'And suddenly I knew you weren't a virgin and the Order was in my power.
'But it is you who are the virgin. Don't you see, Carmencita? And you are his, married in body and soul. And that puts me in his power. I am powerless to strike him.
'And with you he both achieves his 'miracle' and silences an important Liberal.
'Sometimes I think he groomed you both for the cross and for me!'
'How?'
'There was no need to go so far with his publicity as to make of his dedicated virgin victim a celebrated queen of the demimonde. Public men are often foolish victims of such courtesans. And no one could compare with you. You would do anything, anything. You would die on the cross for passion, you could be vulgar and noble, chaste and licentious, pure and debauched. No one would ever make love to you! Miguel meant it. He is the most cunning devil in Spain. Even a genius.'
'He is very clever,' I said quietly.
We walked a little further in the garden. We kissed again. He kissed my breasts.
'Tell me, Prince, why…'
'Why do you call me 'Prince'? You know my name.'
'Because you don't want me to. Is it not obvious?'
'How cruel you are, Carmencita!'
'Are you less cruel? Did you fall in love with me or did you want me for political reasons or is it the same thing in reality? But your personal reasons increased until you couldn't do without me. And so you try to change me and to mold me to your own pattern. If you succeed, you, too, kill two birds with one stone: you win me and you destroy your most dangerous political enemy.'
'How can you say so, Carmencita? How can you compare!'
I put my finger on his lips and sealed them.
'I want you to let me decide forever tomorrow morning, darling. If I decide against you, you must leave me at once and hold good to your promise to Miguel. If I decide against Miguel, you can destroy him and create me.'
'But I have still three days to influence you, Carmencita!'
'If I decide against you, I need three days to prepare myself for the cross.'
He was silent.
'Shall I have them? I am at your mercy, Prince. Will you be merciful?'
'Yes,' he said quietly.
He took me in his arms. 'Remember that I love you, my darling! It is of you I think always!'
'Then love me tonight!' I said, closing my eyes and turning my face up to his in the moonlight.
— 8-
The hands slipped deftly across my belly, the tongue sank deep into my cunt, the legs contained me, the belly straddled me; he made his best love that night.
But he made it for him, not for me, for there was neither thong nor knife in his hand as he offered love.
If he had offered that, if he had proven love, who knows, I might have changed my desires; what were those desires but the fruits of a disbelief in love? I am alone. The Prince is alone. Miguel is alone. The Prince lies. He tries to tell me that I am not alone. Miguel tells the truth. He tells me that I am.
Miguel, my love, be my executioner!
