'Colonel H-'s compliments to Miss D — , would be exceedingly happy if she will grant him an hour's conversation this evening, after the play is over.' Our heroine, seeing a servant in a genteel livery waiting for an answer, imagined this billet could come from no person of mean circumstances; and as she was now really destitute of money, and her landlady become very troublesome, began to think that it would be the best way to recruit herself by disposing of that commodity which had been so much wished for by more than one, but no price, in her own estimation, offered any way equal to the value of the purchase. With these thoughts in her head she returned for answer that she should be happy to see the colonel at the time appointed.
During the whole time of that evening's performance our heroine's eyes were cast round the whole theatre in hopes of seeing her admirer. Her lovely bosom heaved with thoughts of a different kind from what she ever before experienced, but yet could not fix upon any particular person in the house to whom she might ascribe the note sent her in the morning.
Her curiosity was wound up to the highest pitch; in short, she never spent so disagreeable an evening.
At last the time came. The fair one hurried home, threw off her theatrical dress, and attired herself in the most engaging dishabille. Her lovely blue eyes languishing with desire, and her snowy bosom half exposed to view, could not, she thought, fail of captivating any beholder; her thoughts were of the most pleasing kind. Anticipating the arrival of a charming, youthful lover, she studied to set herself off to the best advantage.
At length the wished-for hour arrived; a knock at the door was heard; she ran herself to open it, when, lo! How great her disappointment, instead of an amorous, impatient, lovely youth ready to spring into her arms — the fond idea she had cherished — she beheld coming into the room a decrepid old man, who, as soon as he was seated, began to open his business in the following manner: 'Your condescension, madam, in permitting me the honour of this visit, has made me infinitely happy!'
Our heroine was not sufficiently recovered from her astonishment to make him any answer. The antiquated lover pursued his discourse: 'From the first moment I saw you, loveliest of women, I found I passionately loved.' It would tire the reader to repeat the conversation that ensued.
The colonel said that he knew of her situation, and very gallantly offered to extract her, on the simple condition of residing at H- Hall, where she should be her own mistress; and, to avoid the insinuations of a malicious world, should pass for the housekeeper's niece; at the same time frankly confessing, 'he was not able to pay his devoirs properly at the altar of Venus, therefore he hoped the lovely maid would have no objection to his proposal'; accompanying his solicitations with a pretty weighty purse. This last argument had more effect on the mind of our heroine than anything the colonel had hitherto said.
After revolving in her mind the difference between a starving actress and living in a house, though with a debilitated old lover, and under the character of his mistress, of the two evils she determined to choose the last; and, therefore, consented to his urgent entreaties, and it was agreed that the colonel's coach should receive her the following day.
We will pass over in silence the consternation of the dramatic heroes and heroines when they heard of the departure of their lovely and beautiful companion, whom we now behold an inmate of H — Hall; in which situation she was mightly contented for a short time. It might be here thought necessary to inform the reader why the colonel, who so readily confessed to our fair one that it was not for the sake of sacrificing at the altar of love that he wished to persuade her to go to H — Hall, it was more on this account — the colonel was ambitious that the world should think he was not so debilitated as was generally supposed, and that it should be said he had one of the finest girls in the kingdom then in keeping.
We will now return to our heroine, who, in a few months after her arrival at H — Hall, began to wish for a change in situation. She had heard much praise of London, and imagined, with a great deal of truth, that her lovely person would not long remain in that gay metropolis unnoticed. Being naturally of a warm constitution, Miss Polly, in reality, sighed to taste of those joys of which she has yet only an idea, and was firmly resolved that it should not be long before she parted with that, which, in her present situation, was a torment to her, though in general reckoned a blessing and a virtue.
The colonel had not been at all niggardly to his lovely mistress, but what he had bestowed upon her was chiefly for the decoration of her lovely person. The purse, the first present he had made her, was now almost exhausted. This made our heroine determine that at the first opportunity every possible means should be taken to fill it again, or to get another, and then to set out for London.
