out of my bag. Officially I wasn’t meant to show it to anybody, but I trusted Ger. During the past week I’d read its entire contents and now knew all the details of the case. But it wasn’t so much the details that mattered, it was the feelings I would get, the signs that Kayla would give me to help her move on. I was going to use my ability to see beyond the facts that the Gardai already knew.
‘This is the Kayla Edwards file,’ I said. ‘She went missing two years ago, on the night of her eighteenth birthday party. They’d like me to find out what happened to her.’
‘Has she contacted you?’ said Ger.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I dreamed about her last weekend. But that’s only the start of it – there are others too. A detective sergeant heard about what happened with Beth and he tracked me down a few weeks ago when I was gigging in Kilkenny. He wants me to help with Operation Trail, an investigation into the disappearance of a number of women over the last ten years. Kayla’s is the first case I’ll be working on.’ When I said it out loud it sounded inconceivable, like I was talking about somebody else’s life, but I knew that Ger would believe me.
‘That’s great!’ he said. ‘I could tell you were destined for something like this.’ He seemed genuinely happy for me, in fact he actually seemed impressed. It was such a relief not to have to worry about what he would think, not to have to watch what I was saying.
‘Do you have any advice for me?’ I asked. ‘Do you want to take a look at her file?’ I held the folder out to him. He stared at it for a moment, but didn’t take it.
‘You’re well able for this, Jacki,’ he said, turning his head and looking down at the mountain view. ‘I knew the first time I met you that you had a gift, one that was maybe even more powerful than mine.’
I doubted that. Ger was amazing. He’d been able to communicate with my dad, who’d died when I was younger. Ger had helped me when nobody else could. He’d told me something that only my dad could have known; I think it was my dad’s way of showing me that everything was going to be OK, that I had to stop denying what was happening to me and acknowledge what I was capable of. I hadn’t tried to talk to him like Ger did – it’s dangerous to communicate with spirits who are at rest – but last month, when I was in the grounds of Kilkenny Castle, I think he gave me another sign. It helped me decide to get involved with Operation Trail. I knew it was the right decision, but I really wanted Ger’s advice. I desperately wanted him to help me now, to give me even the tiniest bit of guidance on how to go forward with the case.
‘Is there anything you can tell me?’ I said. ‘There’s nobody else I can talk to about this kind of stuff.’
‘Did you read the book I gave you?’ he said. I’d almost forgotten about the small black book with its leather cover and gold lettering –
‘Not yet,’ I said.
‘You need to read that,’ he said. ‘Communicating with spirits is a dangerous business, even with the ones who don’t mean you any harm. It can be very draining; you should know how to protect yourself.’ Considering all the headaches and panic attacks and visions I’d had last year, I couldn’t have agreed more.
‘And as I said before,’ he continued, ‘you also have to protect yourself from the negative energies of people on this side, people who might not want the truth to be revealed.’
‘What do you mean by… negative energies?’
Ger looked serious. ‘Sometimes people direct harmful vibes at others, whether knowingly or not. If a person doesn’t want the truth to come out, then they might send negative energies your way. It’s called a psychic attack… You might never encounter one of these, but it’s better to be prepared. They can range from mild attacks that you may not even notice, to dangerous ones like the Difodi Curse – which is designed to kill and which can only be lifted by the person who performed it.’
I was starting to get scared. I think Ger noticed.
‘These are very rare though,’ he went on. ‘Because if any information about the curse is revealed, like the reason for its existence, the curser will also incur torturous pain. I don’t mean to frighten you, Jacki, but it’s good to be aware of these things. One way to protect yourself is to imagine a white light round you, shielding every part of your body. Other means of protection are described in the book – you should read it.’
‘I will,’ I said. ‘Every page.’
‘And it might be a good idea to ask for something that belonged to Kayla, a piece of jewellery perhaps, to keep with you. It will help you to connect with her.’
‘OK, cool,’ I said. ‘Is there anything else?’
