threw my hand in in surrender, that I had missed my friends more than I realized. It was good to be back—only I wasn't back. This detente was temporary. We'd go back to our separate businesses when all this was over. I felt my heart sink into my belly. If only I had been able to find Aahz and ask him the best way to reintroduce myself to the business. I hoped the Duchess was all right. She was eccentric with a capital 'ECCENTRIC,' but she was Aahz's mother, and what hurt him hurt me.
'My deal,' Chumley growled, holding out an enormous purple hand for the deck.
'Nah, it's Tuesday. The dealin' reverses itself every seventh hand.'
'Wha? Okay.' For the sake of our company the Troll pretended to be confused about the rules. The look of puzzlement on his face was so convincing I nearly broke down and explained it to him. I stopped myself before I made a fool of myself again. He was generally the one who reminded us of the subtleties of Dragon Poker during our friendly games. It had been too long.
I felt eyes on my cards, and looked up. Marmel hovered at my elbow. The Imp wound his hands together nervously.
'Are you all right?' I asked. 'What if he comes down again?' Marmel asked. 'He won't,' I assured him. 'We made a deal. He's going to look. We'll wait.' 'Are you sure?'
'I am sure,' I said. 'I gave him my word.'
'Yeah, he's the Great Skeeve, remember?' Guido said. 'You gonna bid or just shop?'
'Uh, I'll bid,' I said. 'Three coins.'
'Yeah, Narwickius wouldn't dare do anything,' Marmel said. 'That's right. You're the most powerful wizard in the world, right?'
'Nah,' Guido said. 'Crunch, you in?'
'Fold,' the Troll growled.
'Raise,' Guido said.
'You're bluffing.'
'Call me and see,' the enforcer said, with a grin.
'Yeah,' Marmel said again. 'I shouldn't have anything to be afraid of. No!' He shouldered up to the Titan at the bottom of the stairs. 'You wouldn't have the GUTS to take on the Great Skeeve, would you? Big guy? Tough guy?' He punctuated every word with a poke of his bony pink forefinger. 'Huh? Huh?'
The Titan growled low in his throat.
'Marmel?' I called.
'Yeah, Skeeve?'
'Did you hire me to help you find your inheritance, or not?'
'That's exactly why I hired you!' Marmel said.
'Well, then, did you buy the insurance rider against grievous bodily harm? Because I don't remember signing up to fight Titan bodyguards when we discussed the contract.'
The Titan grinned down at him, silver-white teeth gleaming.
'Uh, no ...' Marmel said.
'Then maybe you ought to say 'excuse me' to the nice, big Titan and come over here before you have an accident?'
Marmel didn't need long to assess the situation. The forefinger retracted into his fist, and he backed away three steps. 'Sorry, Mr. Titan, sir.'
The bodyguard showed his big, square teeth. 'No problem, squirt. Boo!'
Marmel jumped. He scurried away from the staircase and cowered in the corner of the room farthest from it. I sighed and shuffled my hand facedown.
'I hope Tananda's all right,' I said, staring upward. She had not yet revealed herself, but I knew she was keeping an eye on things.
'She's fine,' Guido said. 'Watch the cards. Dis is a little trick I picked up on Taro.'
He sorted out the Dragon suit from the deck and spread it out on the table. With a wink at me, he waved his hand across them. We waited, as though we were in a seance hoping the ghost of our rich old aunt would communicate the location of her hidden cache of treasure. Suddenly, the deuce, the lowest-value Dragon card, twitched itself out of the pack. Guido pushed it back.
'She says 'bupkis,'' Guido confirmed, in a voice too low for the Titan nearest us to hear. 'They have failed thus far to find anythin'. Private signal. Works real good. Your deal, Skeeve.' He gathered up the cards and handed the deck to me.
I suppose we didn't really need the confirmation. Narwickius would have stopped throwing things out of the window if he had been successful. More objects hit the ground while we waited. Chairs, books, knickknacks of every description precipitated from above like an unusually heavy rain. Shattered glass filled the street.
'There go the souvenir shot glasses,' I observed, watching them tinkle to the pavement.
The littering had alarmed the residents of Sirecoose, but when a policeman came by to demand it stop, I invited him to go upstairs and reason with the army of Titans on the premises. At die mention of Titans he retreated, never to return.
Marmel had a hard time with the wait, but the rest of us allowed ourselves cautious enjoyment. Marmilda was a terrific hostess. She kept beverages coming, and at meal-times brought us food she had cooked herself, then carefully translated according to our dimension of origin. She served me a marvelous fish-and-potato pie, just like my mother used to make from troutpikes I caught in the brook on my father's farm.
'I gotta buy me one of dose wolidgins,' Guido said, patting his stomach with satisfaction. 'When I remember all the places I been where the food ain't really been to my taste, I could just run it in one end of dese and get a steak dinner out the other end.'
'We'd make you a very special price,' Marmel said, rubbing his hands together. 'I mean, what with the advertising value of being able to say the Great Skeeve uses our product. And his friends,' he added nervously, as Guido shot him a dirty look. I didn't miss it.
'Good,' Chumley said, carefully extracting a long orange tentacle from between two molars and placing it carefully in his dish. 'Food good.' He grinned at the two Imps, who backed up a pace. I thought by this time they would be used to him, but a Troll of his size can be daunting.
'Get them up here!' a voice roared from above.
'I think I see a break in the case,' I said, rising to my feet.
The Titans thundered down the stairs, single file and made for us. Two of them grabbed me by the shoulders, but I was ready for them.
'Ahhh!' They jumped backward. I grinned. That magikal shocker I had bought in the gag shop worked every time.
'Never lay hands upon the Great Skeeve,' I informed them haughtily. Guido and Chumley shook off their grasp, and the three of us made our way upstairs toward the bellowing Narwickius.
'What's the holdup?' Narwickius shouted. He came rushing out of the small bedroom, nearly barreling into me. 'Where is the Hoho Jug?'
'I told you, we have no knowledge of its whereabouts,' I said calmly. 'The owner passed away without informing his children. I have not seen it, nor have my colleagues. I gave you my word on that.'
'Aaggh!' Narwickius said, clutching at his hair. He had clearly been tearing out handfuls of it in frustration. I could see silver strands liberally scattered over the waist-high mounds of junk that literally filled the room.
The Vipe wizardess had been at work: gone were the Triple-D maps and the souvenir rock collection from Bezoar. The furniture had largely been reduced to boards and rags. As I watched, she pointed her poison green wand at a heap of brightly colored teddy bears. They vanished with a small explosion.
Boom!
'I found another hiding place, great master!' one of the Titans announced, holding up a small, cut-glass box. I sensed the magik in it. I'd seen its like before. 'No, wait!' I shouted.
Too late. The big, blue oaf flipped open the lid, and hundreds of spring-loaded snakes leaped into the air.
'Aargh!' Narwickius bellowed, batting at them. He lunged for me and grabbed me by the throat.
'Gack!' I choked, as I hung in the air.
'Where ... is ... it?' he demanded, shaking me at every syllable.
