would be over then. And then she would be able to tell him the whole story. And somehow she’d make him understand.
In the meantime, she had one more night to cherish.
The next morning Cruz dropped her off at her apartment so she could get her car, and then they headed to district headquarters for a while. They needed to check out the license number of the truck Valdez was driving. They also needed to take the precaution of picking up some bulletproof vests.
When Madeline entered the building she made her way to Cruz’s desk. He was nowhere in sight, but Connor McLain was leaning against the edge of the desk, sipping from a mug of coffee.
She slowed at the sight of him. She knew how close Cruz and Connor were, but she’d never felt totally comfortable in the other man’s presence. Those light green eyes were too piercing, and when they were trained on her, as they were now, she felt stripped to the soul.
“Lieutenant McLain.” She acknowledged him carefully. “I don’t see Cruz. Is he around?”
He indicated the closed door of his office. “He had a visitor. I let them use my office for a few minutes.”
“Oh.” She looked pensively at the closed door he was indicating, then shrugged and turned back to him. “Did Cruz tell you what we found out last night?”
“A little.” He paused to drink some more coffee. “Sounds like it’ll all be going down in the next couple of days.”
“We think so.”
“I took a phone call for him yesterday from Lieutenant Niles,” he informed her. “He left a message that they didn’t match Cantoney’s prints to any found in Stover’s apartment.”
“Well, if things pan out the way we think they will,” she answered optimistically, “we should have the supplier anyway. And hopefully soon.”
Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Connor’s office door being opened. When her father stepped out, Madeline couldn’t have been more shocked.
“Madeline, dear, I don’t have time to talk right now, but I have taken care of the matter we discussed the other day. I’ll be calling you very soon.” Her father gave a slight wave and headed toward the exit.
It took long moments for the seemingly incongruous sight of her father at the headquarters to congeal into some sort of sense. And then, when comprehension dawned, it was accompanied by a feeling of impending doom. Without another word she walked away from Connor and toward his office. She had to literally force herself to step over the threshold.
The expression on Cruz’s face told her exactly what the two men had been talking about.
“Is it true?” His words, tight and direct, seemed to slice the air between them.
“Cruz…” she began helplessly.
“No.” His hand came up to stem whatever words she had been about to say. “Just answer me. Is… it… true?”
The waves of guilt threatened to completely engulf her. This was what she’d feared all along. That she would someday see this look on his face, see this coldness in his eyes, hear the distrust in his voice. Would it have been different if she’d told him herself when she’d been able? She would most certainly have explained it better than her father had. He’d undoubtedly come here for the sole purpose of wreaking havoc.
She’d never know the answer to her question now. And the knowledge that she’d most likely brought about this scene with her unwise outburst to her father didn’t make it any easier. For Geoffrey Casey had come here today only because she’d convinced him that the threat of Cruz in her life was a reality.
Madeline made herself face his implacable visage, steeling herself not to flinch at the look of betrayal in his eyes. “Yes,” she whispered hopelessly.
That one soft word seemed to rock him for an instant. That was the sum total of his reaction. He tossed her one of the vests he was holding, turned and started walking out the door.
She caught his arm as he went by her. “Cruz, wait.”
That dark gaze-the one that she could remember hot with passion, sharp with intent, soft with tenderness-now looked as though it could cut through ice. He looked at her, then pointedly at his arm. Reading his message as clearly as if it had been etched in stone, she dropped her hand. “Please, wait,” she said again, aware of the pleading note in her voice. “I can imagine what my father told you, but knowing him, I’m sure he got a twisted pleasure in breaking this news in the most hurtful way possible.”
“Well, I don’t know about that.” She flinched at the caustic note in his tone. “There’s something about truth that, no matter how painful, is easier to take than a lie.”
“I never lied to you,” she said in a low tone.
His eyebrows arched. “No? Maybe you didn’t, in your mind. Somehow it seems a bit devious to me to sleep with a man you’re working to convict, but then, that’s semantics for you. It’s not actually a lie, no, it’s more… hmm. What would you call it? A complete lack of morals, perhaps?”
“I didn’t choose this assignment. And you weren’t the only detective being investigated.”
His smile held a hint of cruelty, and absolutely no amusement. “Then you’ve been busier than I thought.”
Desperation tinged her tone. “Internal Affairs had reason to believe that one of the detectives assigned to the gun investigations was involved in the supply side. Each of them was assigned a partner from I.A.”
“How many of us?” he snapped.
“Five. All from different districts.”
“Well? Don’t keep me in suspense.” He laughed shortly. “Which one of us was it?”
She hesitated. “We don’t know,” she finally answered. “There hasn’t been any luck so far linking any of the detectives to the gun supply.”
“Great,” he said, giving her a hard stare. “That means I haven’t been cleared, either, have I?” When she didn’t answer, he repeated sharply, “Have I?”
Her eyes were clear when she looked into his. “It’s not you.”
He held her gaze. “How do you know?”
“I just do. I didn’t have anything that cleared you to my captain, but when he asked me, I told him what I thought. You’re not the one.” Encouraged by his silence, she continued tentatively, “It all got twisted up, Cruz. Trying to do my job, trying to keep my feelings for you separate from the investigation…”
“And we know just how deep those feelings ran,” he interjected sarcastically. “You’re a remarkable woman, you really are. Sleep with a man and dig up all the dirt you can on him at the same time. I’ll say one thing for you, lady, you blindsided me. I never suspected your little plan for a moment.”
“There was no plan. I fell in love with you!” she blurted out desperately. The words hung in the air, shocking both of them. She’d never admitted their truth, not even to herself. But she couldn’t deny the feeling. Nor could she have chosen a worse time to voice it.
His jaw clenched. “Cheap shot, Maddy. Do the words `too little, too late’ mean anything to you?”
“Don’t say that,” she whispered. “Let me explain. You don’t know how it was.”
“I think I can guess.” His twisted smile held no amusement. “Don’t forget, I’ve been screwed by Internal Affairs before. Although your methods were a bit more literal, the end result is the same.”
Chapter 16
Madeline didn’t know how long she remained in Connor’s office after Cruz slammed the door. His words hammered at her insides, and there was enough truth in them to make her whole body ache. How could she have let things go so far wrong? If she’d been able to tell him in her own time, in her own way, would things have been different? Or was it inevitable from the very beginning? She wearily acknowledged that it really didn’t matter now. To use Cruz’s words, the end result was the same. He’d walked out, and she’d lost him, just as she’d feared she would.
She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, to stem the tears she could feel pooling there. She didn’t know how she was going to get through this. The knowledge that she’d hurt Cruz was the worst kind of pain of all. Ordinarily she could push all unpleasantness aside and throw herself into her work. She gave a choked laugh. Since she worked with Cruz, that wouldn’t be a possibility.
