care. She only hoped it wasn't too angry with Nikanj. She had accepted the possibility that she might be punished somehow for her Tiej trip, but she had not intended to make trouble for Nikanj.
Once they were home, Kahguyaht took Nikanj into the mom she and Nikanj shared, leaving her in what she had come to think of as the dining room. Jdahya and Tediin were there, eating Oankali food this time, the products of plants that would have been deadly to her.
She sat down silently and after a while, Jdahya brought her nuts, fruit, and some Oankali food that had a vaguely meaty taste and texture, though it was actually a plant product.
'Just how much trouble am I in?' she asked as he handed her her dishes.
He smoothed his tentacles. 'Not so much, Lilith.'
She frowned. 'I got the impression Kahguyaht was angry.'
Now the smooth tentacles became irregular, raised knots. 'That was not exactly anger. It is concerned about Nikanj.'
'Because I went to Tiej?'
'No.' His lumps became larger, uglier. 'Because this is a hard time for it-and for you. Nikanj has left you for it to stumble over.'
''What?''
Tediin said something in rapid, incomprehensible Oankali, and Jdahya answered her. The two of them spoke together for a few minutes. Then Tediin spoke in English to Lilith.
'Kahguyaht must teach... same-sex child. You see?'
'And I'm part of the lesson,' Lilith answered bitterly.
'Nikanj or Kahguyaht,' Tediin said softly.
Lilith frowned, looked to Jdahya for an explanation.
'She means if you and Nikanj weren't supposed to be teaching each other, you would be learning from Kahguyaht.'
Lilith shuddered. 'Good god,' she whispered. And seconds later. 'Why couldn't it be you?'
'Ooloi generally handle the teaching of new species.'
'Why? If I have to be taught, I'd rather you did it.'
His head tentacles smoothed.
'You like him or Kahguyaht?' Tediin asked. Her unpracticed English, acquired just from hearing others speak was much better than Lilith's Oankali.
'No offense,' Lilith said, 'but I prefer Jdahya.'
'Good,' Tediin said, her own head smooth, though Lilith did not understand why. 'You like him or Nikanj?'
Lilith opened her mouth, then hesitated. Jdahya had left her completely to Nikanj for so long-deliberately, no doubt. And Nikanj. . . Nikanj was appealing-probably be-cause it was a child. It was no more responsible for the thing that was to happen to the remnants of humanity than she was. It was simply doing-or trying to do-what the adults around it said should be done. Fellow victim?
No, not a victim. Just a child, appealing in spite of itself. And she liked it in spite of herself.
'You see?' Tediin asked, smooth all over now.
'I see.' She took a deep breath. 'I see that everyone including Nikanj wants me to prefer Nikanj. Well you win. I do.' She turned to Jdahya. 'You people are manipulative as hell, aren't you?'
Jdahya concentrated on eating.
'Was I that much of a burden?' she asked him.
He did not answer.
'Will you help me to be less of a burden in one way, at least?'
He aimed some of his tentacles at her. 'What do you want?'
'Writing materials. Paper. Pencils or pens-whatever you've got.'
'No.'
There was no give behind the refusal. He was part of the family conspiracy to keep her ignorant-while trying as hard as they could to educate her. Insane.
She spread both hands before her, shaking her head. 'Why?'
'Ask Nikanj.'
'I have! It won't tell me.'
'Perhaps it will now. Have you finished eating?'
'I've had enough-in more ways than one.'
'Come on. I'll open the wall for you.'
She unfolded herself from her platform and followed him to the wall.
'Nikanj can help you remember without writing,' he told her as he touched the wall with several head
