I was seriously worried now. 'You can tell me. It's okay. What's up?'
She sighed. 'It's Seth.'
Oh, fuck.
CHAPTER 22
'What about Seth?' I asked stiffly. I waited then for the shouts, for the accusations. Any of them would have been understandable. What I didn't expect were tears building up in her eyes.
'I think…I think something's wrong. I think he's trying to let me down easy or something.'
'Why would you think that?' I channeled Grace and Mei, keeping my face as still and expressionless as theirs.
'He's just…I don't know. He's been so distracted lately.'
'Seth's always distracted. You know how he is with his books.'
'Yeah, I know. And it drives me crazy sometimes.' I remembered her disappointment at Casey's party. 'But this is something different, I can feel it. Only, I don't know what it is. He's not around much, and when he is, it's like he's with me but not with me. He always says nothing's wrong, but it doesn't feel right. And we haven't…'
'Haven't what?' I asked, guessing the answer.
A deep pink blush blossomed on her cheeks. 'We haven't been having sex. Each time I even kind of suggest it, he's just not…well, he doesn't really seem into it.'
Talking about their sex life was one of the most painful conversation topics I could imagine, short of her realizing I was to blame for its problems. So, I kept up with my pokerfaced therapist mode.
'How long has it been going on?'
'About a week.'
Yup, that made sense. That was right around the time my stasis had begun. Here I'd been expecting Maddie to come after me, to pick up on one of the covert looks Seth and I had shared. But she hadn't. It had never even crossed her mind to suspect me of anything duplicitous. In fact, she'd come to me for help because I was one of the few people she trusted with something like this.
And that made it all the worse when I had to lie to her. In any other situation, I would have advised a friend to take control of her relationship, to corner her man and not be used. And maybe…maybe I should have. If I advised her to break up with Seth, that would clear the way for us. Did I want that again? I didn't know. I still wasn't thinking past the day I would turn into a succubus again. I was living irresponsibly, focusing on the now, and continued that here with Maddie.
My next words were spoken so winningly, so convincingly that there was no way she could ever think I didn't have her best interests at heart. I might have been relying on my succubus abilities to smooth my hair all this time, but charming and persuading people was a core part of my personality. She never stood a chance.
'A week?' I gave her a gentle smile. 'That's not very long. You can't really base a major crisis on that yet- especially when you consider who you're dealing with. I mean, like you said, you've seen him get so busy with work that he cancels or even forgets things, right?'
'Yeah,' she said, sniffling in a continued attempt to keep back her tears. 'It's just never been like this. I don't know. I've never had a serious relationship. I don't know how it's supposed to work.'
'You guys have only been going out for, like, four months. It takes longer than that to really get to know someone's patterns.' With a pang, I realized she and Seth had dated longer than he and I had. 'This may be one you've got to get used to. He's probably stressed, and sex is the last thing on his mind-as hard as that is to believe. Give him some time. If it keeps happening, then it might be time to worry. But it's too soon now.'
I could tell by her face that my words had given her hope. 'Yeah…you're probably right. But…do you think…do you think I'm doing something wrong? Should I do something different? Act differently? Dress sexier?'
Oh God. I so did not want to be advising Maddie on how to seduce Seth. 'Well…I wouldn't worry about any of that quite yet. Overthinking it'll just stress you out more. Just wait a little bit. If something's on his mind, it may take him some time to work through it.'
She'd defeated her tears and now adopted a resolute look. 'Sometimes I don't know if I'm fooling myself, like that I'm just caught up in my first big romance. But, seriously, some days, I feel like I've found the one. Like if he wanted to run off right now, I'd do it.' The love on her face was like a bullet through my heart. 'If something's wrong, I want to help him through it.'
'I know, I know, but you still don't know what 'it' is. If it's a writing thing, he's got to work it out. If it's something else…well, I'm sure he'll come talk about it when he's ready.'
Her dark eyes were contemplative, looking at me without seeing me while she processed all of this. 'You're probably right,' she said at last. She gave me a small, rueful smile and shook her head. 'God, I feel kind of stupid. Look at me. Some kind of champion for strong women, huh? Did I mess up my makeup? And oh God, did I really just ask that?'
'No, it's fine. And you're not stupid. Your feelings are normal.' I stood up, needing to get out of here. The room was making me claustrophobic. I had to get away from her, away from her trust. 'I'm going to go do a sweep. They should be opening any minute.'
She rose as well and ran a hand over her eyes one last time. 'Yeah, I've got things to do too. Thanks for listening to me.' Before I could open the door, she gave me a small, fierce hug. 'I'm glad you're my friend.'
With that, she left to tend to her work. Meanwhile, I wished a hole would open on the floor and swallow me up. I almost wished Nanette would show up and end my misery. Thankfully, I only had two hours until I was meeting Roman. Then I'd be free of this misery and self-loathing that Maddie was unknowingly stirring up in me. But if I'd hoped store business would prove a distraction, I was wrong. A half-hour later, an errand to the café brought me face-to-face with Seth.
He sat at a table with his laptop and looked up as though he could sense that I was nearby. He smiled, and my heart raced. I smiled back before I could stop myself. He looked like he wanted me to come over, yet I worried about attracting attention or tipping others off. Of course, it might actually look more suspicious if I didn't talk to him, I realized. Long ago, it was perfectly common for me to stop by and chat with him. No one had ever perceived it as anything more than friendly banter.
So, after dropping off some books, I strolled over and sat across from him. 'Hey,' I said, feeling warm under his gaze.
'Hey,' he replied. 'You look beautiful today.'
I glanced down and laughed. Along with my limited wardrobe, I was also discovering that not doing laundry decreased my clothing options even further. I was in jeans and a plain black T-shirt today, and my hair had been lucky to get a quick brushing, let alone any real styling. I'd overslept and figured beachcombing didn't require much primping anyway.
'Liar,' I said. 'I practically rolled out of bed this morning.'
'You forget that I've seen you in just about every state imaginable. You don't have to have every detail primped and perfect. You're beautiful even when you're disheveled. Sometimes more so.'
'Hey! Are you saying I'm disheveled now?'
'No, you're somewhere in the middle of primped and disheveled. And you still look beautiful.'
I received compliments all the time, but from him, they were golden and wonderful. Even the smallest ones. 'And you,' I said, 'seem to try to be disheveled.'
He ran a hand over his slightly messy hair. I think his intent was to smooth it, but he only mussed it further. 'People spend fortunes on hair gel to get this look, you know.'
'And fortunes on shirts like that,' I said, gesturing to his vintage Ovaltine T-shirt. 'There are collectors who'd pay a lot of money for that on eBay.'
'I am one of those people.'
I laughed. 'There's a treasure trove of T-shirts waiting for you in Vancouver, you know. I kept seeing them and thinking of you.'
