The Vile Village

The expression 'a bolt from the blue' describes something so surprising that it makes your head spin, your legs wobble, and your body buzz with astonishment — as if a bolt of lightning suddenly came down from a clear blue sky and struck you at full force. Unless you are a lightbulb, an electrical appliance, or a tree that is tired of standing upright, encountering a bolt from the blue is not a pleasant experience, and for a few minutes the Baudelaires stood on the steps of Hector's house and felt the unpleasant sensations of spinning heads, wobbly legs, and buzzing bodies.

'My goodness, Baudelaires,' Hector said. 'I've never seen anyone look so surprised. Here, come in the house and sit down. You look like a bolt of lightning just hit you at full force.'

The Baudelaires followed Hector into his house and down a hallway to the parlor, where they sat down on a couch without a word. 'Why don't you sit here for a few minutes,' he said. 'I'm going to fix you some hot tea. Maybe by the time it's ready you'll be able to talk.' He leaned down and handed the scrap of paper to Violet, and gave Sunny a little pat on the head before walking out of the parlor and leaving the children alone. Without speaking, Violet unrolled the paper so the siblings could read the couplet again.

For sapphires we are held in here. Only you can end our fear.

'It's her,' Klaus said, speaking quietly so Hector wouldn't hear him. 'I'm sure of it. Isadora Quagmire wrote this poem.'

'I think so, too,' Violet said. 'I'm positive it's her handwriting.'

'Blake!' Sunny said, which meant 'And the poem is written in Isadora's distinct literary style!'

'The poem talks about sapphires,' Violet said, 'and the triplets' parents left behind the famous Quagmire sapphires when they died.'

'Olaf kidnapped them to get ahold of those sapphires,' Klaus said. 'That must be what it means when it says 'For sapphires we are held in here.''

'Peng?' Sunny asked.

'I don't know how Hector got ahold of this,' Violet replied. 'Let's ask him.'

'Not so fast,' Klaus said. He took the poem from Violet and looked at it again. 'Maybe Hector's involved with the kidnapping in some way.'

'I hadn't thought of that,' Violet said. 'Do you really think so?'

'I don't know,' Klaus said. 'He doesn't seem like one of Count Olaf's associates, but sometimes we haven't been able to recognize them.'

'Wryb,' Sunny said thoughtfully, which meant 'That's true.'

'He seems like someone we can trust,' Violet said. 'He was excited to show us the migration of the crows, and he wanted to hear all about everything that has happened to us. That doesn't sound like a kidnapper, but I suppose there's no way of knowing for sure.'

'Exactly,' Klaus said. 'There's no way of knowing for sure.'

'The tea's all ready,' Hector called from the next room. 'If you're up to it, why don't you join me in the kitchen? You can sit at the table while I make the enchiladas.'

The Baudelaires looked at one another, and nodded. 'Kay!' Sunny called, and led her siblings into a large and cozy kitchen. The children took seats at a round wooden table, where Hector had placed three steaming mugs of tea, and sat quietly while Hector began to prepare dinner. It is true, of course, that there is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time. You might know someone for several years, for instance, and trust him completely as your friend, but circumstances could change and he could become very hungry, and before you knew it you could be boiling in a soup pot, because there is no way of knowing for sure. I myself fell in love with a wonderful woman who was so charming and intelligent that I trusted that she would be my bride, but there was no way of knowing for sure, and all too soon circumstances changed and she ended up marrying someone else, all because of something she read in The Daily Punctilio. And no one had to tell the Baudelaire orphans that there was no way of knowing for sure, because before they became orphans, they lived for many years in the care their parents, and trusted their parents to keep on caring for them, but circumstances changed, and now their parents were dead and the children were living with a handyman in a town full of crows. But even though there is no way of knowing for sure, there are often ways to know for pretty sure, and as the three siblings watched Hector work in the kitchen they spotted some of those ways. The tune he hummed as he chopped the ingredients, for instance, was a comforting one, and the Baudelaires could not imagine that a person could hum like that if he were a kidnapper. When he saw that the Baudelaires' tea was still too hot to sip, he walked over to the kitchen and blew on each of their mugs to cool it, and it was hard to believe that someone could be hiding two triplets and cooling three children's tea at the same time. And most comforting of all, Hector didn't pester them with a lot of questions about why they were so surprised and silent. He simply kept quiet and let the Baudelaires wait until they were ready to speak about the scrap of paper he had given them, and the children could not imagine that such a considerate person was involved with Count Olaf in any way whatsoever. There was no way of knowing for sure, of course, but as the Baudelaires watched the handyman place the enchiladas in the oven to bake, they felt as if they knew for pretty sure, and by the time he sat down and joined them at the table they were ready to tell him about the couplet they had read.

'This poem was written by Isadora Quagmire,' Klaus said without preamble, a phrase which here means 'almost as soon as Hector sat down.'

'Wow,' Hector said. 'No wonder you were so surprised. But how can you be sure? Lots of poets write couplets. Ogden Nash, for instance.'

'Ogden Nash doesn't write about sapphires,' said Klaus, who had received a biography of Ogden Nash for his seventh birthday. 'Isadora does. When the Quagmire parents died, they left behind a fortune in sapphires. That's what she means by 'For sapphires we are held in here.''

'Besides,' Violet said, 'it's Isadora's handwriting and distinct literary style.'

'Well,' Hector said, 'if you say this poem is by Isadora Quagmire, I believe you.'

'We should call Mr. Poe, and tell him,' Klaus said.

'We can't call him,' Hector said. 'There are no telephones in V.F.D., because telephones are mechanical devices. The Council of Elders can send a message to him. I'm too skittish to ask them, but you can do so if you wish.'

'Well, before we talk to the Council, we should know a bit more about the couplet,' Violet said. 'Where did you get ahold of this scrap of paper?'

'I found it today,' Hector said, 'beneath the branches of Nevermore Tree. I woke up this morning, and I was just leaving to walk downtown to do the morning chores when I noticed something white among all the black feathers the crows had left behind. It was this scrap of paper, all rolled up in a little scroll. I didn't understand what was written on it, and I needed to get the chores done, so I put it in the pocket of my overalls, and I didn't think of it again until just now, when we were talking about couplets. It's certainly very mysterious. How in the world did one of Isadora's poems end up in my backyard?'

'Well, poems don't get up and walk by themselves,' Violet said. 'Isadora must have put it here. She must be someplace nearby.'

Hector shook his head. 'I don't think so,' he said. 'You saw for yourself how flat it is around here. You can see everything for miles around, and the only things here on the outskirts of town are the house, the barn, and Nevermore Tree. You're welcome to search the house, but you're not going to find Isadora Quagmire or anyone else, and I always keep the barn locked because I don't want the Council of Elders to find out I'm breaking the rules.'

'Maybe she's in the tree,' Klaus said. 'It's certainly big enough that Olaf could hide her in the branches.'

'That's true,' Violet said. 'Last time Olaf was keeping them far below us. Maybe this time they're far above us.' She shuddered, thinking of how unpleasant it would be to find yourself trapped in Nevermore Tree's enormous branches, and she pushed her chair back from the table and stood up. 'There's only one thing to do,' she said. 'We'll have to go up and look for them.'

'You're right,' Klaus said, and stood up beside her. 'Let's go.'

'Gerhit!' Sunny agreed.

'Hold on a minute,' Hector said. 'We can't just go climbing up Nevermore Tree.'

'Why not?' Violet said. 'We've climbed up a tower and down an elevator shaft. Climbing a tree should be no