One night when the cloth was taken away after supper, the colonel and Polly being tete-a-tete, she thought it a proper time to begin her manoeuvres, as she well knew her old lover had that day received a great quantity of that valuable desideratum, some of which she hoped to obtain.
'My dear Sir, you seem a little fatigued; your tenants were so troublesome to you this morning!'
'Indeed, my love, I am; but I have not forgotten you. That parcel on the table is yours, my charming girl; so are these stockings; do, my dear, permit me to draw a pair on those charming limbs. Come, put your pretty foot upon my knee.'
Polly did as she was directed. The colonel placed the candle on the floor, that his optics might be more capable of seeing his way; he could not help placing his withered hand above her knee. The touch was ecstatic — the stocking was forgotten — his pulse beat quick, and his whole frame shook; and while his rude hand advanced Polly grasped the purse, which the colonel in his agitation had left upon the table.
'Put it in your pocket, angelic woman!' were now the only words the trembling colonel could articulate.
As Polly removed her foot from the colonel's knee, one of her snowy breasts came in contact with his face. 'Oh, heaven!'
He said no more, and absolutely fainted. Polly was frightened, but her fears were soon dissipated when she saw her lover open his eyes.
'My charmer, I feel new vigour; suffer me to come to your chamber tonight.'
At a reasonable time the impatient lover approached to what he hoped would be the chamber of bliss. Polly was a most irresistible figure, shrouded only in her chemise. The colonel had used the most stimulating provocatives, and it must be confessed that he had acquired a greater share of vigour than he had possessed for many years before, and was, with a little assistance, able to wage war with a willing victim; but our heroine was fully determined that her virginity should not be sacrificed at this time; having determined very shortly to bestow it on some more worthy votary of the Cyprian goddess.
As a merchant worth one hundred thousand pounds sometimes loses the whole in an hour, through the fickleness of one deity; so, by the precipitancy of another, did our old hero in one moment find himself robbed of all that store of manhood which had been accumulating for years back. Polly played off an evolution which answered her purpose, and which appeared as a perfect accident. The particulars our invariable modesty prevents us giving. Often since, however, has this charming girl, when her spirits were enlivened with the juice of the exhilarating bowl, related to her enraptured lovers the particulars of this entertaining scene. The liveliness of description and the warmth of colouring were expressed in such an animated style that her astonished auditors for the time believed the lovely narrator to be moved by the spirit.
Our heroine had now, by the recent bounty of the colonel, sufficient to defray her expenses to town, as well as something to subsist on whilst there. She therefore determined to engage a place in the stage coach, which passed by H — Hall every day. This being done, and having conveyed as many of her clothes as she conveniently could to a cottage bordering on the high road, she fixed a time for her departure. We will not relate the means taken to get away from H- Hall unobserved, or the consternation that ensued there when it was discovered that the housekeeper's niece had eloped; but must hasten to our heroine, who is now with a gay young barrister, the only other passenger in the coach, on the direct road to the great metropolis.
It cannot be supposed that this limb of the law could coolly observe the exquisite loveliness of his companion; he soon entered into conversation with her, and if he before admired the beauties of her person, he was now not less charmed with the brilliancy of her wit. Finding she was not averse to love, he plied her with the kind of language which a man that is long acquainted with the world knows how to use with success. Our heroine was quite captivated with him, and as night grew on, suffered him to take a few liberties, which might have alarmed the delicacy of a more modest woman, but Miss Polly thought no harm in granting. The natural warmth of our heroine's constitution could not long resist the ecstatic dalliance which ensued without discovering those palpitations which to the feelings of a lover and a seducer are so delightful. Her watchful companion soon perceived that the wished- for moment had arrived, and without any further ceremony daringly advanced to the centre of earthly joy. Modesty, or rather mock-modesty, gently resisted.
