read it. But, if a particular person has read it – as may be the case – I’m screwed. Because that person is also dead. So…’ She shrugged.
‘You’re shaking.’ He took her hands again. ‘You need a drink or something. You’re in shock.’
‘I…Billy…I’m looking at…it’s all over for me. I’m…’
‘Do you want to tell me what this file is, Ren? And who these people are?’
They sat in silence until Ren finally started to talk. ‘My psychiatrist, Helen Wheeler, disappeared the night of my last appointment with her. My swipe card was used to gain access to the crime scene the night before the body was found. The judge, Douglas Hammond, who wanted to access Helen’s patient files was murdered. And my doctored psych file is like one big finger pointed in my direction. And…there’s other stuff. None of it looks good.’
‘Who do you think is doing this?’
‘I don’t want to say. Until I have at least some proof.’
‘There is a way out of this, Ren. I know there is. We will work something out here. I’ll do what I can to help you.’
‘I’m worried that there’ll be more,’ said Ren. ‘I need to get a few steps ahead of everyone, so I can find out what the hell’s going on.’
‘It sounds like the first thing to do is to stop anyone getting access to these files.’
‘Which has been made very hard by the judge dying…And that’s not the only thing…’
She told him about Beau. Billy wrapped his arms around her and held her until she fell asleep. He carried her upstairs, put her to bed, kissed her forehead and slept in the bed beside hers.
31
Ren woke up, momentarily confused by the rumpled bed beside hers. She got dressed in jeans that hung from her hips, a gray sweater and pink socks and went downstairs. As she reached the hallway, she could hear Billy opening the refrigerator, then opening and shutting cupboards.
‘Unless you’re planning to bake a cake, I’d venture you’ll come up empty in this kitchen,’ said Ren.
‘But you cook,’ said Billy, turning around.
‘Not when (a) I’m too busy and (b) I’m falling apart. My appetite is gone.’
‘If I get supplies, will you eat something?’ said Billy. ‘Pancakes?’
‘Ooh. I don’t think I’ve ever said no to pancakes.’
‘OK.’ He went to walk past her.
‘Can I have a hug?’ said Ren.
He stopped. ‘Sure you can.’ He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight.
‘Thanks,’ said Ren, stepping back. She sat against the kitchen table. ‘Oh, Billy. I feel paralyzed by all this.’
‘Don’t worry. It will all work out.’
‘God, I really want it to. I want to be fast-forwarded to a time when this is all over. But you know when you try to fast-forward a DVD, only you hit the next episode button instead and suddenly you’re past the end and the screen is black…And there’s no more story?’
‘And then you hit the menu button and the little circle that says it’s not allowed. Or you end up in the extras, finding out more of the plot than you need to before you’ve seen it and then—’
Ren’s eyes narrowed.
‘Hey, I love how you explain things to me using everyday technological devices,’ said Billy.
‘Do I do that a lot?’
He nodded. ‘But don’t stop. Remember you described your reaction to something as “like the noise that Skype makes when it opens”? I loved that.’ He caught her expression. ‘OK, back to the DVD. Can you see the theme in all this?’
‘Yes,’ said Ren, eventually. ‘A loss of control. Being at the mercy of something else.’
Billy nodded.
‘But that’s just who I am,’ said Ren.
‘Which is fine. But…workable on…’
Ren said nothing.
‘I mean this in the nicest possible way, Ren, but you’re a little spoilt with the control thing. You have that power automatically with your job. And, let’s face it, you call the shots in relationships a lot.’
‘That sounds terrible.’
‘I don’t mean it to.’
‘And it’s not true.’
Billy paused. ‘OK…’
‘I don’t like that. I don’t want to be that way. Anyway, we’re getting sidetracked. None of this is about relationships. Someone is trying to fuck me up. And I’m here having distracting conversations with you. I am a pro at that, Billy. I am all-singing, all-dancing, all-dying inside. And I am close to losing my mind.’
‘You’re not going to lose your mind, Ren.’
‘Do you know something?’ she said. ‘Mazes freak me out. They always have. There was a maze near my home when I was a kid and in summer, lots of the other kids had their birthday parties at the park where it was at. And I would play sick. Every time. I would even play sick in the middle of the parties. Well, after the cake, at least…’
Billy smiled.
‘Mazes terrify me,’ said Ren. ‘And however many years on, they still do. And right now, I feel like I’m in one. Dropped right into the middle. Everywhere I turn, I’m hitting a wall and the walls are moving towards me and the ground is shifting under me and the sky is slowly coming down and the oxygen is being sucked out of the air.’
‘Well, you’re safe here. It’s a big house, but it’s fairly easy to navigate.’
Ren looked at him. ‘Can I ask you a question?’
‘Don’t tell me – you want me to pick you up a compass at the store.’
‘Nope,’ said Ren. ‘I would like to know…why did you sleep in the other bed last night? I’m not saying I wanted anything to happen…’
He smiled. ‘I wasn’t going to take advantage of a woman in distress.’
‘Aw.’
‘But also…I’m seeing someone.’
Something sank inside Ren.
‘Not long. Just two, three months. I’m not sure if it’s going anywhere, but she’s a very nice lady and I wouldn’t want to hurt her like that. Or you. Or me, for that matter.’
‘Well, she’s a very lucky lady.’
‘Edith.’
‘Beyond your powers of laughter suppression clearly.’ Billy smiled.
‘You have to admit, it’s a bummer of a name.’ Ren paused. ‘Like I can talk.’
‘Well, she doesn’t look like an Edith.’
Billy went to the store, came back and made breakfast. Ren managed to eat. They sat, talking, in the living room.
‘Hey, look at you,’ said Billy, pointing to the Bryce family photo. He walked over. ‘What a cutie.’
