Private Pleasures

her own voice.

His heart thundered violently beneath the palm she rested on his chest. 'I do love you,' he said gruffly.

She shook her head, not comprehending how he could love her, offer her a ring, but stop short of fulfilling that commitment. 'And the ring?'

He pulled his arm from around her, withdrawing physically as well as emotionally, and sat up on the edge of the bed, his back to her. 'It's not a bridal set,' he pointed out tightly. 'I made sure of that.'

She shivered, and grabbed for the quilt. She felt cold. The kind of chill that settled deep and clung to your bones. 'A 'bridal set' is anything you deem it to be,' she said, swallowing back burning tears. 'I'd proudly wear a ring from a Cracker Jack box to be your wife, Grey. If this ring you gave me isn't meant to be a wedding ring, then what would you call it?'

He wouldn't look at her. Silence filled the room, and the longer it stretched between them, the angrier Mariah became. She wanted to hit him, hard. Wanted to rail at him for making her believe that they could have a secure future together. Their relationship had seemed so hopeful after their week together. She'd been hopeful.

And so very wrong.

Her nerves snapped. 'Dammit, Grey, answer me. You owe me at least that much.'

His head whirled around and he glared at her, but there was pain in his gaze, too. And fear. 'Why are you making this more complicated than it has to be?'

She lifted her chin, unwilling to back down on what she believed in. Marriage. A forever kind of commitment. Them. 'Answer me. Why did you give me this ring?'

'It's the ultimate expression of how I feel about you.' He hesitated. When she didn't respond, just waited for more of an answer, he took a deep breath and continued. 'I love you. Right now, at this moment, I can't imagine anyone else in my life-'

'But that's subject to change?' she interrupted bitterly.

'Yes, I mean, no!' He jumped up and rounded the bed with a fierce curse. Grabbing the first thing he found, his sweatpants, he yanked them on. 'Dammit, Mariah, that's not what I said. Quit putting words in my mouth,' he said heatedly. 'You know how I feel about marriage, and that hasn't changed. I doubt it ever will.'

A strangled sound escaped her. Oh, God. Her heart was breaking, and she feared it would never mend. A horrifying sense of deja vu wrapped around her. They'd had a similar conversation a few months ago when he'd asked her to live with him.

Despite all her efforts the past week, nothing had changed. Grey hadn't changed.

Get up and walk out, her mind urged, but her heart demanded more answers. Numbly, she slipped from the bed and started putting on the clothes she'd left out to wear home tomorrow. 'What makes you think my feelings about marriage have changed?'

A deep frown creased his brows. 'I thought we'd come to an understanding about our relationship.'

Her brittle laughter masked the devastation tearing her apart inside. Apparently they'd come to vastly different conclusions about where their relationship was heading and where it would end. 'Funny, I thought you knew I wouldn't settle for less than marriage.' She'd believed they were working toward a common goal-to spend the rest of their lives together.

'And after everything I shared with you, about my parents, my mother and my childhood, I thought you understood my views on marriage.' He dragged his fingers roughly through his hair. 'I never led you to believe differently.'

Her mouth opened, then snapped shut. He was absolutely right. The only comment she could use to refute his point was that she'd hoped she could show him how good a relationship could be between a husband and wife, and change his mind. Apparently he didn't care how wonderful a marriage could be.

She buttoned the front of her light cotton dress, realizing in that moment that they'd both secretly hoped to sway the other to their way of thinking. And when it came right down to it, neither of them was willing to surrender their beliefs for the other.

'I guess I'd hoped you'd see how special what we have is,' she said, her voice quiet.

'I do see how special what we have is,' he said impatiently.

'But it's not special enough for you to marry me.'

His jaw clenched hard. 'I never said that.'

'Not in so many words, but you might as well have, because that's what this discussion comes down to.' She pulled in a big breath of air, needing the oxygen to go on. 'You want me to wear your ring, but you don't want any of the responsibilities or the ultimate commitment that goes with it.'

He turned away, walking to the window that faced the lake, which shimmered with the reflection of the rising moon. 'I knew buying you that ring wasn't a good idea,' he muttered in disgust.

'Then why did you?' she asked boldly.

'I told you why.' He glanced over his shoulder, pinning her with his gaze. 'I love you, Mariah.'

Why isn't that enough? The unspoken question hung between them. Because I want a husband who will cherish me, and I want children to love. I want one special man to spend the rest of my life with, not the insecurity of wondering when the magic was going to end- and be left: with nothing more than the ashes of memories. I want to make memories, and pass them on to our family.

But she didn't think Grey would understand her dreams. 'So, essentially, you want me to live with you, sleep in your bed, wash your underwear and wear a ring that tells any man who looks at my ring finger that I'm taken, but at any given moment you could decide that you're no longer in love and that living with a woman cramps your style?'

Irritation flashed in his gaze. 'You make it sound like some kind of impersonal arrangement.'

'It might as well be.' She twisted the ring off her finger, feeling like she was physically severing herself from him, and set it on the nightstand next to his wallet. 'This ring means nothing.'

He looked from the ruby-and-diamond band to her, trying his best to conceal his hurt expression, and failing. 'It means everything to me.'

Unfortunately, their 'everythings' differed dramatically. 'Not to me. Not without marriage.'

'I have no intention of getting married. Ever,' he said succinctly, and not without a little hostility. 'Why can't we just enjoy what we have for as long as it lasts?'

'Because I want it to last forever.'

He sliced a hand impatiently through the air. 'A piece of paper declaring us husband and wife hardly guarantees happily ever after.'

'No, it doesn't. It's up to you and I to work together to make our life happy.' She came around the bed toward him. Ludicrous as it seemed, she wanted to be near him for what precious moments were left of their unraveling relationship. 'There are no guarantees in life, Grey. Maybe we'll divorce or, God forbid, maybe one of us will die tomorrow.'

'And there's no guarantee that love will last,' he argued.

'You're absolutely right.' She stood in front of him, resisting the impulse to reach out and touch his tense body. 'I know you've seen the worst of marriages and relationships, but I've seen some of the best. You can't let the horrible way your father treated you and your mother's obsession about being loved influence your life and the chance to be happy with one special woman.'

He said nothing, just stared at her, his eyes darkening with a despair that made her heart ache.

'People stay in love, Grey, as long as the couple continually works at it,' she went on, a desperate part of her hoping she still had a chance in heaven of influencing him. 'Love is fragile. For it to grow, it has to be nurtured and never taken for granted. People grow apart and divorce because they stop caring about each other, their family and the commitment they've made.'

A mocking smile curled the corner of his mouth. 'What makes you so sure that won't happen to us?'

His cynicism cut deeply. 'I'm not sure, but as long as we communicate and respect one another, I think we could be really good together. You're my best friend, and I'd do whatever I could to make