'A Klahd? I'm supposed to be impressed by a Klahd in a chair. What do you think, men?' He turned to the hulking brutes behind him. They laughed nastily. With Guido and Chumley behind me and Tananda lurking overhead in the attic, I was not worried about the muscle, but I did sense strong magik coming from the Vipe female at his elbow. Vipes, of sinuous body and narrow, black-eyed face, possessed deadly magikal talents. I didn't like the idea of tangling with one myself, but I was more concerned with the well-being of my host and hostess. Imps had no special protection against poison. This was magician number one. I hoped number two wasn't waiting in the wings. I was determined not to let the matter escalate. I rested my elbows on the chair arms and tented my fingers.
'I know why you have come,' I said, in my most impressive voice.
'Oh, you do, do you?'
'Little is hidden from Skeeve the Magnificent,' I declared.
'Such as your impending death?' Narwickius demanded.
'My death is far in the future,' I said, nodding as if bored. 'I do not fear you. You should fear me. My minions occupy this place, and it is protected by my magik. I have ...'
'I've got an army out there!' Narwickius roared, interrupting me. 'I know about your minions. You've got one Klahd, one Troll, and those two pathetic Imps. They cannot stand against my army!'
So he hadn't detected Tananda yet. Her skills as a trained thief and, regrettably, occasional assassin gave her the ability to hide herself. I was concerned that if the Vipe wizardess started probing by magik, Tanda might be found. I meant to have Narwickius expend as little energy on us as possible.
'You do not know what powers we wield,' I said. 'But no matter. Why are you here?'
'I'm here for the Hoho lug,' Narwickius said.
'But why do you want such a small thing?' I asked, gently.
'Because it's... I don't have to explain myself to you!'
'But I stand between you and your goal.'
'Do I have to tear you apart to get what I came for? Move aside! I have no time to waste on you!'
The size of the force he had brought along meant that we stood little chance of just persuading him to go away. Besides, an idea was beginning to form in my mind. I had to hope that Guido and Chumley would just go with me on it.
'I am not here to impede your desire,' I said, spreading out my hands.
'Stop wasting my time!' Narwickius bellowed. He blinked. 'What? Explain yourself, now! Hurry up!'
I smiled. My play was going to work. His impatience was better than any other weapon I could have used on him.
'Since our time is also valuable I will be brief,' I said. I gestured to Marmel and Marmilda, huddled together in the corner. 'The lady and gentleman here do not know where their father's legacy is. They do not want trouble, and they fear harm. I could enter into battle with you, but it could result in injury to innocents. I might not win, but I doubt that I will lose.'
'Well?' Narwickius asked, belligerently.
I smiled gently. I had him now.
'I offer you a bargain: if you can find this Hoho Jug, you can have it. Do you concur?' I asked Marmel and Marmilda. I had discussed it with them. If the only way to get rid of the threat was to give up their inheritance, they had said they would do it. Marmel had not been happy, but now that he had gotten a good look at the invading army, he had to see that discretion was the better part of valor. Besides, I saw a chance to get rid of the problem and perhaps still hold on to the Hoho Jug. If it was still there in the old man's room.
Narwickius snorted. That appeared to be his favorite way of expressing himself. I held myself imperiously. 'Okay. It's a deal. What's the catch?'
'No catch,' I said. 'You can look for it until you give up. If you find it, fine. If you don't, then it's not here, and you agree to leave these people alone for good. I will place you under no other geas.'
With that, I spread out my hands and caused the room to go dark for a moment. A brilliant fountain of light surrounded me and poured up to the ceiling in a fountain. It was cheesy magik, but it worked. Aahz always said a little pomp and pageantry went a long way. Narwickius looked dazed and impressed in spite of himself. He recovered quickly.
'What the Netherhells?' Narwickius said. 'I agree. You're on. Come on, men!'
He pushed past me and up the stairs. In a moment, we heard them rummaging around upstairs. Plenty of swearing floated down the stairs to our ears, along with swishing as they kicked their way through the piles of Triple-D maps. One of the Titan oafs stayed at the foot of the stairs. He faced us, arms crossed on his enormous chest. The Vipe wizardess curled herself onto one of the steps and stared at us with unblinking eyes.
'Now, what?' Marmel whispered.
'We wait,' I said. I retrieved the wine and took a sip. 'Very nice, Marmilda. Usually Imp wines are too sour for my taste. Is this from the Hoho Jug?'
'No,' the Imp woman said, frowning. 'I ran it through one of our best wolidgins. It translates everything, not just language. The wolidgin translated Imper wine into Klah-dish. You're Skeeve the Magnificent, and you don't know that?'
Behind her, my friends were grinning at me over her head.
'I don't know everything,' I said, feeling my cheeks redden. 'I just figure that I can find out anything, given enough time and resources.'
'But what about Narwickius?' Marmel said, casting a nervous glance at the Vipe wizardess, who eyed us unblinkingly from the foot of the stairs.
'We wait.' I repeated.
'How long?'
'As long as it takes,' I said, allowing myself an evil grin. 'You might as well make yourselves comfortable. I think it'll be a while.'
'I get it,' Guido said, with a grin. 'I thought we was headed for one serious throwdown, but this is a more discretionary form of handlin' the problem. If it works.'
'It should work,' I said. 'I hope.'
'What is all this junk?' Narwickius bellowed from above. 'Just toss that stuff out the window!' We heard a smack, as the casement overhead was thrown open, then a noise like falling snow. Outside the door, showers of paper fluttered down into the street. 'Cobrita! Get up here!'
The wizardess rose from her perch and slithered upward.
'It will be a while,' I said cheerfully. 'Anyone for a game of Dragon Poker?'
'Patience is a virtue.'
My employer didn't find it easy to endure the hours that followed.
'How can you sit and ... and play?' Marmel said, pacing around us like a dog on a short leash. 'How does that help get rid of him?' He tilted his head toward the stairs and the imperious guard who stood there staring at us.
'It would help if you could just calm down,' I said.
'But he could kill us all!'
'He won't,' I said. 'Not until he gets what he wants, anyhow. Then I think he will leave. He seems pretty goal-oriented. Three disks. Call.' I tossed in my bet.
'Elf-high flush,' Guido said, and spread out his cards. I moaned. With a chuckle he raked in the pot of glass disks, which had been supplied by Marmilda in lieu of coins. We had all agreed not to play for money. I am not and have never claimed to be a great cardplayer, but I enjoy the camaraderie of the game. In fact, I realized, as I
