Web Site Story

'Wind down your window sir and don't make any sudden moves,' said the border guard, displaying an impressive array of armaments.

Derek wound his window down in a slow and easy manner.

'Anything to declare?' asked the border guard. He was a very big border guard, he bulged out of his uniform. 'Have you anything to declare?'

Derek knew better than to offer an Oscar Wilde. 'Nothing to declare,' he said. 'We're just visiting my aunty.'

The border guard looked in at Derek. 'You're not a very big man, are you?' he said.

'I'm big enough,' said Derek.

'I'll put you down as one-way visitors,' said the border guard. 'It will save me the paperwork later.'

‘I’ll only be an hour,' said Derek.

'Oh I see,' said the border guard. 'Well please excuse me, sir. I had no idea that you were a superhero. It's always hard to tell.'

'I'm a newspaper reporter,' said Derek.

'Aha,' said the border guard. 'Mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Planet. Welcome to Mute Corp Keynes, Mr Kent.'

'Can I just go through now, please?'

The border guard leaned in at the car window. 'Listen,' said he. 'I'm being serious now. This isn't a good place to be. People go missing here. Lots of people. If you go missing we have no jurisdiction to come in searching for you.'

'Damn this,' said Derek. 'Things are really that bad here, then, are they?'

'They're worse,' said the border guard. 'They keep it out of the papers because it looks bad for the Government. Mr Doveston wouldn't look quite so good if the public knew about this place. It's like a black hole of crime. I'm not messing with you. Turn back now. Take the young lady far away from here. They're animals in there, there's no telling what they'd do to her. Well actually there is.'

'We're going back,' said Derek.

'We're not,' said Kelly.

'Don't be absurd. I'm not taking you in there.'

Tm not afraid.'

'Well I hate to admit it, but I am.'

'Then I'll go in alone.'

'Why?' asked Derek. 'You don't even know my aunty.'

'This is nothing to do with your aunty, Derek. This is something big. And if there is one little ounce of manhood inside you, you'll come in with me. I'll go in alone, if you don't.'

'It's your funeral,' said the border guard. 'If they ever find your body, that is.'

'Back,' said Derek.

'Forward,' said Kelly.

Forward apparently had it.

Derek drove slowly through the deserted streets.

'I can't believe this place,' he said. 'I mean this is South London. I know South London can be a bit rough, but this is over the top. Look at it, burnt-out shops, burnt-out cars, the only buildings standing are barred up like fortresses. This can't be real. It can't be.'

'There is something very very wrong about this place,' said Kelly.

'Yes, I can see that plainly enough.'

'But can you feel it?'

'I feel very very afraid. I really need the toilet, but I think I'll wait until I get home. If I get home at all.'

'Pull up here,' said Kelly.

'Here? Why here?'

'Because there's a stinger strung out across the road ahead, under all that debris. You don't really want to drive over it.'

'Oh God,' said Derek. 'I never noticed.'

'You -weren't intended to.'

'Let's turn around and get out of this asylum. Before some sniper picks us off or we drive into a minefield.'

'Where does your aunty live?' Kelly asked.

'I really can't imagine that she's living any more.'

'Well, just in case. Where does she live?'

Derek checked his London A-Z and noticed for the first time the slim red line that ran around the not-so-new town known as Mute Corp Keynes. 'Second on the left, just past the burnt-out church.'

'Next to the burnt-out pub?'

'No past that. Opposite the burnt-out Citizens Advice Bureau.'

'You'd better drive on the pavement to avoid the stinger.'

Derek drove on the pavement.

His aunty's house was number twenty-two. The bungalow with the gun turret on the roof. The moat, the razor wire and the sign that warned of killer canines on the loose at night. Unlike the yard of the Brentford Tour Company, this was no idle warning.

Kelly observed the martial premises. 'Your aunty seems to have adapted well to the changing of the times,' said she.

'She was always pretty tough,' said Derek. 'She was in the SAS, only woman to ever make it to major. There's a lot of military in my family. I think I've always been a bit of a disappointment to them.'

'I really can't imagine why,' said Kelly Anna Sirjan.

There was a bell push on the iron gate that led into the moated compound. The sign above said knock down ginger on this bell and know the joy a bullet brings.

'Perhaps you'd care to ring,' said Derek.

'We are being laser-scanned,' said Kelly. 'I've a securiscan meter in my shoulder bag, I can feel it vibrating.'

'What?' went Derek.

'You'd better press the button. She doesn't know me.'

'Securiscan meter in your shoulder bag? I don't understand.'

'Just push the button please. We are also being scanned from across the street. I think we are about to be shot at.'

'Oh God, oh damn, oh me oh my,' said Derek, pushing the bell button.

Kelly pushed Derek suddenly aside. The deathly rattle of machine-gun fire came swiftly to her ears. Bullets ripped along the ground. And there was an explosion.

'Oh God!' screamed Derek, covering his head. 'We're going to die! We're going to die!'

Smoke and explosions, machine-gun fire mayhem and approaching death with no salvation? Off into the blackness of forever. Not to be borne up to The Rapture. Derek cowered and shivered and uttered certain prayers.

The lock on the gate clicked open. Kelly's hand reached out to Derek.

'Come with me, if you want to live,' she said.