If thou wilt not laugh at a rich man's wit thou art an anarchist, and if thou take not his word thou shalt take nothing that he hath. Make haste, therefore, to be civil to thy betters, and so prosper, for prosperity is the foundation of the state.
Death is not the end; there remains the litigation over the estate.
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
When Eve first saw her reflection in a pool, she sought Adam and accused him of infidelity.
'Why dost thou weep?'
'For the death of my wife. Alas! I shall never again see her!'
'Thy wife will never again see thee, yet she does not weep.'
What theology is to religion and jurisprudence to justice, etiquette is to civility.
'Who art thou that despite the piercing cold and thy robe's raggedness seemest to enjoy thyself?'
'Naught else is enjoyable—I am Contentment.'
'Ha! thine must be a magic shirt. Off with it! I shiver in my fine attire.'
'I have no shirt. Pass on, Success.'
Ignorance when inevitable is excusable. It may be harmless, even beneficial; but it is charming only to the unwise. To affect a spurious ignorance is to disclose a genuine.
Because you will not take by theft what you can have by cheating, think not yours is the only conscience in the world. Even he who permits you to cheat his neighbor will shrink from permitting you to cheat himself.
'God keep thee, stranger; what is thy name?'
'Wisdom. And thine?'
'Knowledge. How does it happen that we meet?'
'This is an intersection of our paths.'
'Will it ever be decreed that we travel always the same road?'
'We were well named if we knew.'
Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.
Convictions are variable; to be always consistent is to be sometimes dishonest.
The philosopher's profoundest conviction is that which he is most reluctant to express, lest he mislead.
When exchange of identities is possible, be careful; you may choose a person who is willing.
The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.
In the Parliament of Otumwee the Chancellor of the Exchequer proposed a tax on fools.
'The right honorable and generous gentleman,' said a member, 'forgets that we already have it in the poll tax.'
'Whose dead body is that?'
'Credulity's.'
'By whom was he slain?'
'Credulity.'
'Ah, suicide.'
'No, surfeit. He dined at the table of Science, and swallowed all that was set before him.'
Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.
Pray do not despise your delinquent debtor; his default is no proof of poverty.
Courage is the acceptance of the gambler's chance: a brave man bets against the game of the gods.
'Who art thou?'
'A philanthropist. And thou?'
'A pauper.'
'Away! you have nothing to relieve my need.'
Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind; Age backward, for nothing is before.
