You’re trying to change the rules again.”
“I don’t think I am,” she said quietly. “I just think that from now on, I’m following my own rules.”
“And what are your rules, Julia?” he said, with just a hint of sarcasm.
“There’s only one rule, so far,” she said. “I deserve to be loved.”
“I can give you almost anything,” he bit out, “but I can’t give you that.”
“Even though I know you love me?”
“You’re wrong, babe. I don’t love you.”
She struggled to catch her breath. He’d never denied it quite that harshly before. But she would get through this. “All right then. I guess that’s it.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing his neck in frustration. “But you made me angry. Look, I don’t want to hurt you. Ever. And that’s why…” He stopped.
“That’s why…what?” she asked finally.
“That’s why I’ll never tell you I love you.”
She sighed and prayed for patience. “Cameron, you’ve given me more than fifty thousand dollars worth of jewelry.”
“Exactly,” he said, as if he were praising a bright six-year-old. “Doesn’t that prove that I care about you? Haven’t I treated you well and given you things to remind you of our good times together? Can’t that be enough?”
“All those things are a sign that you love me,” she said pleasantly. “So you might as well just say it.”
“Look, I won’t do this,” he said, pacing the room. “You keep going over this same issue and it’s never going to turn out to your satisfaction.”
“You’re right, and that’s why I think we need to separate for a while.”
“No.” His fists bunched up and he gritted his teeth, seeming to struggle for the words that would stop her from making demands while also explaining why things had to be done his way. Finally, he composed himself enough to speak. “Look, I grew up in a bad place. My father was…”
“Your father?” she prompted after a moment.
“Was a jackass,” he said with force. “Violent. Mean. My mother suffered for it.”
She winced. “Did he hurt you?”
He laughed without humor. “Once in a while. Didn’t mean anything. Mostly he took his rage out on my mother. And that’s a fact I’m not exactly proud of.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t protect her, did I?”
“How old were you?”
He shrugged. “Six, seven. Doesn’t matter. I couldn’t stop him. But the worst part was that every time he hit her, he would yell that he was doing it because he loved her.”
Julia cringed as she finally saw the reason behind Cameron’s reluctance to admit love. “That’s awful.”
“He
“Oh, Cameron,” she said, and reached out to touch his shoulder in a move meant to comfort him.
He flinched. “No. Don’t.”
“But-”
“Don’t you get it?” He stepped back from her. “I have that same violent streak buried somewhere inside me. I know it’s there. So I’ll never give in. I’ll never love. Believe me, I’ve tried. It didn’t work. In fact, it ruined people’s lives. I’m a bad risk. Do you understand now?”
“But you’re not anything like your father,” she said gently.
“It’s not that simple.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Look, I know you want to hear the words, but I’ll never say them. And I’ll never feel them, either. I care about you, Julia, but I refuse to hurt you like my father hurt my mother. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”
Julia would never say it aloud, but she was already hurting. Bleeding. For him. “Do you remember our wedding night?”
He seemed taken aback by her non sequitur. “Of course.”
“I was so angry with you.”
He grimaced. “Yeah, I know. For good reason.”
“I stormed out and you spent the night on the couch, remember?” she persisted. “I think I hit you at one point.”
“You were pissed off.”
“But nothing happened.”
“Well, sure it did,” he said, looking at her as though she’d lost her mind. “The next night we had a great time. You don’t remember?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I remember that part. But I’m talking about when I was so angry. I was yelling at you, and I could tell you were angry, too. But you didn’t hit me back. And the same thing happened when I painted the kitchen. You were furious with me.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Why didn’t you hit me?” she persisted.
He frowned. “Look, you’re upset right now, but you’ve got to know that I would never hit you-”
“That’s right!” Her eyes lit up. “You would never hit me because you’re so
“No, that’s not why,” he muttered, walking away. “I’ll never hit you because I don’t love you.”
Julia was startled. But then she began to laugh.
“It’s true,” he said, then turned and pointed at her in warning. “Don’t push me, Julia.”
Still laughing, she walked right up to him and pushed his chest, hard. He didn’t budge. Julia shook her head and wrapped her arms around him, whispering, “I’m pushing you, Cameron, but you would still never hit me. I know you wouldn’t. It’s not in your makeup.”
Resting her head on his chest, she held him tightly and took a moment to mourn the traumatized young boy he used to be. And she felt herself falling more in love with the strong, generous man he was today. The stubborn, ox-headed man who refused to recognize love when it shoved him in the chest.
After a long moment, she lifted her head and gazed at him. “Do you remember when you asked me why I always baked cupcakes?”
“Yeah.”
“I told you that after my parents died, whenever it was my birthday, Cook would give me a cupcake to celebrate the occasion. What I didn’t say was that Cook told me it would be a waste of time and energy to bake an entire cake just for one little girl. So every year, I got that one cupcake.”
Her shoulders trembled at the memories and he tightened his hold on her.
“One sad little cupcake with one candle in the middle,” she said, and tried to laugh about it. “In my mind, cupcakes began to symbolize my life. And now I can see they symbolized my loneliness.”
“Oh, baby,” he murmured, and rubbed her back.
“Sometimes I would go into the kitchen and beg Cook to let me help with the baking, just to be near another human being in that big old drafty mansion. After a while, I discovered I was really good at baking.”
“You’re more than good at it.”
“Thanks,” she said. “I used to bring cupcakes to school sometimes and I saw how they made everyone feel better, especially myself. It was nurturing and fun to bake for other people and it kept some of the loneliness at bay.”
She stepped away from Cameron’s embrace and looked him in the eye. “It might’ve been a brilliant business decision to start a bakery that specialized in cupcakes, but now I’m thinking of changing my business plan.”
“Yeah?” he said, sounding almost afraid to ask what she had in mind.
“Yeah,” she said adamantly. “I’m not going to settle for cupcakes anymore. I want the whole damn cake.”
She told him she needed space to think about things, then packed her bags and Jake’s baby gear.
Cameron was beyond pissed off that she was leaving and taking Jake with her. “This is absurd, Julia. I don’t
