The Melting-Pot

FRAU QUIXANO

Dovid? Er ist meshuggah.

[She taps her forehead.]

PAPPELMEISTER [Puzzled, to MENDEL]

Meshuggah! Vat means meshuggah? Crazy?

MENDEL [Half-smiling]

You've struck it. She says David doesn't know enough to go in out of the rain.

[General laughter.]

DAVID [Rising]

But it's stopped raining, Herr Pappelmeister. You don't want your umbrella.

[General laughter.]

PAPPELMEISTER

So.

[Shuts it down.]

MENDEL

Herein, Mutter.

[He pushes FRAU QUIXANO'S somewhat shrinking form into the

elevator. KATHLEEN follows, then MENDEL.] Herr Pappelmeister, we are all your grateful servants.

[PAPPELMEISTER bows; the gates close, the elevator descends.]

DAVID

And you won't think me ungrateful for running away-you know my thanks are too deep to be spoken.

PAPPELMEISTER

And zo are my congratulations!

DAVID

Then, don't speak them, please.

PAPPELMEISTER

But you must come and speak to all de people in America who undershtand music.

DAVID [Half-smiling]

To your four connoisseurs?

[Seriously] Oh, please! I really could not meet strangers, especially musical vampires.

PAPPELMEISTER [Half-startled, half-angry]

Vampires? Oh, come!

DAVID

Voluptuaries, then-rich, idle æsthetes to whom art and life have no connection, parasites who suck our music--

PAPPELMEISTER [Laughs good-naturedly]

Ha! Ha! Ha! Vait till you hear vat dey say.

DAVID

I will wait as long as you like.

PAPPELMEISTER

Den I like to tell you now.

[He roars with mischievous laughter.] Ha! Ha! Ha! De first vampire says it is a great vork, but poorly performed.

DAVID [Indignant]

Oh!

PAPPELMEISTER

De second vampire says it is a poor vork, but greatly performed.

DAVID [Disappointed]

Oh!

PAPPELMEISTER

De dird vampire says it is a great vork greatly performed.

DAVID [Complacently]

Ah!

PAPPELMEISTER

And de fourz vampire says it is a poor vork poorly performed.

DAVID [Angry and disappointed]

Oh!

[Then smiling] You see you have to go by the people after all.

PAPPELMEISTER [Shakes head, smiling]

Nein. Ven critics disagree-I agree mit mineself. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[He slaps DAVID on the back.] A great vork dat vill be even better performed next time! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ten dousand congratulations.

[He seizes DAVID'S hand and grips it heartily.]

DAVID

Don't! You hurt me.

PAPPELMEISTER [Dropping DAVID'S hand,-misunderstanding]

Pardon! I forgot your vound.

DAVID

No-no-what does my wound matter? That never stung half so much as these clappings and congratulations.

PAPPELMEISTER [Puzzled but solicitous]

I knew your nerves vould be all shnapping like fiddle-shtrings. Oh, you cheniuses!

[Smiling.] You like neider de clappings nor de criticisms,- was?

DAVID

They are equally-irrelevant. One has to wrestle with one's own art, one's own soul, alone!

PAPPELMEISTER [Patting him soothingly]

I am glad I did not let you blay in Part Two.

DAVID

Dear Herr Pappelmeister! Don't think I don't appreciate all your kindnesses-you are almost a father to me.

PAPPELMEISTER

And you disobey me like a son. Ha! Ha! Ha! Vell, I vill make your excuses to de-vampires. Ha! Ha! Also, David.

[He lays his hand again affectionately on DAVID'S right

shoulder.] Lebe wohl! I must go down to my popular classics.

[Gloomily] Truly a going down! Was?

DAVID [Smiling]

Oh, it isn't such a descent as all that. Uncle said you ought to have given them comic opera.

PAPPELMEISTER [Shuddering convulsively]

Comic opera.... Ouf!

[He goes toward the elevator and rings the bell. Then he turns

to DAVID.] Vat vas dat vord, David?

DAVID