towards a certain part of his person, that Charlie saw at once he would have to square the fat, fair, and forty lady to prevent unpleasantness.
'My dear Mrs. Letsam, how can you accuse me of such things? Now if it had been you — ' he said, laughing.
'That's exactly it, Mr. Warner, you despised my more mature charms for a chit like Fanny. Pray what were you doing in my room last night — as if I could sleep and not be woke up by the rude hand you pushed under my bed-clothes.
I ought to call a policeman and give you in charge for an indecent assault.'
Her soft hand had been placed on his thigh, right over Adam's needle, which fairly throbbed under the pressure.
'And this is the thing to run away from a lady? I shall now take as great liberties with you, young Sir,' she said, proceeding to take possession of his manly jewel as it now sprang forth in all its grandeur when she opened the front of his dressing gown.
'The love! Now it's mine! What a beauty!' she exclaimed, leaning over him, and imprinting hot, wanton kisses on the head of the rampant prisoner. Charlie fairly sighed and heaved with excitement under such an osculation, he had never felt such an ecstatic thrill before, it was almost a new sensation to him; a simple kiss or two by an enraptured girl, who had just experienced the delights such a darling could give, he understood as a token of extraordinary desire, but the tonguing and pressures of the sucking lips of this wanton woman opened up such a new source of delight, that he almost fainted under her caresses.
'There,' she said, 'you darling, that is my style of love, and beats all the vulgar, straightforward ways of enjoyment. You may have Fanny as much as you like, but let me suck a little of your honey now and then or I will get rid of her; I don't care for a man any other way; besides, I'm not so old but I ought to be careful.'
Charlie kissed her pretty mouth, and told her how delighted he was to have got into such a nice house, adding, 'I never felt such pleasure before, so you may be sure the least touch or kiss will put me in a state to meet and rise to your requirements in a moment,' as he stood kissing her when she rose to go. 'No one ever excited me as you have done. Were you ever struck by lightning? I have heard that such people have an electric touch.'
'No, dear,' she replied, smiling, and showing her lovely teeth, which fascinated him so. 'Although I'm stout, I'm only three-and-thirty and have the misfortune to come of a particularly warm family. Good-bye, now.'
(Continued on page 87)
ECCENTRICITIES
'Mary,' said Mrs. Robinson to her servant, 'I believe you are in the family way!'
'Yes, marm; and so are you!'
'But, girl, you don't understand; I'm married, and have a father for my child.'
'Yes, marm; and so have I.'
'You don't understand; my husband is the father of my child.'
'And so he is of mine, marm.'
'For shame, you hussey; why my husband wouldn't touch you with a pair of tongs.'
'No, marm; but he did with his little poker!'
Exit Mrs. Robinson for an explanation with the gay old deceiver.
A snob fitting on a pair of boots for a young lady On his knees and at it, put it in and pat it;
'Is it in?' says he;
'Oh, yes,' says she,
'As nice as nice can be, and I like it.'
CONUNDRUM
— What is the difference between a cat and a kitten?
Answer-One kitten will make a cat, but it takes two cats to make a kitten.
THE COQUETTE AND THE GASCON
A young coquette widow in France had been followed by a Gascon of quality, who had boasted among his companions of some favours he had never received, to be revenged on him, sent for him one evening, and told him it was in his power to do her a very particular service. The Gascon, with much profession of his readiness to obey her commands, begged to hear in what manner she designed to employ him.
'You know,' said the widow, 'my friend Belinda, and must often have heard of the jealousy of that impotent wretch her husband. Now, it is absolutely necessary, for the carrying on of a certain affair, that his wife and I should be together for a whole night. What I have to ask of you is to dress yourself in her night clothes, and lie by him a whole night in her place, that he may not miss her while she is with me.'
The Gascon, though of a very lively and undertaking complexion, began to startle at the proposal 'Nay,' says the widow, 'if you have not the courage to go through what I ask of you, I must employ somebody else that will.'
'Madam,' says the Gascon, 'I will kill him for you if you please; but for laying with him, how is it possible to
