entertainment, remarking that it was quite a novelty to him.
'What, my dear sir, and you a lusty widower!' exclaimed his dutiful nephew, Alfred Torrant, 'I should have thought that when you were the husband of such a splendid woman as my late Aunt, that you would not have neglected making trial of such a luscious performance.'
'Well, I must own,' responded the elder gentleman, for wine and lasciviousness made him speak out, 'that I did try on the little game more than once, but then I never took proper precautions. Had I gone deliberately to work and anointed my weapon properly, I might have succeeded, but the only occasions when I dared venture upon it, were when Mrs. B was asleep, or pretended to be so, and then it took such immense shoving and exertion to get the knob of my tool in, that she awoke, if indeed she were ever asleep, which I rather doubt, and then she was angry, and declared it was the sin of Sodom, and a lot more nonsense of the same kind, for she was a very pious woman, so that I was obliged to turn her over and give her a jolly good fucking, only for the sake of peace and quietness. Though it is my belief,' continued the worthy gentleman, in a musing tone, 'that if I had got fairly into her, I should have had no scolding, or heard any balderdash about Sodom, or any other place.'
'Dear me!' exclaimed the graceful Emily, 'I am quite surprised! I thought that married men knew everything, — that they were up to every move, as the saying is.'
'It just depends upon what sort of a bachelor life they have spent, my darling,' replied Captain Torrant, 'if they have spent a 'good boy humdrum sort of existence, the chances are they make but stupid companions for their young brides, who I am sure, must have either the-trouble frequently of enticing them, and instructing them in their duties (which I have no doubt plenty of them are able to do, by the bye) or else go without their lawful gratification. And as for any married ladies calling any such innocent little gambols as we have just been carrying on, 'unchaste' why, it is all nonsense! A pretty thing it would be indeed,' continued the young officer in a state of righteous indignation, 'if a husband could not get into his wife, how, when, and where he liked.'
'Certainly, Alfred,' responded Mr. Bonham, nodding, 'I quite agree with you.'
And in his present frame of mind he was quite sincere, and if he had seen his son-in-law in prospect fucking his beloved daughter Eliza into fits, and administering a hot clyster of spunk up her arse-hole, he would have looked at the scene with delightful eyes, and given the performers his fatherly benediction.
'Well, sir,' remarked Mrs. Goater, 'if you like to sleep here tonight, as no doubt you will choose to do, you shall be made very comfortable-and you can pick out any one or two of the young ladies here as your bedfellow. They will show you some delicious little performances between themselves that will make your prick stand whether you like it or not, and when it does so, they will treat you with such voluptuous lubricity as you would never have experienced if you had been married a hundred years.'
This matronly advice being warmly seconded by Captain Torrant, who added a recommendation to the effect that one of the girls should be French, and Mrs. Goater having recommended an experienced demoiselle called Juliette, and one named Maria, as her companion, the delighted Bonham was shown into a most luxurious chamber, feeling more like a he-goat or a young bull than a sanctimonious elder of the chapel which he patronized.
We have quite enough to do to follow his fortunes, so shall not at present trouble ourselves about Messrs Archer and Torrant. Indeed we may safely leave those inexperienced gentlemen to take care of themselves.
In the morning, however, Mr. Bonham was exhausted and no mistake.
Never since his honeymoon had he felt so thoroughly fucked out, and not even then, for the late Mrs. Bonham was a model of propriety; strong in her own person, strenuously resisted such lover-like, not to say sensual proceedings, as fucking upon the sofa, easy chair, up against the wall, in an arbour in the garden, and so forth; so it was rarely that the bridegroom was able to satisfy his longings, except in the legitimate place, namely, bed, and then, in the dark. So that when his handsome companions had retired to make their toilettes, desiring him to ring for anything he required, he was agreeably surprised upon doing so to find the bell answered by his dutiful nephew, who was accompanied by a slavey bearing a large dish of opened oysters and two or three bottles and tumblers.
The experienced young soldier insisted on his uncle immediately swallowing a half a tumbler of brandy and soda-water which was exceedingly grateful to his heated palate. Then he urged upon him the advisability of devouring as many oysters as he could possibly stow away.
