my heart, to pursue forbidden love, but neither Shay nor I had a choice now.
“I’m sorry,” I said at last, leaning my head against his neck. “But we have to do this.”
“I know,” he said. He cupped my chin in his hand and kissed me.
“Anika?” Tess was standing beside a woman wearing a deeply cowled blue robe that shimmered like the surface of the sea when she bowed to the Arrow. A throng of curious Searchers and Guardians, some in wolf form, others human, had filled the library, pressing in on us.
Anika extended her hand to the Elixir. “Thank you for coming, Miriam.”
As Sabine and Ansel made their way toward the Elixir, I slipped through the crowd until I reached Shay.
When I touched his arm, he gave me a thin smile, quickly looking back toward the activity nearby. “Quite the sacrifice Sabine’s making.”
“It is,” I said. “I think she’s right. She’ll be happier this way.”
“Happier,” he said quietly.
“How are you?” I asked.
“I really don’t know,” he said. “I can’t decide what to feel-maybe that’s for the best.”
Then he looked at me again, this time holding my gaze. “How about you?”
“I’m afraid.” I took his hand. I’d never said that before. But it was the truth. I was about to lose Shay and I was terrified. “If we had any choice…”
“I know.” He leaned in to kiss me. “I know, Calla. You don’t have to apologize. I don’t want you to.”
He wrapped me in his arms as we watched Miriam instruct Ansel and Sabine to join hands. The Elixir rested the tips of her fingers against each of their temples. She began to murmur. A quiet but rapid river of sound flowed from her lips.
Sabine gasped. Ethan moved toward her, but Connor pushed him back.
“You have to let her do this alone,” Connor said.
Ethan gritted his teeth, paling as Sabine’s gasp became a scream. Ansel was breathing hard, but he didn’t seem to be in pain the way Sabine was. Sabine screamed again, dropping to her knees. In the same moment Ansel cried out, but his cry became a howl. Where a boy had been standing a minute before, a young wolf now shook its muzzle.
“It is done.” Miriam bowed to Anika.
“Sabine!” Ethan shoved his way past curious onlookers to reach her. She was still on her knees, her body trembling.
She put her hand up. “I’m okay. I’ll be okay.” But she didn’t resist as he picked her up, cradling her in his arms.
A bronze-furred wolf bolted from among the Searchers, barreling into Ansel. Bryn yipped and jumped around him, pawing at him and licking his muzzle. Two more wolves jumped through the crowd. Nev and Mason gave playful nips and barked as they circled Ansel. The huddled group soon looked only like a blur of wagging tails.
“You should go to them,” Shay said. “You’re their alpha.”
I turned in his arms. “So are you.”
“Not anymore.” His smile was broken as he shook his head. “If I ever really was.”
“Shay-”
“Just go.” He pulled away from me, disappearing into the crowd of Searchers behind us.
Resigning myself to our suddenly diverging paths, I shifted forms and ran to join my packmates.
When Nev suddenly whimpered, I pivoted and saw Sabine standing nearby. She was still leaning against Ethan, watching us.
Ansel shifted into human form and went to her.
“Feel good?” She smiled and it almost reached her eyes.
He nodded. “Are you okay?”
“I will be,” she said.
Ansel shyly stretched his arms out toward her. She laughed and fell into the hug.
“Thank you.” He squeezed her tight. “I owe you everything.”
“Make Bryn happy,” Sabine said. “I kind of like her.”
Ansel smiled, but then gave a stern look at Ethan. “Speaking of that, if I ever hear you’ve broken her heart, I will hunt you down.”
Ethan grinned. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Anika appeared beside us and my joyful mood drained away. Shay stood next to her, his eyes resolved.
“It’s time.”
I took Shay’s hand as we walked to the fireplace.
My father fell into step beside me.
“I’m taking the pack outside,” he said. “I don’t think we should be confined when the transformation happens.”
I nodded.
“I understand if you want to stay closer.” He glanced at Shay. “But don’t wait too long.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to leave before it’s over?” Shay asked as my father shifted forms and loped to the crumbled wall. The other wolves began to trail after him, congregating on the snowy grounds outside Rowan Estate.
“I won’t leave,” I said. “But I’ll have to keep my distance. Wolves who feel cornered are dangerous. If I stay inside-”
He cut me off. “I understand.”
Nev, Mason, Bryn, and Ansel loped across the room, shifting into human form beside Shay.
“You should go with my father,” I said. “It isn’t safe for us to stay here.”
“Sure,” Mason said, sliding his arm around Shay. “But did you think we’d leave without saying good-bye?”
“For now,” Ansel mumbled, staring at the floor. “Good-bye for now.”
“We’re pulling for you, man.” Nev clasped Shay’s hand. “Team Wolf!”
Shay managed a smile. “Thanks.”
“No matter what happens, take care of yourself.” Mason pulled Shay into a hug.
“I will,” Shay said.
Nev gave Shay a quick nod before he and Mason shifted back into wolf form, leaving us with Bryn and Ansel.
Bryn couldn’t manage to say anything. She kept looking at me and at Shay, sniffling and wiping her eyes. She tried to get words out but couldn’t catch her breath between sobs. Finally she threw up her hands, grabbed Shay, and kissed him on the cheek. Then she shifted into a bronze wolf and bolted away from us.
Ansel’s hands were shoved in his pockets. He kicked the floor, shaking his head.
“You deserve to be with the pack more than I do.”
“Don’t be an ass.” Shay pulled Ansel into a hug. “You’re right where you should be.”
Ansel gripped Shay tight, murmuring something too low for me to hear. Shay gave him a weak smile.
“I’ll see you soon,” Ansel said to me. And then he was bounding away from us.
Shay was watching me closely. I raised my eyebrow at the strange expression etched on his face. He looked like he was trying not to laugh.
“What did he say to you?”
“He said I couldn’t stay with the Searchers.” Shay grinned. “Because I’m the only one who can keep you from picking on him.”
“I do not pick on him,” I said, returning his smile. “Unless he deserves it.”
“Shay!” Anika called to us from in front of the fireplace.
“I guess I can’t put this off any longer.” Shay began to turn away.
I grasped his arm, pulling him back. I stretched my arms around his neck, molding my body against his. When I
