I bit my lip, taking a long, slow breath. “So what do I do?”
“Do you still want Ren?”
I listened to my own heartbeat for a minute before answering. “Yes.”
“That’s one hot mess, Cal.” Ansel smiled at me. I almost snapped at him before I realized he was trying to lighten the mood.
“You sound like Mason,” I said, making a weak attempt at laughter.
“Well, he
Bryn took my hand. “Calla, Ren’s an alpha, but so is Shay. It makes sense that you’d be drawn to both of them. You and Ren have a lot of history, which has to make this even harder.”
“Is there an answer somewhere in there?” I forced myself to laugh, squeezing her fingers.
“She’s telling you there isn’t an answer,” Ansel said, smiling when Bryn blew him a kiss.
“There isn’t an answer?” I couldn’t figure out why they looked so happy. This was what they considered helping me? Then I remembered: they were still basking in puppy love. Why couldn’t I have puppy love? I only seemed to have “I can’t decide if I want to rip your throat out or kiss you” love. Ugh.
“There isn’t an answer yet,” Ansel continued. “Ren and Shay both love you. They both could be your mate.”
“That doesn’t mean they both will be your mate.” Bryn giggled. “I don’t think they’re that kinky… but you might be able to talk them into it.”
“Bryn!” I shoved her off the bench.
“Nice one.” Ansel doubled over laughing.
“I hate you guys,” I said, still mortified. “No wonder I don’t talk about my feelings.”
“You don’t hate us.” Bryn smiled. “You love us. And we love you.”
“We always will, Calla,” Ansel said. “We can’t tell you the answer because you’re the only one who can figure this out. You have to choose.”
“Though I’d try to hold off until this war sorts itself out,” Bryn said. “If Ren is fitting in with the Searchers, we can’t afford to lose him. And Shay-well, if he leaves, the war is over before it starts.”
“I know,” I said. I guessed I was stuck in the same place as I’d been since Shay first appeared in my life, caught between two loves, two destinies. And it didn’t look like I’d be getting out of this fix for a while.
“But we’ll be here for you,” Bryn continued. “We love you no matter what you decide.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“Those guys can duke it out forever,” Ansel said. “But you’re our one and only, Cal. You’re the alpha.”
This time I couldn’t stop it. Tears snuck out of the corner of my eyes.
“Hey, look.” Ansel smiled. “She really does have feelings!”
“Shut up.” I laughed, brushing the streaks of salt water off my cheeks. “And thanks.”
“No problem.” He stood up. He was still smiling, but his gaze had a hard edge. I was still puzzling over his expression when I heard Tess shout.
“Who’s thirsty?” She waved, beckoning to us and pointing toward a wrought-iron gazebo.
“That doesn’t look like lemonade,” Bryn said. “That looks like a picnic.”
“Tess rocks.” Ansel ran toward the promise of lunch, forsaking us for the good of his stomach.
Bryn put her arm around my waist. “He’s really getting better. I think it’s going to be okay.”
“Good,” I said, leaning my head on her shoulder.
For the first time in a long, long while my heart unclenched, my muscles relaxed. I didn’t know where love would lead me, but my pack would always be at my side. More than anything else, that was what mattered.
PART II
WATER
NINE
PLANS FOR RETRIEVING Eydis-the water hilt-were already in motion. The Roving Academy’s halls were buzzing with excitement. Even the threads in the walls seemed to sparkle a bit brighter, as if lit with hope after our successful retrieval of the first sword.
“Eydis is in the Yucatan.” Ren was walking beside me after dinner. “They’re setting up our staging ground with the Eydis Guide-her name is Inez. The hideout is in Tulum. Anika thinks we all need a good night’s sleep before making the next strike. So we’re leaving tomorrow afternoon.”
“Not the morning?” I asked.
He shook his head. “She said something about the tides not being right. I didn’t quite follow.”
“So I guess you’ve become the Guardian point person for the Searchers,” I said. “Nice work, alpha.”
“Thanks.” He smiled, but caught me with a sidelong glance. “That okay with you?”
“It’s who you are,” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. “And the more Searchers that trust us, the better.”
“Agreed.”
In the space of hours we’d been back, I’d already noticed the change rippling through the Academy. Prior to the strike on Tordis most Searchers had eyed me with curiosity at best, outrage at worst. Now that outrage had become curiosity while the curiosity had grown into outright admiration. A few Searchers had even stopped me in the hall to thank me for joining them. I was a little thrown by all of it.
Ren stopped walking; I frowned at him and then realized we were standing in front of my door.
“This is you,” he said in a tight voice. I wondered how he knew where my room was. Had he just noted my lingering scent at this spot, or had he taken the time to find out where I was staying?
“Sleep, huh?” I avoided his gaze. “Well, I’m exhausted, so I’ll be happy to follow Anika’s orders.”
“Calla, I have to ask you something.”
My heart started to climb up my throat. I forced myself to look at him. “Yeah?”
He fixed me with a hard stare. “Let me come.”
“What?” I managed to choke out only that word. Come where? In the room? To sleep with me? My hands began to shake.
“Tomorrow,” he said. “Anika’s mission only has one team and she told me you’re leading it because you’re the one Shay trusts.”
“Oh!” I laughed as my stomach stopped flipping. “I guess…”
“What?” He looked puzzled when I hesitated.
It was my turn to stare him down. “I need to know if I can trust you.”
He leaned against my door. I couldn’t tell if he was hurt or angry. Or both.
“You don’t trust me.”
“With Shay,” I finished.
His jaw clenched, but he didn’t speak.
“Shay is the Scion.” I kept my voice steady. “He’s the central part of the mission. If he gets in trouble, I need to be sure…”
He pushed himself off the door, glaring at me. “You think I would intentionally let Shay get hurt? Or that I might hurt him myself?”
“You’ve threatened him before.” I could barely stop myself from shouting. When it came to Shay, all my defensive instincts kicked in with a fury. “More times than I can count!”
“That’s different, Calla.” His voice was growing louder too, gaining a few glances from Searchers passing in the hall. “That’s here. That’s about us. War has different rules. I would never-”
