as he knew she liked. 'There, lass. It's over.' No more awkward pats—he'd gotten good at comforting her
By the time her tears had waned, she was in his lap, in the circle of his arms, her body boneless. Against her hair, he said, 'Let me be here whenever you need me. Marry me in the morning.'
After a long hesitation, she asked, 'But how can I trust you?'
'Just give me one more chance. You will no' regret it.'
At last, she gave a shaky nod. 'If you vow to me that you'll be faithful, I will.'
He cradled her face in his hands to meet her glinting eyes. 'Maddy, I swear it. I'll be true to you.'
'But, Ethan, I can't have my hopes crushed anymore. I promise you this is it, the last time I'll go through something like this. So please, don't hurt me again.'
'I will no', love. I vow it.' When he said the vow, he finallydid mean it—he would do everything in his power to spare her pain.
But he feared no matter what his intentions were now, his past wrongs would prove him a liar. The truth was destructive and would only hurt her more.
Which meant he had to ensure she could never find out.
Chapter Thirty-six
Oh, Lord, what am I doing? Maddy thought in the middle of her wedding ceremony. Was she really going to go through with this? If not, she had approximately two minutes to flee before she and Ethan were to repeat their vows.
As much as you've pushed for this, Maddy?Yes, but that had been before the last two days! Now she wasn't as sure about him….
The ceremony was being presided over by the village's registrar—Mr. Barnaby, a kindly older Scot, with a brogue not quite as thick as Ethan's—and everything so far felt dreamlike to her. She dimly heard the man say, 'I have been appointed by the Registrar General to solemnize civil marriages in accordance with the law of Scotland. We are now assembled here in order that I may bind in marriage Ethan Ross MacCarrick and Madeleine Isobel Van Rowen….'
Thoughts warred in her mind, but she strove to make her expression placid. Ethan stood tensed beside her, watching her like a hawk, probably sensing she was tempted to run.
When she'd awakened this morning, the sorrow that had taken hold of her for the previous two days had been swept away, and the only thing left was pure, unadulterated…panic.
But why? Ethan was genuinely sorry for his actions, disaster had been averted, and he'd been so wonderful last night, stroking her hair until she'd fallen asleep. At last, she was going to be like one of those young wives in the boulangerie.
Am I doing something to leave myself vulnerable…?
She wanted to fan herself, to step outside of the close room and catch her breath. Her palms were wet around the small bouquet she clutched, and her corset chafed her. She irritably piped her lips to blow her short, cream-colored veil away from her face. Not only was she panicked, she must be paranoid as well, because she could have sworn that Ethan winced earlier when Barnaby had said her name.
Just before Ethan was to repeat his vows, she sneaked a glance up at him. His shoulders were back, and he appeared both proud to be with her and relieved. Then she saw him swallow hard. He was nervous, too, but here he was standing by her side, ready to pledge his life to her.
Naturally, people became anxious during their wedding ceremony. Everything was as it should be.
As he began to speak his vows, he gazed down at her, and the yearning in his eyes staggered her. His voice was deep and rough, but compelling when he said, 'I, Ethan MacCarrick, vow tae love, honor, and respect you, Madeleine Van Rowen. I pledge tae be a faithful, honest, and devoted husband in good times and bad. This is my promise tae you today and for the rest of my life.'
Oh, Ethan.And that was when she caught her breath for the first time that morning. A calm suffused her, and she stilled. Maddy had the sudden sense that everything in her life had been leading her to this moment, to this man—a proud, powerful Highlander who gazed at her with fierce, dark eyes and who gentled his touch, just for her.
Look at her….Ethan thought as she repeated her vows. How could he not do whatever was in his power to call her his own?
Intelligence shone in her bright blue eyes; she raised her chin proudly. Her nervousness this morning had been palpable, but she was still going through with this wedding.Brave lass, to take a chance on me .
What man wouldn't lie, steal, or kill to have her?
After their vows had been exchanged, Ethan made a silent promise to himself. He would begin tying up loose ends and covering his tracks immediately—
'Following the binding declaration which you have made before me,' the registrar began, 'I hereby pronounce that you, Ethan Ross MacCarrick, and you, Madeleine Isobel MacCarrick, are now husband and wife.'
Relief.Ethan's hand found hers.
'Scot, we are both unclothed and in bed,' Maddy said shortly after they'd arrived back at Carillon. 'Is there any particular reason why you're stalling at this juncture?' He'd been kissing her senseless as they'd undressed each other, but then he'd stopped.
He gazed down at her. 'I'm not stalling—I'm savoring. It's no' every day a man gets married, and this has been a long time coming.'
'Do you think I'll be worth the wait?'
'Youwere the wait. If I dinna have you, I would no' marry. Besides, maybe you should be stalling. After this, there's no getting away from me.'
She pressed her palm to his chest. His heart was thundering. 'Are you nervous again?'
'Aye,' he said with a solemn nod. 'Apparently the last time I tried this, I dinna acquit myself so well.'
She grinned. 'But I'm confident you will now.'
He smiled wickedly, leaning down to nip her breast. 'Then, Maddy MacCarrick, let's get to consummatin' this marriage.'
When she held her arms up to him, coaxing him to her body, he glanced the backs of his fingers down her belly. 'So lovely,' he said. 'Are you nervous as well?'
'Truth?'
'Truth.'
'I'm a bit terrified, Ethan.'
'I'll go slow. You will no' hurt again.'
She rolled her hips. 'I hurt now.'
'God knows I do, too.' He gently cupped her between her legs, groaning when he slipped a finger inside her. 'Aingeal, you have tae relax.'
'I can't,' she whispered miserably. 'Maybe weshould wait longer? I think I've changed my mind.'
He rested his forehead against hers. 'Maddy, you will no' be more ready than you are now. The longer we wait, the worse your misgivings will be. I see that now.'
'But you were so awful after the first time. I have this nightmare that once I give in, you'll get that cruel smirk and say hateful things. And then…'
'And then?'
'Then you'll leave me.'
'Maddy lass, you're stuck with me. You will no' ever get away,' he said, then no doubt trying to lighten her mood, he added, 'But you best make it good, so there's no doubt.'
She gasped, and he pulled her to her side to give her a light rap on her bottom, making her peal with laughter.
'You're shameless!' she said breathlessly, her eyes excited.
'Aye. But that's what you love about me.'Ach, she dinna deny it. 'Trust me, and I will no' let you
