'Because I promised her.'
There was a deathly silence as my assistants digested this information.
'So she walks and Green and Scaly dies, is that it?'
'You're sellin' out your partner for a skirt? That musta been some kiss.'
I slowly turned to face them, and, mad as they were, they fell silent.
'Now listen close,' I said quietly, 'because I'm not going to go over it again. If we tried to follow her back to their hideout, and she spotted us, she'd lead us on a wild goose chase and we'd never catch up with them… and we need that so-called corpse. I don't think her testimony alone will swing the verdict.'
'But Boss, if we let her get away…'
'We'll find them,' I said. 'Without us dogging her footsteps, she'll head right back to her partners.'
'But how will we…'
In answer, I pulled Luanna's scarf from my tunic. 'Fortunately, she was kind enough to provide us with a means to track her, once we recruit the necessary were wolf.'
Guido gave my back a slap that almost staggered me. 'Way to go, Boss,' he crowed. 'You really had me goin' for a minute. I thought that chickie had really snowed you.'
I looked up to find Massha eyeing me suspiciously. 'That was quite a kiss. Hot Stuff,' she said. 'If I didn't know better, I'd think that young lady is more than a little stuck on you… and you just took advantage of it.'
I averted my eyes, and found myself staring down the road again.
'As a wise woman once told me,' I said, 'sometimes you have to do things you don't like to support your partner… Now, let's go find these Woof Writers.'
Chapter Nine
'My colleagues and I feel that independents like Elf Quest are nothing but sheep in wolves' clothing!'
THE Woof Writers turned out to be much more pleasant than I had dared hope, which was fortunate as my werewolf disguises were some of the shakiest I'd ever done. Guido was indeed allergic to werewolves as feared (he started sneezing a hundred yards from their house) and was waiting outside, but even trying to maintain two disguises was proving to be a strain on my powers in this magic-poor dimension. I attempted to lessen the drain by keeping the changes minimal, but only succeeded in making them incredibly unconvincing even though my assistants assured me they were fine. No matter what anyone tells you, believe, me, pointy ears alone do not a wolf make.
You might wonder why I bothered with disguises at all? Well, frankly, we were getting a little nervous. Everyone we had talked to or been referred to in this dimension was so nice! We kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. All of our talks and discussions of possible traps had made us so skittish that we were now convinced that there was going to be a double-cross somewhere along the way. The only question in our minds was when and by whom.
With that in mind, we decided it would be best to try to pass ourselves off as werewolves until we knew for sure the Woof Writers were as well-disposed toward humans as Vilhelm said they were. The theory was that if they weren't, the disguises might give us a chance to get out again before our true nature was exposed. The only difficulty with that plan was that I had never seen a werewolf in my life, so not only was I working with a shortage-of energy, I was unsure as to what the final result should look like. As it turned out, despite their knowledgeable advice, my staff didn't know either.
While we're answering questions from the audience, you might ask, if neither I nor my assistants knew what a werewolf looked like, how I knew the disguises were inadequate? Simple. I deduced the fact after one look at real werewolves. That and the Woof Writers told me so. Didn't I tell you they were great folks? Of course, they let us sweat for a while before admitting that they knew we were poorly disguised humans all along, but I myself tend to credit that to their dubious sense of humor. It's Massha who insists it was blatant sadism. Of course, she was the one who had to eat a bone before they acknowledged the joke.
Anyway, I was talking about the Woof Writers. It was interesting in that I had never had much opportunity to watch a husband-wife team in action before (my parents don't count). The closest thing to the phenomenon I had witnessed was the brother-sister team of Tananda and Chumley, but they spent most of their conversational time trying to 'one-down' each other.
The Woof Writers, in contrast, seemed to take turns playing 'crazy partner-sane partner.' They never asked my opinion, but I felt that she was much better at playing the crazy than he. He was so good at playing the straight that when he did slip into crazy mode. it always came as a surprise.
'Really, dear,' Idnew was saying to Massha, 'wouldn't you like to slip out of that ridiculous disguise into something more comfortable? A werewolf with only two breasts looks so silly.'
'Idnew,' her husband said sternly, 'you're making our guests uncomfortable. Not everyone feels as easy about discussing their bodies as you do.'
'It's the artist in me,' she returned, 'And besides, Drahcir, who was it that set her up to eat a bone?-and an old one at that. If you were a little more conscientious when you did the shopping instead of stocking up on junk food…'
'Oh, don't worry about me. Hairy and Handsome,' Massha interceded smoothly, dropping into her vamp role. 'I've got no problems discussing my body, as long as we get equal time to talk about yours. I've always liked my men with a lot of facial hair, if you get my drift.'
I noticed Idnew's ears flatten for a moment before returning to their normal upright position. While it may have been nothing more than a nervous twitch, it occurred to me that if we were going to solicit help from these two, it might not be wise to fan any embers of jealousy that might be lying about.
'Tell me,' I said hastily, eager to get the subject away from Massha's obvious admiration of Drahcir, 'What got you started campaigning for better relationships between humans and werewolves?'
'Well, there were many factors involved,' Drahcir explained, dropping into the lecturer mode I had grown to know so well in such a short time. 'I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that the bad reputation humans have is vastly overrated. There is actually very little documented evidence to support the legends of human misconduct. For the most part, werewolves tend to forget that, under the proper conditions, we turn into humans. Most of them are afraid or embarrassed and hide themselves away until it passes, but Idnew and I don't. If anything we generally seize the opportunity to go out and about and get the public used to seeing harmless humans in their midst. Just between us, though, I think Idnew here likes to do it because it scares the hell out of folks to be suddenly confronted by a human when they aren't expecting it. In case you haven't noticed, there's a strong exhibitionist streak in my wife. For myself, it's simply a worthy cause that's been neglected for far too long.'
'The other factor, which my husband has neglected to mention,' Idnew put in impishly, 'is that there's a lot of money in it.'
'There is? 'I asked.
My work with Aahz had trained me to spot profit opportunities where others saw none, but this time the specific angle had eluded me.
'There… umm… are certain revenues to be gleaned from our campaign,' Drahcir said uneasily, shooting a dark glance at his wife. 'T-shirts, bumper stickers, lead miniatures, fan club dues, greeting cards, and calendars, just to name a few. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it. Lest my wife leave you with the wrong impression of me, however, let me point out that I'm supporting this particular cause because I really believe in it. There are lots of ways to make money.'
'… and he knows them all, don't you dear?' Idnew said with a smile.
'Really?' I interrupted eagerly. 'Would you mind running over a few? Could I take notes?'
'Before you get carried away, High Roller,' Massha warned, 'remember why we came here originally.'
'Oh! Right! Thanks, Massha. For a minute there I… Right!'
