– What do you mean, he owns you?
– Oh for God’s sake-
– Tell me. I mean it. I want to know.
A cop on a motorcycle shot past them, coming over a hillcrest from the opposite direction. Off the road, a spanking-new pickup sat parked outside a windowless hovel.
– I answered an ad for a singer, this casino in the capital? I came in, looked the place over. The lounge was packed on weekends. I thought, Wow, this could work out. I could make a name, build an audience, you know? Lonely and his chamacos, they worked security. I should have seen right there the thing was wrong. Nobody with real money, the kind of people who can change your life, none of them would come near a place where those fools hung out. Even the bigwigs in bed with the maras know better than to be seen with them. The owner of the place, he looked like he was on something, like he was sleepwalking. That should have tipped me off too.
– Meaning what?
– Meaning they’d taken the place away from him, Lonely and his crew. A protection racket, probably, taxing a piece each week, then little by little or all at once they just took over. Great places to launder money-casinos, nightclubs. I could feel something screwy but I wanted the job too bad. The owner, his name was Miguel, old man from Sonsonate, he was very sweet, very quiet. I thought he was being polite.
Then Lonely says he likes my voice. The crowds dug me, man: Friday, Saturday night? It was a scene, I loved it. So yeah, Lonely, he wants to help my career. He’ll get me a recording session, burn a CD, take it around to the radio stations. He’s not always a complete shit-bag, you know-he actually says this to me. I can be half nice, he says, when there’s something in it for me. I fell for it. Then he told me the other half of the bargain. There’s a cathouse half a block away, the customers who know about it buy chips from the casino cage then take them down, so the girls have to cash out at the casino to get paid. Harder to steal that way.
The terrain flattened out again and thirty yards beyond the next turn a sawhorse blocked the road, bearing a sign reading: PUESTO DE REGISTRO. Orange cones veered traffic to the berm, where a trio of uniformed cops waited.
The group didn’t look too motivated. Two sat off in the grass, smoking, watching the clouds cross the sky, while the third, a bucktoothed chavo with a scraggly fade, shirttail out, waved the car on desultorily, shotgun slung from his shoulder. Dress code must be lax out here in the sticks, Roque thought as he eased past the youth and his dead eyes. If all the checkpoints are like this, he thought, we’ll be home in three days. He didn’t even need to smile.
He drove on a ways, checking his rearview, see if the cops changed their minds.-So Lonely, this place, this brothel, in return for this recording gig-
Lupe cackled.-Recording gig. Yeah.
There was no way to win with this girl.-Okay, the promise of a gig, whatever. He forces you to work there. That’s how he owns you.
She turned to stare at the scraggy hills.-Yeah. He forced me.
Roque waited.-What are you saying?
– I knew I’d screwed up by then, screwed up bad. I couldn’t see a way out. Except maybe, if I got careless.
Roque was thunderstruck.-One of your johns?
– It didn’t matter who. Not to me. Not then.
– You could’ve gotten AIDS.
– But I didn’t. Lucky me. She glanced over her shoulder, eyes like small black marbles.
– Lonely found out.
– That was the first beating, the one I got right before you showed up in La Chacra. To punish me for being such a sloppy whore. He never did figure out what I was really up to. Not that it mattered. I wouldn’t get an abortion-children are a gift from God, no matter how they are conceived-so he decided to make a lesson out of me.
He wondered what the bruises were like where he couldn’t see.-You lost the baby.
– Who would wish a child on me where I’m going? God saw fit to show the little one some mercy. I thank Him.
Just what the world needs, Roque thought, a devout Catholic lounge singer.-This latest beating. What was that for?
Lupe laughed quietly, lowering her chin.-You really are a boy sometimes.
– Look-
– Because he can. Because he likes it. Remind me just how fucked I am.
Up ahead, he saw the sign, hoisted over an open roadside restaurant: CHALETE DE CHITA. He pulled into the sand parking lot and turned off the ignition but didn’t get out. A hint of rain still scented the wind but the clouds were high overhead, looking starchy and white, like dumplings. He wasn’t sure whether to be impressed with her courage or fault her for being so stubborn. Like I’m one to judge, he thought, or she’d listen regardless.
– Want to know what my uncle said, just as he was heading off with El Turco? He couldn’t have it on his conscience, watching you get handed over to whoever these people are up in Agua Prieta. That’s like him. He has the biggest heart in the world, a sad heart, a strong heart, but generous too. I know, whether or not it’s your own damn fault, he will do whatever he can to help you. Now I need to ask you, are you worth it? Look me in the eye, tell me, what can you offer him back for a sacrifice like that?
Her whole face turned to stone.-I didn’t ask for this.
– It’s the way he is.
– El Turco will never-
– Forget El Turco.
– They’ll find my mother, my brother.
– We have a few days. Call them, tell them to go, hide, stay with somebody. Ask the priest at their church, maybe. We can find some way to get them north, join you in the States.
– With what money?
– Forget the money for now. We’ll-
– Stop it! She grabbed her hair in her fists, eyes shut.-What is wrong with you? Is your uncle as much of a child as you are?
– Call me whatever names you like. But don’t mock my uncle.
– You think it’s only my family they’ll go after? You think they’ll leave yours alone? Not to mention you, your uncle. You think I can live with that? Assuming of course I have time to worry about such things before they kill me.
– Know why the world’s so fucked up? Nobody fights back. They get used to their misery. Sometimes they fall in love with it. Some shitbird like Lonely starts fucking with them? They bargain. They deny. They cave. And it’s always the assholes who get the power. The greedy, the small, the paranoid. They have the say-so. You go along or you suffer. Roque was reciting almost verbatim a rum-fueled tirade he’d received one night from Lalo, after a guitar lesson. Lalo, the great believer, the artist.-Doesn’t have to be that way. You can stand up.
– Be my guest. But not on my account.
– You don’t need to live afraid.
– What’s in this for you? Okay, your uncle’s got this nice-guy death wish, but what’s in it for you? You want to make me a star? You think I’m gonna like you? You think I’m gonna fuck your brains out?
He took the keys out of the ignition, opened his door.-I’m gonna get something cold to drink while we wait. You want something, let me know.
She reached across the car, grabbed his arm.-Stop being nice to me. Hear me? How fucking dare you. Her grip was fierce. Tears welled in her eyes.-Fuck you, understand? Don’t be nice to me. I know what you think, how you feel, what you want. I know you better than you know yourself. Stop
