clench, and brought on a tidal wave of fears and insecurities she'd been clinging to since the day her father had turned his back on their family. She'd trusted him, believed in him, and she'd never forgiven him for callously destroying her safe, secure haven.
Brooke knocked on her door, jarring Jessica out of her painful memories. 'Hey, are you changed yet?' she asked.
'Just a sec.' Pushing those disturbing thoughts from her mind, Jessica exited the dressing room and met Brooke at the mirror.
She gazed at their reflections, seeing past the outfits they wore. While she and Brooke were similar in looks, and they'd gone through the same childhood turmoil, they'd both reacted differently to the experience. Brooke made the best of situations, opting toward making responsible, sensible and pragmatic decisions. Jessica was practical, too, but had discovered it was easier, and less painful, if she safeguarded her heart and emotions.
And that explained why she was still alone and single, she knew. And she also knew and accepted that with Ryan's goals, profession and carefree outlook on relationships that he wasn't the kind of man she could have a future with, either. He'd made her no promises, and that was probably for the best, for both of them.
But that knowledge only served to make her more determined to take what Ryan was offering, and enjoy what she could of their affair.
She focused on the images of her and Brooke and the dresses they wore, both of which complemented their figures and complexions perfectly. Jessica smiled. 'Well?'
'What do you think?' her sister asked at the same moment.
They both looked into the mirror, then at each other.
'You look fabulous,' they echoed in unison, and laughed.
'Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Christmas!'
The deep, baritone voice resounded in the Matthews' spacious family room where everyone was gathered. Jessica watched in amazement and delight as Ryan's five nieces and nephews stopped whatever they were doing and turned wide-eyed to the jolly man in red standing in the doorway, wearing a full white beard, gold-rimmed glasses, and carrying a bulging, red velvet sack over his shoulder.
'It's Santa!' three-year-old Alyssa breathed, as if she couldn't quite believe her eyes.
'He's here, he's here!' Six-year-old Richie squealed in unabashed excitement.
Total chaos erupted as four little kids stampeded toward 'Santa' and clamored around him for attention. Max, the youngest at two, decided to observe from a distance, his gaze narrowed, as if he wasn't quite sure who the big, boisterous stranger was, or if he wanted to approach him just yet. The adults sat back and watched, letting the little guy make the decision for himself.
Courtney, one of Ryan's older sisters, slid into the empty seat beside Jessica and spoke out of the corner of her mouth. 'You'd think that Jackie would figure out that Santa is really her Uncle Ryan, but for two years now she's been just as enthralled as the other kids.'
Jackie, Jessica had learned, was seven years old, and though she seemed very mature for her age, when it came to believing in St. Nick, she was just as gullible as the others. 'Sometimes it's hard to let go of that illusion,' she replied, knowing she was speaking from her own childhood experiences. 'And it's nice to see them enjoy it for as long as possible.'
Courtney agreed, and they both turned their attention back to the Christmas Eve surprise unfolding for the little ones, none of whom had seemed to notice that Ryan had slipped out of the room twenty minutes ago, or that he wasn't currently present. Once 'Santa' calmed the excited kids, he addressed them one at a time, letting each one sit on his lap and tell him what they wanted for Christmas. Then, he pulled out a special gift for them from his velvet bag, and went on to the next captivated child. His patience and affection for his nieces and nephews was apparent and made Jessica experience an odd tug near the vicinity of her heart.
Jennifer ripped open her present and gasped when she revealed what Santa had given her, which had been one of the things she'd just asked him for. Jessica smothered a grin-she and Ryan had gone toy shopping a few days ago with a list from his sisters of what the children wanted.
'Mom, Dad! Santa brought me the Herbee I asked for!' Jennifer cried jubilantly as she held up a small square box for everyone to see the furry, animated creature that spoke nonstop and was no doubt designed to drive an adult certifiably nuts.
'Thank you, Santa,' Courtney said wryly, and Ryan replied with a hearty. 'Ho, ho, ho,' that had the other adults chuckling.
As Richie hopped off Santa's lap with his own gift and Alyssa climbed on, Ryan glanced Jessica's way, and their gazes met. His brown eyes twinkled just as merrily as his namesake, and the wink he gave her was very private and made her cheeks warm. Fortunately, everyone else in the room was preoccupied and hadn't witnessed the intimate exchange.
When they'd arrived at Ryan's parents' house four hours ago, Nancy and Conrad Matthews had welcomed her as if shewere part of their family, despite that Ryan had held true to his word and had introduced her simply as a friend. And though everyone had accepted his introduction without question, Jessica was fairly certain that his mother and sisters were wondering about the real scoop between her and Ryan. Knowing she'd probably never spend Christmas with his family again, she preferred that they believed his explanation.
She outright envied the love and security so evident in his family, how warm and supportive they seemed to be. They had fun together, they laughed and teased, and it was apparent that Ryan's mother took extra care in creating a holiday atmosphere meant to make lasting memories. Before Santa's arrival, the kitchen had been bustling-with finger foods and holiday treats to snack on, and with Jessica and Natalie helping the children to bake cookies to leave for St. Nick when they went to bed for the night.
The whole evening was magical and something Jessica knew she'd never forget. And for the first time since she was a little girl, she was wrapped up in the sense of belonging-and had to firmly remind herself that although Ryan had shared this holiday and his family with her, it wasn't something she'd be a part of in the future.
Jessica pulled her thoughts back to the present, and realized that all the kids had taken a turn with Santa, except for Max, who was still eyeing him warily from across the room. Wanting the little boy to share in the fun and spirit of St. Nick, she leaned forward until she caught Max's mom's attention.
'Can I take him to see Santa?' Jessica asked Lindsay.
The other woman smiled and nodded. 'Go right ahead.'
Jessica approached the toddler, and his big brown eyes, the same shade as his uncle's, darted from her to his mother. Lindsay must have silently reassured him somehow, because he visibly relaxed.
She squatted in front of him and gentled her voice. 'You know, I've never met Santa personally, either, so what do you say we go together?'
Max swallowed and sneaked a peek at Santa, the yearning in his gaze clear. Seemingly deciding that he'd be safer with an escort, he nodded his head jerkily, and placed his tiny hand in hers.
Jessica accompanied Max to the man in red, and sat him on Ryan's knee, but remained close so the little boy didn't panic.
Santa patted Max's thigh in a gesture meant to reassure him. 'I hear you've been a very good boy this year,' Ryan said, his voice deliberately gruff to disguise it.
Max, eyes round as he stared at Ryan's huge white beard, nodded mutely.
'Would you like to tell me what you'd like for Christmas?'
Max shook his head 'no' in response, still uncertain of this jolly, strange man.
'Well, I think I might have something in my bag that you'd like.' Ryan withdrew the last gaily wrapped present, and handed it to Max.
'Thank you,' the little boy whispered, then scrambled off Santa's lap and bolted for the safety of his father, Clive, who sat across the room watching the show.
Jessica stepped away to return to her seat, but a white-gloved hand caught her wrist, gently tugged her back, and she found herself sitting on Santa's very hard, muscular thigh. She gasped in surprise that he'd so openly flirt with her in front of his family when his behavior toward her had been platonic all evening.
A dark brow quirked over the rim of his ridiculous-looking spectacles. 'So, has Jessica been naughty or nice this