Ger hesitated for a moment, but then looked straight at me. ‘This might sound pessimistic,’ he said, ‘but don’t trust everyone you meet through this kind of work. Remember that people will do anything to protect themselves, and to protect the ones they love. Always remember to take care of yourself first. Other than that, just use your ability. You are meant to do this, Jacki. Remember that, and you’ll be OK.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I really needed to hear that.’
‘You’ll do great,’ he said. ‘You can come up here any time; you know you’re more than welcome. But I’m certain that you’ll be able to do this by yourself – it’s why you were chosen.’
Before last summer, before any of this had happened, I never thought that our paths might be laid out for us, that what we are meant to do with our lives is already decided, and I suppose I still wasn’t entirely sure. After all, didn’t we also have a choice? But Ger had known this would happen, he’d seen what was in store for me. I wanted to help these women; if I’d been chosen to do this then I wouldn’t let them down. Ger and I sat in silence for a few more minutes, enjoying the magnificent view. I would have liked to stay longer.
‘I’d better get going. I’m heading to Dublin in an hour.’ I put the file back in my bag and stood up to leave.
‘Have a safe trip,’ said Ger with a smile and he stood up too.
‘Thanks so much for everything,’ I said, shaking his hand.
‘Best of luck, Jacki,’ he said. ‘But you won’t need it.’
‘How long are you going away for? Three months, is it?’ said Des when he saw the amount of stuff I’d just put into the boot of the car. ‘Are you sure it’s all going to fit in your gran’s house?’
‘Very funny,’ I replied, then turned my attention to trying to pack it all in. There was a slight problem – my music equipment practically took up all of the space. I tried to squeeze in my suitcase of clothes, but finally decided I’d have to put it on the back seat instead.
‘Where’s your mum?’ asked Des.
‘I think she’s in the bathroom,’ I said. ‘Morning sickness…’
‘I wish I could have it instead of her,’ he said, rushing into the house. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes Des and Mum were so disgustingly in love that it almost made me sick myself. I never thought I’d have a little brother or sister, not after my dad died. I’d found it difficult to accept Des and Mum’s relationship at first, but I was really happy for them now – at least when they weren’t being super cringey. Des is very nice and would do anything for Mum, and come to think of it, he does a lot for me too. One night I was playing a gig in Galway, but the hostel I was staying in was absolutely rank. I’d got the slot at the last minute, and it was around New Year so there was nowhere else available, at least not anywhere that I could afford. At 2 a.m. I just couldn’t stick it any more, and although I felt bad for waking him, I caved and rang Des. He drove the whole way to pick me up in the middle of the night. He’d jumped into the car the minute he got the call, and hadn’t even stopped to change out of his pyjamas (which was totally mortifying, especially when we went to the McDonald’s drive-thru on the way back, but I couldn’t really give out to him). Even after that experience, I still go gigging practically every weekend. Sometimes I wonder if it’ll be worth it, playing in all these random places, hardly ever getting paid, often singing to no more than a handful of people. But then I remember that I love singing and playing music – they’re my passions – and I’ve always wanted to make them my career. Although I did seem to be taking an entirely different direction at the moment – I never imagined I’d be working with the police. Maybe my other, more unusual skills would take over.
‘Jacki, Jacki!’ I could hear Colin shouting before I saw him.
‘Oh, I’m glad you’re still here.’ He ran up the driveway and bent over the car, trying to catch his breath.
‘You OK, Colin?’ I said, throwing my make-up bag in on top of my suitcase.
‘You know how you’re going up to Dublin, fighting crime and stuff – will you be back by Thursday?’
‘No, I don’t think so,’ I said, pushing the suitcase further in so that I could fit my laptop beside it.
‘Jacki, it’s my second date with James on Thursday. You know that second dates are make or break! I need you to help me prepare. I need to come over here beforehand and you need to tell me what to wear and what to say and how to -’
