Bitterblue

cause them to break. But instead they looked into her face, with hope, almost; and looking back at them, finally she saw it, the truth hiding behind the numbness, at the back of the deadness, in all of their eyes.

'It wasn't your fault,' she said. 'It wasn't your fault, and now it's over. No more hurting people. Do you understand? No more hurting even one more soul.'

Tears were running down Rood's face. Holt came to her, dropping to his knees. He took her hand and began to weep. 'Holt,' she said, bending down to him. 'Holt, I forgive you.'

A breath went around the room, a silence that seemed to ask if it too was worthy of forgiveness. Bitterblue felt the question from all of them, and stood there, scrambling for the answer. She couldn't sentence every guilty man here to a term in prison and leave it at that, for that would change nothing about the truer problem in their hearts. She couldn't dismiss them from their work and send them away, because left to their own devices, they would probably continue to hurt people, and some of them would hurt themselves. No more of people hurting themselves, she thought. But nor can I keep them on and tell them to continue with their work—for I can't trust them.

She had thought of the queen as a person who shaped big things, like bringing literacy back to the city and castle. Like opening her High Court to claims for remuneration from across the entire kingdom. Housing the Council while they assisted the Estillans with the overthrow of an unjust king and dealing with whatever Katsa found at the other end of that tunnel. Deciding, when Ror came with his navy, how much of a navy Monsea needed, and how much it could afford.

But it is just as important, she thought, to thaw these men who were frozen by my father, and to stand at their sides through the pain of their healing.

How can I ever take care of so many men?

She said, 'We have a great deal of work to do, and undo. I'm going to divide you into teams and assign each team to one aspect of the task. Each team will include new people, Monseans, from outside this administration. You'll report to them, as they'll report to you, and you'll work with them closely. You understand that my reason for involving others is that I can't trust you,' she said, pausing, allowing that small, necessary arrow to hit each of them. They need me to trust them again, or they won't be able to be strong. 'But each of you has the opportunity now to regain my trust. I will not require any of you to revisit the abuses of King Leck. I'll leave that to others who weren't hurt by him so directly. I won't allow anyone to hold you responsible for, or plague you with, things you did then that you were compelled to do. I also forgive you, personally, for the crimes you've committed since,' she said. 'But—others may not, and those people have the same right to justice that you do. The time ahead is going to be messy and difficult,' she said. 'Do you understand that?'

Stricken faces looked back at her. Some of them nodded.

'I'll help each of you through it, however I can,' she said. 'If there are trials, I'll testify on your behalf, for I understand that few of you were at the top of this chain of command, and I understand that you were forced for years, some of you for decades, by my father, to be obedient. Perhaps some of you don't know now how to be anything but obedient. That's not your fault.

'One more thing,' she said. 'I've said that I won't make you revisit the time of King Leck, and I meant that. But there are people—lots of people—who see value in doing so. There are people who need to do so in order to recover. I don't begrudge you your own need to heal in your own way, but you will not interfere with other people's healing. I understand that what they do interferes with yours. I see the conundrum. But I will not tolerate any of you compounding Leck's crimes with more crimes. Anyone who continues with this suppression will lose every bit of my loyalty. Do you understand?'

Bitterblue looked into every face, waiting for an acknowledgment. How she'd worked with these men for so many years and never seen how much was in their faces was beyond her, and it shamed her; and now they were depending on her. It was in their eyes; and they didn't know that she was all talk, that the teams she talked about building had no foundation and no plan, nothing but her words. Her words were empty. She might as well have told them that they were all going to build a castle out of air.

Well. She had better start somewhere. Demonstrating trust was, perhaps, more important than actually feeling it. 'Holt,' she said.

'Yes, Lady Queen,' he said gruffly.

'Holt, look into my face,' she said. 'I have a job for you and any men in the Queen's Guard that you choose.'

This brought Holt's eyes to hers. 'I'll do anything, Lady Queen.'

Bitterblue nodded. 'There is a cave on the other side of Winter Bridge,' she said. 'Your niece knows how to find it. It's the lair of a thief known as Spook and her granddaughter, Gray, whom you may know as my servant Fox. Late tonight, when both Spook and Fox are inside, I want you to raid the cave, arrest them and their guards, and seize any items inside. Talk to Giddon,' she said, for Giddon was the man pegged to talk next to Saf. 'He has access to information about the cave. He may be able to tell you how it's guarded and where the entrances are.'

'Thank you, Lady Queen,' said Holt, tears streaming down his face. 'Thank you for trusting me with this.'

Then Bitterblue looked into the faces of her two remaining advisers, Rood and Darby, and knew that she was about to make things just a little bit worse for herself.

'Come upstairs with me,' she said to the two.

'SIT DOWN,' BITTERBLUE said.

Darby and Rood slumped into chairs like defeated men. Rood was still crying, Darby sweaty and shaking. They were grieving, as she was, and Bitterblue hated that she had to do this.

'I said below that I believed very few people were at the top of this chain of command,' she said. 'But both of you were, weren't you?'

Neither answered. Bitterblue was beginning to get a little tired of not being answered. 'You set it up from the beginning, didn't you? Forward-thinkingness actually meant suppression of the past. Danzhol, before I killed him, intimated that the town charters were intended to keep me from digging into the truth of what happened in my towns, and I laughed at him, but that's exactly what they were meant to do, isn't it? Push the past under the rug and pretend it's possible to make a fresh start. The blanket pardons for all crimes committed in Leck's time too. The lack of education in the schools, because it's easier to control what's known when people can't read. And, worst of all, the specific targeting of anyone working against you. Right?' she said. 'Gentlemen? Does that about cover it? Answer me,' she commanded sharply.

'Yes, Lady Queen,' Rood whispered. 'That, and flooding you with paper so that you'd stay in your tower and be too overwhelmed to be curious.'

Bitterblue stared at him in astonishment. 'You will tell me how it worked,' she said, 'and who else was involved besides the men downstairs. And you'll tell me if anyone else was in charge.'

'We were the ones in charge, Lady Queen,' Rood whispered again. 'Your four advisers. We passed down the orders. But others have been deeply involved.'

'Thiel and Runnemood were more culpable than we were,' said Darby. 'It was their idea. Lady Queen, you said you forgave us. You said you would testify on our behalves if there were trials, but now you're so angry.'

'Darby!' she cried in exasperation. 'Of course I'm angry! You lied to me and manipulated me! My own friends were singled out for killing! One is ill because you tried to burn her printing shop!'

'We did not want to hurt her, Lady Queen,' said Rood desperately. 'She was printing books and teaching people to read. She had papers and strange letter molds that frightened and confused us.'

'And so you set it all on fire? Is that part of your method too? Destroy anything you don't understand?'

Neither man spoke. Neither man seemed entirely present in his chair. 'Captain Smit?' she snapped. 'Am I likely ever to see him again?'

'He wanted to tell you the truth, Lady Queen,' Rood whispered. 'It was a great strain on him to lie to your face. Thiel thought he'd made himself too much of a liability, you see?'

'How could you be so careless with people?' she said, furious.

'It is easier than you might think, Lady Queen,' said Rood. 'It only requires a lack of thought, an avoidance of feeling, and the realization, when one does think or feel, that being careless with people is all one is good for.'

Thirty-five years. Bitterblue wasn't certain she'd ever be able to comprehend what it had been like for them.