They would, he said, give tone to his stomach, strength to his nerves and fresh vigour to his physical capabilities.
'Ha, hum!' said the elderly gentleman, in an assenting tone, 'that I think will be rather needful. I have taken more than one maidenhead in my times, I have fucked your aunt of blessed memory, for nearly a month at a time hand-running, but never, never have I experienced such a night as I have just passed. Those girls are perfect devils for fucking.
Why, Alfred, my dear boy, if you will believe, me, they fucked each other!'
'Oh, I know,' replied Alfred, 'that was Juliette's performance, I suppose.'
'Yes,' said his uncle, 'that tall, black-haired girl, when she saw I was temporarily used up, laid Maria down pulled her thighs open and got into her as if she herself had been a man. At first I thought that was all make-believe but seeing Maria beginning to wriggle her rump, I looked carefully at the process, and I'll be damned,' continued Mr. Bonham, forgetting his sanctity in his surprise and lust, 'if her clitoris was not sticking out of the lips of her cunt- more than an inch-and-ahalf and was working into Maria like a cock, a small one certainly, but effective. Well this excited me so greatly that I got new vigour, and taking advantage of Juliette's prostrate position, I made my first successful attempt at getting into a girl's bum-hole. Dear me,' said the worthy country gentleman, 'what a novice I have been, and what a number of delightful and comparatively innocent pleasures, I have in my ignorance debarred myself from. Much allowance must be made of course, for the novelty in my case, but I don't think I ever enjoyed myself so much in my whole life before; and what's more, the girl liked it too! or if she did not, she is a most accomplished actress, and it does her a good deal of credit. And my honest old cock has hardly had ten minutes peace all night; but I must say that these oysters and brandy have refreshed me extremely, and I am much obliged to you, Alfred, for your forethought.'
'Well sir,' replied the promising youth, meekly, 'you know where to come now. Of course you never intend to get married again at this time of day.' (Which was an artful speech of Master Alfred's and his uncle felt rather conscious.) 'And you are very fresh and vigorous, better than many a younger man, and it is a pity that you cannot enjoy yourself in a comfortable, bachelor like, legitimate way. Why should you bury yourself and Eliza in that dismal hole at Rutsden? Excuse me sir but it is rather a dreary place, when you might have a pretty villa at Richmond or Twickenham, with a pretty mistress keeping house for you, and you, yourself at liberty to visit your club, take dinners at Greenwich, or pay a visit to our esteemed hostess, Mrs. Goater, or to inspect her cabinet of choice curiosities by way of a change, whenever you felt disposed.'
That idea seemed to strike Mr. Bonham very favourably. A new vista in his career was opening to him. He had a very strong notion to partake of a pretty linnet (at present at Mrs. Moreen's) that would exactly suit such a cage as Alfred suggested at Richmond, or elsewhere.
As for marriage, or any such moral proceeding, that faded from before his eyes, his excuse to himself was that in a married man promiscuous fucking would be objectionable, and he foretold that he had not paid his last visit to Mrs. Goater's by many a one.
By this time it was eleven o'clock, the Lieutenant had taken himself out of the way, thinking that very probably the uncle and nephew would have some business affairs to arrange which might turn to the advantage of his chosen friend and comrade Torrant. And indeed the affair seemed likely to turn out in this way. For the first thing Mr.
Bonham did was to call Mrs. Goater and request her to summon the young girls who had given him such unqualified pleasure.
Among them he distributed all the loose cash he had about him, and it was no inconsiderable amount either, while Mrs. Goater was remunerated by a handsome cheque on his London bankers, for which she professed herself, and no doubt sincerely felt, very much obliged.
As for the girls, their gratitude knew no bounds. They half smothered the two gentlemen with lascivious kisses, and treated them to sundry exhibitions of their shapes and private parts, which brought on sundry fingerings and feelings. These farewell proceedings the young ladies doubtless considered would preserve their charms in the memory of the gentlemen, and probably they were right enough.
On leaving the hospitable mansion, Alfred proposed adjourning to his hotel, where they could have an early lunch on broiled bones, stewed oysters and sundry restoratives of that nature. But his businesslike uncle affirmed
