The Melting-Pot

BARONESS

Perhaps he has right, Alexis. Our Ambassador vonce told me ze Americans are more sentimental zan civilised.

BARON

Ah, let them wait till they have ten million vermin overrunning their country-we shall see how long they will be sentimental. Think of it! A burrowing swarm creeping and crawling everywhere, ugh! They ruin our peasantry with their loans and their drink shops, ruin our army with their revolutionary propaganda, ruin our professional classes by snatching all the prizes and professorships, ruin our commercial classes by monopolising our sugar industries, our oil-fields, our timber-trade.... Why, if we gave them equal rights, our Holy Russia would be entirely run by them.

BARONESS

Mon dieu! C'est vrai. Ve real Russians vould become slaves.

QUINCY

Then what are you going to do with them?

BARON

One-third will be baptized, one-third massacred, the other third emigrated here.

[He strikes a match to relight his cigarette.]

QUINCY [Shudderingly]

Thank you, my dear Baron,-you've already sent me one Jew too many. We're going to stop all alien immigration.

BARON

To stop all alien-? But that is barbarous!

QUINCY

Well, don't let us waste our time on the Jew-problem ... our own little Jew-problem is enough, eh? Get rid of this little fiddler. Then I may have a look in. Adieu, Baron.

BARON

Adieu.

[Holding his hand] But you are not really serious about Vera?

[The BARONESS makes a gesture of annoyance.]

QUINCY

Not serious, Baron? Why, to marry her is the only thing I have ever wanted that I couldn't get. It is torture! Baroness, I rely on your sympathy.

[He kisses her hand with a pretentious foreign air.]

BARONESS [In sentimental approval]

Ah! l'amour! l'amour!

[Exit QUINCY DAVENPORT, taking his cap in passing.] You might have given him a little encouragement, Alexis.

BARON

Silence, Katusha. I only tolerated the man in Europe because he was a link with Vera.

BARONESS

You accepted his yacht and his--

BARON

If I had known his loose views on divorce--

BARONESS

I am sick of your scruples. You are ze only poor official in Bessarabia.

BARON

Be silent! Have I not forbidden--?

BARONESS [Petulantly]

Forbidden! Forbidden! All your life you have served ze Tsar, and you cannot afford a single automobile. A millionaire son-in-law is just vat you owe me.

BARON

What I owe you?

BARONESS

Yes, ven I married you, I vas tinking you had a good position. I did not know you were too honest to use it. You vere not open viz me, Alexis.

BARON

You knew I was a Revendal. The Revendals keep their hands clean....

[With a sudden start he tiptoes noiselessly to the door leading

to the hall and throws it open. Nobody is visible. He closes it

shamefacedly.]

BARONESS [Has shared his nervousness till the door was opened, but now

bursts into mocking laughter] If you thought less about your precious safety, and more about me and Vera--

BARON

Hush! You do not know Vera. You saw I was even afraid to give my name. She might have sent me away as she sent away the Tsar's plate of mutton.

BARONESS

The Tsar's plate of--?

BARON

Did I never tell you? When she was only a school-girl-at the Imperial High School-the Tsar on his annual visit tasted the food, and Vera, as the show pupil, was given the honour of finishing his Majesty's plate.

BARONESS [In incredulous horror]

And she sent it avay?

BARON

Gave it to a servant.

[Awed silence.] And then you think I can impose a husband on her. No, Katusha, I have to win her love for myself, not for millionaires.

BARONESS [Angry again]

Alvays so affrightfully selfish!

BARON

I have no control over her, I tell you!

[Bitterly] I never could control my womenkind.

BARONESS

Because you zink zey are your soldiers. Silence! Halt! Forbidden! Right Veel! March!

BARON [Sullenly]

I wish I did think they were my soldiers-I might try the lash.

BARONESS [Springing up angrily, shakes parasol at him]

You British barbarian!

VERA [Outside the door leading to the interior]

Yes, thank you, Miss Andrews. I know I have visitors.

BARON [Ecstatically]

Vera's voice!

[The BARONESS lowers her parasol. He looks yearningly toward the

door. It opens. Enter VERA with inquiring gaze.]

VERA [With a great shock of surprise]

Father!!

BARON