‘Thanks, Sasha,’ I said.
The next name on my list was Kev. I was due to meet him later today in the shop where he worked. And now, after everything Sasha had told me, I really hoped there would be other people there too.
Chapter 14
The charity bookshop was definitely the coolest I’d ever seen. The shelves were hot pink and baby blue, and there was a table with boxes of records inside the door, all priced at one euro. There was a girl arranging a display of detective novels in the centre of the shop, trying to get a battered copy of
A young woman arrived at the counter with a stack of paperbacks, so I browsed the shelves for a few minutes, stopping at the memoirs. They were mainly ones of politicians and reality TV stars, but I spotted a PJ Harvey squashed in between two Hitler biographies. I made a mental note to buy it on the way out.
‘Hey,’ he said, and that’s when I realized he was standing right behind me.
‘Hey,’ I said, turning to face him. ‘I’m Jacki.’
‘Oh yeah… sorry, I’m Kevin. Although you probably already knew that.’
I nodded. ‘Can I talk to you for a few minutes?’
He opened the door that led to the back room. It was filled with books – all sorted into different piles. We sat down at the table and Kev pushed some stuff aside – price stickers and a pair of scissors.
‘Would you like tea?’ he said, pointing to the giant box of fair trade teabags over on the table.
‘Oh, no thanks,’ I said.
‘You sure?’
‘Yeah, I better get started.’
Kev was definitely the most on edge of all the people I’d talked to so far – he even rivalled Calum. He crossed his arms, uncrossed them, then crossed them again. I thought it best to just dive straight in, no point in tiptoeing about.
‘I heard there were twenty-five missed calls on Kayla’s phone from you the next morning,’ I told him. ‘Were you worried about her?’
‘I just wanted to apologize,’ he said. ‘I wanted to make things right. I should never have gone to her birthday party. But I just thought if I brought her that really nice present and told her how sorry I was then she’d forgive me and everything would be OK. I mean, you’ll do anything to make the hurt stop. I sat on my bed and just kept dialling her number until she picked up. I knew she would eventually because you can make somebody so angry that they will pick up just to shout at you. And I know it makes no sense, but even that little bit of contact eased the pain, just for a second. Even though she was screaming at me to leave her alone, when I hung up I was happier because I loved her so much that at that point I’d rather fight with her than talk to any other girl. I loved everything about her. But the night of the party though… she didn’t pick up.
‘Nobody told me she was seeing that other guy. You think your friends would tell you something like that, but nobody bothered to say it to me!’
Kev sounded pretty desperate – desperate enough to hurt Kayla? I wasn’t sure, but then again love does cloud your judgement – maybe he’d been too emotional to think straight.
‘So nobody told you about Luke?’ I said.
‘No. I walked in on them in her bedroom and I freaked out. I called her a slut and all this other horrible stuff, which I should never have done; we’d broken up – she was perfectly entitled to be with whoever she wanted. But, seeing the two of them on her bed, I just flipped. The next morning I woke up and remembered all the stuff I’d said, and I just needed to make it right. I was so afraid that I’d ruined any chance of us ever being friends again, and I couldn’t bear that, so I needed to fix it. But she wouldn’t answer her phone. I figured she was just mad, and if I called enough times then she’d eventually give in and pick up. But she didn’t.’
‘Did you crash the party?’ I’d thought nobody had been able to get past Barry.
‘No, I’d been invited… but when we broke up nobody expected me to actually come. But it’s not like she asked me to stay away or anything; I know I probably should have stayed at home, but I really thought she still loved me and that she was just angry. I wasn’t prepared for the indifference. She didn’t love me any more. I had a feeling Luke liked her. I saw them talking online all the time, but I didn’t think she liked him in that way.’
‘So you were stalking her?’
‘Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’ve never done it?’
I didn’t answer. I scanned the room, with its stacks of spineless books ready to be discarded. Kev crossed and uncrossed his arms again. Sitting with him was making me anxious.
‘I’d seen the way he looked at her,’ he said, narrowing his eyes. ‘The same way I did. I knew there was something going on, but I thought she was doing it to make me jealous, or to numb the pain. I didn’t think she was actually in love with him. He didn’t appreciate her. He wasn’t right for her. His friends are all crazy and into drugs and she’s just not like that. I don’t think he’s good enough for her.’
I was starting to feel really uncomfortable. Kev sounded so angry. But I had some more questions for him, so I had to stay.
‘What happened then?’ I said. ‘After you walked in on them.’
‘She told me to follow her and then led me into one of the other rooms and talked to me for a few minutes. I don’t remember what she said. All I remember is the indifference. In her voice, in her eyes. She didn’t love me any more. She was infatuated with him. I’d got it wrong. I’d convinced myself it was just because she was mad and she wanted to make me suffer. But as she talked I realized that it wasn’t because of that and she didn’t just want to hurt me. She really liked him and she’d probably really liked him for a while – and that hurt more than anything else.’
‘Did that make you angry?’ I asked. I couldn’t imagine him taking something like that very well.
‘No… I was upset. I didn’t even apologize for saying all those things. I was so upset that I just turned round and walked away, down the stairs and out the door and just kept walking.’
‘Where did you go?’ I asked. I’d read in his statement that he’d started walking, but wasn’t sure where he’d gone. I found that kind of unbelievable.
‘I don’t really want to say,’ he said, looking down at the table, gripping the handle of his cup, but not moving it.
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘It’s embarrassing,’ he said, clenching his hand tighter.
‘More embarrassing than ending up in jail?’
‘OK, fine,’ he said, looking at me. ‘Don’t tell anyone this… but I sat on the ground behind the sports hall and cried. A few of my mates were down at the school drinking, and I was going there to meet them, but on the way I just sort of collapsed. I didn’t take any notice of what was going on around me because my face was buried in my hands. Then I got up and met my friends and acted like everything was fine. Because that’s what you have to do – you just act like everything is OK.’
Chapter 15
George’s Street Arcade was pretty busy. Loads of people were browsing the stalls. I walked down the aisle filled with
I could see the fortune-teller sign up ahead, a painting of an old woman holding a crystal ball, with silver and
