'When did you discover that there wasn't really a Santa Claus?'
Sitting back, she drew her knees up on the couch and wrapped her arms around her legs. 'Well, it was the year my parents divorced.' She gave him a sad smile that made him ache for her. 'I was nine years old, and after losing my father, believing in Santa Claus was just so important to me. A part of me knew he wasn't real, but I clung to the fairy tale.'
With a soft sigh, she rested her chin on her knees and focused on the Christmas tree lights. 'I remember asking for the newest, latest Barbie playhouse that was out at the time. It was really expensive, and Brooke kept giving me the spiel that Santa has a lot of kids to bring gifts to, and not all kids get what they want. She knew where the presents came from, and also knew I was in for a big letdown. Still, that was the only thing I put on my list, because I wanted so badly to believe that Santa was real, and that he'd bring me that one toy because I knew it was too expensive for my mother to afford.'
She ducked her head so he couldn't see her face, but her trembling voice gave her away. 'My mother was hardly ever home because she was working two jobs, and when I heard her come in on Christmas Eve after working her late shift at a restaurant, I snuck out to the living room and saw her sitting on the floor wrapping presents. And there, among a few inexpensive trinkets for me and Brooke was the Barbie playhouse I'd asked for. And in the morning, it had a tag on it that said, 'From Santa'.'
Finally, she turned and looked at him, the moisture in her eyes revealing her inner pain. 'As much as I loved my mother for scrimping and saving to give me my one wish, I stopped believing in a lot of things that Christmas.'
Her anguish seemingly became his own, squeezing his chest tight, and the only thing he could think of was chasing away her misery and bad memories and giving her something she could cling to and depend on. Him.
'Jessie, sweetheart,' he whispered, and reached for her, because mere words were inadequate to soothe her. She came into his embrace without resisting, burrowing into him like a lost soul seeking comfort. Wrapping an arm around her back and holding her close, he eased them both down onto the couch so she was lying between him and the cushions, cocooned in his warmth and strength.
She buried her face against his neck, and a great, big shuddering sigh wracked her entire body. Then, he felt the hot dampness of tears seeping through his T-shirt, and knew all he could do was just be there for her while she came to terms with the pain of her past.
He cuddled her close and watched the tree lights dance in front of them, stroking her side and hip through her flannel pajamas until her breathing grew deep and even and he knew she'd succumbed to peaceful sleep. In a few minutes, he'd wake her up and take her back to her room. In the meantime, he savored the feel of her, the jasmine scent of her hair and skin, and how perfectly she fit into his life… and he came to realize with a calm acceptance that despite not looking for love, he'd found it with her. And no matter what he had to do, he wanted to make room for her in his life, his future.
If only she'd allow him into her heart.
Jessica snuggled closer to the warm, masculine body next to hers, luxuriating in the sense of complete contentment and security enveloping her. Their sleeping quarters were cramped, but she didn't mind. Her head rested on Ryan's chest, her arm was slung over his stomach, and her legs entwined with his. A sleepy smile touched her lips when she realized that one of Ryan's hands was tangled in her hair, and his warm breath brushed across her temple.
She'd never
Yet, she knew the isolation and solitude would return once he was no longer a part of her life. And as much as the thought of letting Ryan go hurt, she accepted it as inevitable, knowing their lives, their aspirations and dreams for the future, didn't mesh.
Ignoring the ache in her heart, she sighed and rubbed her cheek against his chest, focusing on the present and what they had in common-their attraction, desire and passion. And for now, for today and the next week, she planned to be greedy and experience it all. And then, when that awful loneliness settled in, she'd have wondrous memories to draw on, to keep her warm on the long, solitary nights ahead.
The sound of hushed whispers and stifled giggles reached past Jessica's musings, and brought her back to the present. She blinked her eyes open and found herself staring at Ryan's three nieces, who stood in front of the couch watching them sleep. From the other room, she could hear the adults approaching, too. Not sure how to handle the situation or explain their dilemma, even though they'd done nothing wrong, she gave Ryan a firm shake.
He awoke, slowly and lazily. His slumberous gaze met hers, and a sexy smile eased up the corners of his mouth. 'Morning,' he murmured.
Trying not to let that husky, intimate voice of his and just how gorgeous he looked first thing in the morning distract her, she nodded toward the trio in front of them. 'Uh, we've got company.'
Ryan turned his head, and though his body tensed with instant awareness, his expression gave nothing away. 'Morning, girls,' he said cheerfully.
'Uncle Ryan,' Jackie said, a slight frown marring her brows. 'How come you and Jessica are sleeping on the couch?'
'Well…' His voice trailed off as he obviously tried to conjure an excuse. Taking more time, he sat up, just as the rest of the Matthews clan converged in the family room. Surprise and speculation registered across everyone's faces at seeing them together, and Jessica felt her face flush at being caught in such an embarrassing predicament.
'Hey, did you two get to see Santa last night?' Ryan's sister Lindsay asked, amusement lacing her voice.
Alyssa's eyes rounded with hope at that thought. 'Did you?'
Richie dashed past his father and raced into the room, dancing around the coffee table, pointing to the plate with the crumbs on it, and the empty milk glass. 'Look, Santa ate the cookies and drank the milk! Did you see him, Uncle Ryan? Did you?'
Ryan dragged a hand through his tousled hair and grinned. 'The thing is, Jessica and I snuck down here last night and tried to stay awake for Santa, but we were so tired that we just didn't make it.' He shook his head regretfully.
'But look at all the presents he left,' Jennifer said, scrambling over to the tree and the overflow of gifts. 'Here's one for me, and one for Max, and one for Grandma…'
As the kids squealed in excitement and huddled around the tree, and the adults moved in to help sort and pass out the presents to the eager children, Ryan took the opportunity to grasp a private moment with Jessica.
'I'm sorry,' he whispered, appearing contrite at the awkward situation he'd put her in. 'I swear I didn't mean for us to fall asleep together and wake up with an audience.'
She smiled to reassure him. 'It's okay.'
Uncaring of who might see the affectionate gesture, he stroked his knuckles down her cheek, then tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. 'You ready to enjoy Christmas morning, Matthews style?'
She shivered at his touch, reveling in the warmth and tenderness in his gaze. 'Yeah, I am.'
And as she watched Ryan with his nieces and nephews, and was accepted so completely into the fold of his family, she knew this sense of belonging would be her most precious memory of all.
Chapter 10
Tonight's the Night.
Rod Stewart's raspy voice and the classic lyrics to that sexy song reached Ryan just as he stepped into his house from the garage after an unexpectedly long day at the office. Having seen Jessica's car parked out by the curb, he knew she was decorating for the New Year's Eve party, which was tomorrow night.
Using the key he'd given her, she'd spent the past two afternoons setting up chairs, bringing in party supplies,
