A Cynic Look at Life

lower taste than love of money.

He who thinks that praise of mediocrity atones for disparagement of genius is like one who should plead robbery in excuse of theft.

The most disagreeable form of masculine hypocrisy is that which finds expression in pretended remorse for impossible gallantries.

Any one can say that which is new; any one that which is true. For that which is both new and true we must go duly accredited to the gods and await their pleasure.

The test of truth is Reason, not Faith; for to the court of Reason must be submitted even the claims of Faith.

'Whither goest thou?' said the angel. 'I know not.' 'And whence hast thou come?' 'I know not.' 'But who art thou?' 'I know not.' 'Then thou art Man. See that thou turn not back, but pass on to the place whence thou hast come.'

If Expediency and Righteousness are not father and son they are the most harmonious brothers that ever were seen.

Train the head, and the heart will take care of itself; a rascal is one who knows not how to think.

Do you to others as you would
That others do to you;
But see that you no service good
Would have from others that they could
Not rightly do.

Taunts are allowable in the case of an obstinate husband: balky horses may best be made to go by having their ears bitten.

Adam probably regarded Eve as the woman of his choice, and exacted a certain gratitude for the distinction of his preference.

A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

These are the prerogatives of genius: To know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

Although one love a dozen times, yet will the latest love seem the first. He who says he has loved twice has not loved once.

Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of agricultural implements, should prophesy an end to the tilling of the soil.

To parents only, death brings an inconsolable sorrow. When the young die and the old live, nature's machinery is working with the friction that we name grief.

Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.

Civilization is the child of human ignorance and conceit. If Man knew his insignificance in the scheme of things he would not think it worth while to rise from barbarity to enlightenment. But it is only through enlightenment that he can know.

Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.

The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say 'I' and 'me.' 'It will probably rain'-that is dogmatic. 'I think it will rain'-that is natural and modest. Montaigne is the most delightful of essayists because so great is his humility that he does not think it important that we see not Montaigne. He so forgets himself that he employs no artifice to make us forget him.

On fair foundations Theocrats unwise
Rear superstructures that offend the skies.
'Behold,' they cry, 'this pile so fair and tall!
Come dwell within it and be happy all.
But they alone inhabit it, and find,
Poor fools, 'tis but a prison for the mind.

If thou wilt not laugh at a rich man's wit thou art an anarchist, and if thou take not his word thou shalt take nothing that he hath. Make haste, therefore, to be civil to thy betters, and so prosper, for prosperity is the foundation of the state.

Death is not the end; there remains the litigation over the estate.

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

When Eve first saw her reflection in a pool, she sought Adam and accused him of infidelity.

'Why dost thou weep?' 'For the death of my wife. Alas! I shall never again see her!' 'Thy wife will never again see thee, yet she does not weep.'

What theology is to religion and jurisprudence to justice, etiquette is to civility.

'Who art thou that despite the piercing cold and thy robe's raggedness seemest to enjoy thyself?' 'Naught else is enjoyable-I am Contentment.' 'Ha! thine must be a magic shirt. Off with it! I shiver in my fine attire.' 'I have no shirt. Pass on, Success.'

Ignorance when inevitable is excusable. It may be harmless, even beneficial; but it is charming only to the unwise. To affect a spurious ignorance is to disclose a genuine.

Because you will not take by theft what you can have by cheating, think not yours is the only conscience in the world. Even he who permits you to cheat his neighbor will shrink from permitting you to cheat himself.

'God keep thee, stranger; what is thy name?' 'Wisdom. And thine?' 'Knowledge. How does it happen that we meet?' 'This is an intersection of our paths.' 'Will it ever be decreed that we travel always the same road?' 'We were well named if we knew.'

Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.

Convictions are variable; to be always consistent is to be sometimes dishonest.

The philosopher's profoundest conviction is that which he is most reluctant to express, lest he mislead.

When exchange of identities is possible, be careful; you may choose a person who is willing.

The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.

In the Parliament of Otumwee the Chancellor of the Exchequer proposed a tax on fools. 'The right honorable and generous gentleman,' said a member, 'forgets that we already have it in the poll tax.'

'Whose dead body is that?' 'Credulity's.' 'By whom was he slain?' 'Credulity.' 'Ah, suicide.' 'No, surfeit. He dined at the table of Science, and swallowed all that was set before him.'

Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.

Pray do not despise your delinquent debtor; his default is no proof of poverty.

Courage is the acceptance of the gambler's chance: a brave man bets against the game of the gods.

'Who art thou?' 'A philanthropist. And thou?' 'A pauper.' 'Away! you have nothing to relieve my needs.'

Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.