own life. But if you wish to have anything to do with me, you must obey. You are much weaker than I, and I am no democrat! It is all very simple. Don't pretend you don't understand!'
'I believe you really mean to kill me!' he said with pretended awe.
'I should think it's quite obvious, Prince! Either you kill me or I kill you or we go our separate ways!'
'I don't believe you're serious, Carmencita!'
We were already half way through breakfast before I condescended to reply.
'Will you whip or be whipped?' I said, cold and sudden.
'I…'
Again he shot me this childish glance that was meant to unnerve me, the tragic hero glance, pretending he was powerless before fate.
'I take it that I flog you,' I said brutally. 'Good. It is leather today. It is quite different. You will soon be able to tell the difference blindfolded.'
'Do you mean you're going to flog me again?'
This was his last entreaty. His world was governed by certain conventions. He couldn't understand. Or didn't want to.
I spat in his face.
'Get out!' I said. 'I will not see you today. I despise your cowardice. You are afraid of freedom. Then be like a good bull. I'll be your butcher.'
With that I left him struck dumb in the parlor.
I avoided him for the rest of the day.
— 7-
It took him three days to come 'round. Three wasted days!
'I'm ready for the leather,' he said.
'Ah, I'm so glad, my darling!' I said huskily, slipped naked into his arms.
He kissed me desperately.
'Do you love me a little, Carmencita?'
'I adore you, my wonderful Prince!' I breathed. 'Come, fuck me first! Show me you worship my cunt!'
Of course he came quickly. He was so afraid to come, for he was afraid of after.
Yes, there is always an after.
He was lying helpless, his emission quick and leaving him empty and unsatisfied.
I reached up to the wall and brought down the thongs.
'Oh, Carmencita!'
'Yes, my darling?'
'Could we not forget it, just for today?'
'Are you afraid?'
'No!'
'Then come! Today it will be easier for you. I am going to tie your hands and feet with thongs.'
He got into position like a ghost. I bound him securely at his four extremities.
'But today I'm going to gag you,' I said.
'No, Carmencita! Not that!'
'But why not? I will stop only when I feel like stopping anyway. I am taking my pleasure. Your noises distract me.'
'I believe you're mad! Oh, Carmencita!'
'In that case, you had better leave the estate, sir. It is certainly not safe to be alone with a madwoman.'
He fell silent.
I thrust a handkerchief in his mouth and tied it firmly in place with the silk belt of his dressing gown.
I took four thongs and began slowly.
This time his cock rose as he tried to enjoy the pain. I went 'round and sucked him off. He wriggled deliriously. But I was not finished. I beat him until he was unconscious. Then I cut him down, threw a rug over him, and took a walk about the grounds.
When I returned he had come to.
He was lying on the divan in his dressing gown, breathing heavily. I walked across to him and stroked his hair. Tears came to his eyes but he said nothing. I lay down beside him, brought my body close to his, and in that way we fell asleep.
That night we walked in the garden in the moonlight. He held my hand. I could feel that he was trying to say something but he did not seem to be able to speak. Perhaps he was not sure what it was he wanted to say, or perhaps it was something he had said before and which I had already treated with scorn.
'Three days until the full moon,' I said, gazing up at the moon racing among cirrus clouds, little white wisps which seemed to be given off by the moon itself in traveling.
I sensed his desperation.
'It will be all over after the full moon,' I said. 'You will be well again and you will fall in love with some brilliant woman at court and you will marry.'
'Never.' He spoke quietly, without hope. I liked him.
'That's your affair,' I said.
'And it means nothing to you?'
'Should it after I am dead?'
'There is no need for you to die.'
'What about your word of honor?'
'I would break it ten times over. But if you decide to live, my word is not affected. I promised to do nothing to hinder you, nor to speak of it afterwards, but I didn't promise to drag you to the cross if you yourself chose against it. You would be safe, darling!' He took me in his arms and gazed down sadly into my eyes. 'Miguel and his whole bloody crew would be at my mercy without you, for I am at your mercy and so at his. If you died, I would no longer be at his mercy but he would be protected by my promise. If you choose to live, he can touch neither you nor me and I can withhold my protection. Did he tell you this? No? Ah, I see he didn't. Yes Carmencita, upon you depends the future of the entire infamous Order. Yes, Count Miguel is making his last terrible bid to make it survive. He thinks that if he can marry his own reputation to that of the miracle of the crucified virgin — there is a great deal of superstition in Spain — he will be strong enough to foil any official attempt to break up the Order. He may be correct. It would harden his own Cardinals, very powerful men, against the more Liberal elements who are trying to break it up. There has lately been dissension even among the Cardinals. Miguel's predecessor was a weak old man who had not the authority to stem the fear that arose in his own ranks from the rising public opinion. They have reason to fear. If they are exposed, there will no doubt be some grave criminal proceedings against them. Seven Cardinals have already deserted and four of those have joined ranks with the Liberals.' He stopped. 'Oh, Carmencita, why not marry me? I can give you everything!'
'No, don't speak now. I want to know all about Miguel.'
'Miguel found you — God knows where! — and held you in a state of readiness until just this moment when he was elected. He has expected his predecessor to die for years. It's rumored he made four attempts on the old man's life. Even now it's nearly too late. But he thinks he can win by combining his election with the advent of the willing virgin.' He smiled through his sadness and said with gentle irony: 'That's you, Carmencita…'
'Yes.'
'You must die on the cross or Miguel is finished. So, you see, he is not at all interested in your last passion nor in your virginity, but only in the preservation of the Order in Spain.
'He had a great deal of luck with me. A number of years ago I was his worst political enemy.
