I walked to the back. The office was dark. When I turned on the light, I found him hunched in a corner, his body curled up in a tight ball. I immediately dropped down beside him.
'What's wrong?'
After several seconds, he lifted his eyes up to mine. They were dark and troubled. 'Nothing.'
To contradict him seemed both obvious and pointless. 'What can I do to help?'
He laughed bitterly, a terrible sound. 'Don't you get it, Kincaid? Nothing helps, that's the problem. There's no point to any of this. You know that as well as I do.'
'Do I?'
He gave me a cynical smile. 'You're one of the most depressed people I know. Even when you're smiling and flirting and all of that. I know you hate this life. This world. I know you think it's all stupid. '
'Not true. There's good in the bad. There's always hope. What's gotten into you?'
'Just reality, that's all. Just woke up and realized how stupid it all is. Dunno why I even bother.'
I touched his arm. 'Hey, you're kind of freaking me out here. Did you get any sleep? Do you need something to eat?'
He leaned back against the wall, face still bleak and full of snide humor. 'Kincaid, I need so many fucking things, it's not even funny. But you know what? We don't get them. That's how it is. What's that saying? Life is brutish and short?'
'Er…close enough.'
I sat there with him for a long time, listening to him go on. His words were an outpouring of bitter anger and black despair. A frightening combination. I'd never heard him like this. Not upbeat Doug, always ready with a joke. Doug, the guy who never took anything seriously. His bleak face reminded me of Casey's when I'd found her in the café, but she hadn't been this down.
As the clock ticked, I wondered what I should do. He certainly couldn't work today, yet I feared sending him home. Who knew what he might do in this mood? Previously, I would never have worried about him hurting himself, but all bets seemed to be off now.
'I want you to stay here,' I finally said, standing up and straightening the kinks out of my legs. 'I've got to get back out there, but I'm going to check on you later, okay? Promise you'll find me if you need me. We'll eat lunch later on. I'll get us some falafels from that place you like.'
He only gave me a twisted half-smile, face stormy and mocking. I left, taking the letter opener with me.
His mood didn't change as the day wore on; even the falafels did no good. Once more, I wondered desperately what I should do. He had no family in the city I could call. I knew the hospitals had psych emergency services; should I contact one of them?
Shortly after lunch, Alec showed up. He avoided Casey's pleading eyes and gave me a smile that tried too hard. 'Hey Georgina, is Doug around?'
I hesitated. I didn't like Alec, but he was sort of Doug's friend. Maybe that would help. I led the drummer to the back. When Doug saw him, he leapt up with an astounding burst of energy, his face both desperate and rapt.
'Jesus Christ, man! Where have you been?'
'Sorry,' said Alec. 'I got held up.'
They huddled together, then looked uneasily over at me. Sensing I was unwanted, I backed out of the office but not before I saw Alec reaching into his coat and Doug looking very eager.
It was Alec, I realized. Alec was feeding Doug whatever drug he was addicted to. The realization made me want to go in there and throttle him, wipe that stupid grin off his face. Yet, when the two emerged a half hour later, the change in Doug was so marked that I couldn't bring myself to act.
A swagger had returned to his step, the normal cheery grin back on his face. Janice passed by, and he made some playful remark that caused her to laugh. Seeing me, he pranced up and saluted.
'Ready for duty, boss. What do you have for me?'
'I…' I stared stupidly, which only made him smile more.
'Rein it in, Kincaid,' he said with mock severity. 'I know that as a good groupie, you're ready to take me anytime, anywhere. But, as literary professionals, we've got to control our passion until after hours.'
I was still staring. 'Um…why don't you, uh, grab a register?'
He saluted again and clicked his heels together, military style. 'Can do.' He turned to Alec. 'I'll see you at the rehearsal tonight?'
'Yup.'
Doug flashed both of us a grin, then sauntered off.
I stood there alone with Alec. He waited expectantly, like I was supposed to say something. The words 'fuck off' seemed appropriate, but I changed my mind. I smiled at him. It was a slow, sweeping smile that started with my lips and then shone in my eyes, the kind of smile that said I'd just noticed something I'd never seen before. Something I suddenly liked—and wanted.
Alec's own smile faltered. I think hitting on me had become so automatic, he didn't expect a response anymore. He swallowed and then turned his own grin back on.
'A rehearsal, huh?' I said. 'You guys got another show coming up?'
'Next weekend. You going to come?'
'I'll try. Are you going to have another party after?'
'Probably. Wyatt's having one tomorrow if you wanna go to that.'
'Are you going to be there?' I asked silkily, catching his eye meaningfully.
'You bet.'
'Then I'll be there.' I turned to go, still giving him the hypnotic smile. 'See you then.'
As soon I was out of his sight, my smile lapsed into a grimace. Ack. I hadn't thought it was possible to loathe that guy anymore, but I'd been proven wrong once again. Still, flirting with him, I'd realized, might be the best way to figure out what was going on with Doug. I felt pretty sure Alec had tried to push whatever he had on Casey. If I appeared to fall prey to his so-called charm too, he might let me share in the goods.
Doug, as I soon discovered, certainly wasn't going to provide any help in the matter.
'You've got something,' I teased later when he and I ran into each other in the fantasy books. I gave him the lethal smile.
He returned it. 'Magnetism? Sex appeal? Intelligence? Babe, I've got it all.'
I stepped forward and pulled playfully on his shirt, looking up into his face. 'That's not what I mean. You've got something good, something you aren't sharing.'
He stayed close to me and tugged on a lock of my hair in return. 'Don't know what you're talking about.'
'The hell you don't. Do you know how many hours I've been working for you and Paige lately? Good lord. It's driving me crazy. Grey Goose only goes so far. If you've got some stash, you need to spread the love.'
'Hey, I'll spread as much love as you want. Name the time and place.'
'I thought we were friends.' I pushed lightly on his chest and stepped back with a pout. 'You're holding out on me. No way could you have perked up so quickly. Not after how you were this morning. You took something. '
'Bah, mood swing. You're a woman; you understand. Just woke up grumpy, that's all. A little falafel and some Kincaid charm, and now I'm good to go. Great even.' He took a step back toward me, apparently hoping I'd renew the flirtation. Heat burned in his eyes, something a little darker and more intense than our typical bantering called for. 'In fact, I'm downright unstoppable now. A god, babe. Come on back to the office, and I'll show you.'
I walked away, giving him a taunting look over my shoulder, still playing it light. 'Not my religion, babe.'
He laughed as I left him. We'd been flirting for years, and I knew he'd probably take no offense at my teasing or baiting. I, on the other hand, was pissed. Bad enough this shit of Alec's could push Doug into over-the-top exuberance and inappropriate behavior at work. Dragging him into the pits of despair, however, was an entirely different matter. I was going to find out what was going on and put an end to it— even if it meant cozying up to that sleaze, Alec.
Remembering one of the other complications in my life right now, I called Bastien later that night for a status check.
