Private Pleasures

nothing to talk about.'

He begged to differ. 'Why didn't you tell me about the baby when you found out you were pregnant?' he asked with more calm than he felt.

'Because you were better off not knowing,' she said bluntly.

He flinched as if she'd physically slapped him. What kind of monster did she think he was-to think he didn't care about her welfare? 'Since I'm the father, I have a responsibility to that child.'

'A responsibility you've made more than clear you don't want,' she argued heatedly.

His jaw clenched in aggravation. 'But mine nonetheless.'

'I don't want or expect anything from you. I'm fully prepared to raise this child on my own.' She laid a possessive hand over the swell of her belly, a protective instinct as old as time. 'I don't want this baby to be some great, noble sacrifice for you. An obligation. I deserve better than that, and so does your child.'

Her words felt like a double punch to the stomach. Oh, Lord, she was right. She did deserve better, so much better. And so did their child. The thought made his heart twist peculiarly. But the irrefutable truth was, the baby she carried was better off not having him as a father. He knew nothing but the worst about raising a child and being a dad, and he didn't think there was a sufficient manual on the how-to's of fatherhood for him, either.

A strange sense of despair wrapped around him. Fear clashed with regret, and added to the muddled mess was the deep longing of the confused, mistreated youth he'd been.

But he was a grown man, shaped by his childhood and educated through the school of hard knocks; his teacher a cruel, bitter man who'd taught his son humiliation and the worst kind of degradation.

He gulped in a breath. There was one last selfless act he could do for his child. It killed him to turn and walk away, made a part of his soul shrivel and die, but he did just that.

There was no way he would ever subject a child to the kind of hell he'd been through.

Chapter Eleven

Grey glanced at his watch as he cut through the courtyard located in the center of the Wilshire Plaza, and picked up his step. He was nearly half an hour late for the final fitting appointment with his tailor for the custom- made suits he'd ordered.

His entire life had become a blur since seeing Mariah again. He went through the motions of work and everyday life, but his brain was in a fog, unable to remember something as simple as an appointment or a business meeting. Thank God he had Jeanie to prod his memory and keep him from totally sinking into the depths of his misery.

A baby. They were going to have a baby, or rather, according to Mariah, she was going to have the baby. On her own. Without his help or input. She'd made it clear that she neither expected, nor wanted, anything from him.

And so, without a fight, he'd walked away from Mariah and their child, and had spent every day since convincing himself he'd done the right thing. Both mother and child deserved better than what he could offer them, like emotional stability and a secure family environment filled with happiness and love. How could he give either when all he'd ever experienced was hostility, resentment and neglect? The fear of failing as a husband and father was always at the surface, rearing its ugly head, taunting him with powerful, ugly memories he had no defense against.

So why couldn't he shake the awful feeling that he was making the biggest mistake of his life?

Pushing that haunting question from his mind because he had no logical answer, he rounded a large fountain in the center of the courtyard and focused on the men's department store within sight.

He heard a whimper and a gulping sob, and automatically glanced around the area for the distraught sound while still keeping up his clipped pace. The courtyard was bordered with benches for weary shoppers to rest, and planter boxes with lush green foliage sectioned off individual alcoves. It was early afternoon on a weekday, and there was a sparse number of shoppers around the plaza. In fact, he didn't see anyone in the courtyard.

The pitiful whimpering sobs reached him again, the sound soft, but unmistakable. Frowning, he slowed his steps and glanced in the alcoves as he passed them. When he found the source of the distressing noise, he stopped, but made no move to advance toward the little girl huddled into the corner between the bench and planter box. When she saw him, she pulled her legs up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her knees. She watched him warily, fearfully, as silent tears streamed down her smooth cheeks.

She was a little thing, he thought, with honey brown hair that shimmered to her shoulders and big, watery blue eyes that grabbed at something deep inside him. Judging by her small size, he estimated her age between four and six.

She was obviously lost and scared. At the moment, he could relate. It was akin to how he felt-out of his element and antsy to be on his way.

But as uncomfortable as the situation made him feel, he couldn't walk away and leave the little girl, hoping that whoever she belonged to eventually found her.

He took a tentative step toward the little girl. She shrank from him, her whole body trembling. Her whimpers increased, and his stomach twisted with dread. God, was he that threatening? He supposed to someone a third his size he'd seem like a giant. Or did children have a sixth sense about people who weren't adept with kids?

The thought was disturbing.

Shoving his hands into his slacks' pockets, he glanced around for help, but they were alone. Not a frantic mother in sight, or even a person of the female persuasion who'd know how to handle such a crisis. Since he couldn't leave the little girl alone, he was on his own. He grappled for the appropriate resources in dealing with a lost child, and his mind drew a blank.

'Are you okay, honey?' he asked in a soft, gentle tone. Stupid question, considering the girl was clearly distraught, but it was all he could think of as an icebreaker.

'I want my mom,' she whimpered, her chin quivering.

He shifted casually, a subtle move that eased him closer. 'Where is your mom?'

'I don't know.' She sniffled, her expression bleak. 'I only stopped at the toy store to look in the window, and when I looked back up, my mom wasn't there.'

And most likely, the little girl's mother had eventually glanced down expecting to find her daughter by her side, and was met with the shocking discovery that her little girl was gone. No doubt, her mother was hysterical with worry.

The little girl started crying again, making Grey feel helpless and way out of his element. The first thought that drifted though his mind was, what would Mariah do? The answer came easily. She'd comfort the little girl.

Forcing himself closer, despite how the girl's sobs shook him up, he hunkered down in front of her. She was so little, so vulnerable. So sweet and innocent. Without thinking, he gently brushed a soft strand of hair from her face, startled by the odd protectiveness that rippled through him.

He swallowed hard. Oh, man, if he experienced such sensitivity and empathy with a child he didn't even know, he could only imagine how much more powerful the emotion would be with his own child.

His child. The child Mariah carried. The revelation sent his mind reeling.

'My name is Grey,' he said, attempting to establish some familiarity between them and chase away her apprehension. 'What's your name?'

'B-B-Brandi,' she stuttered.

He smiled, the last of the tension easing from his body. 'Well, that's a beautiful name for such a pretty little girl. What do you say you come with me and we'll go look for your mom?'

Her gaze turned skeptical, and she swiped her tears from her cheeks. 'I'm not supposed to go anywhere with strangers.'

'That's a very good rule,' he told her, knowing he'd want his own child to be just as educated. 'But I don't want to leave you here all by yourself. There's an information booth a little ways from here, and I'm sure they can locate your mom for you, but you have to come with me.'

He straightened, held out his hand and waited, knowing there was little he could do if Brandi refused to go with