problem.'
'I'm sure you three are fine climbers,' Hector said, 'but that's not what I mean.' He stood up and walked over to the kitchen window. 'Take a look outside,' he said. 'The sun has completely set. It's not light enough to see a friend of yours up in Nevermore Tree. Besides, the tree is covered in roosting birds. You'll never be able to climb through all of those crows — it'll be a wild-goose chase.'
The Baudelaires looked out the window and saw that Hector was right. The tree was merely an enormous shadow, blurry around the edges where the birds were roosting. The children knew that a climb in such darkness would indeed be a wild-goose chase, a phrase which here means 'unlikely to reveal the Quagmires triplets' location.' Klaus and Sunny looked at their sister, hoping that she could invent a solution, and were relieved to hear she had thought of something before she could even tie her hair back in a ribbon. 'We could climb with flashlights,' Violet said. 'If you have some tinfoil, an old broom handle, and three rubber bands, I can make a flashlight myself in ten minutes.'
Hector shook his head. 'Flashlights would only disturb the crows,' he said. 'If someone woke you up in the middle of the night and shone a light in your face, you would be very annoyed, and you don't want to be surrounded by thousands of annoyed crows. It's better to wait until morning, when the crows have migrated uptown.'
'We can't wait until morning,' Klaus said.
'We can't wait another second. The last time we found them, we left them alone for a few minutes, and then they were gone again.'
'Ollawmove!' Sunny shrieked, which meant 'Olaf could move them at any time!'
'Well, he can't move them now,' Hector pointed out. 'It would be just as difficult for him to climb the tree.'
'We have to do something,' Violet insisted. 'This poem isn't just a couplet — it's a cry for help. Isadora herself says 'Only you can end our fear.' Our friends are frightened, and it's up to us to rescue them.'
Hector took some oven mitts out of the pocket of his overalls, and used them to take the enchiladas out of the oven. 'I'll tell you what,' he said. 'It's a nice evening, and our chicken enchiladas are done. We can sit out on the porch, and eat our dinner, and keep an eye on Nevermore Tree. This area is so flat that even at night you can see for quite a distance, and if Count Olaf approaches — or anybody else, for that matter — we'll see him coming.'
'But Count Olaf might perform his treachery after dinner,' Klaus said. 'The only way to make sure that nobody approaches the tree is to watch the tree all night.'
'We can take turns sleeping,' Violet said, 'so that one of us is always awake to keep watch.'
Hector started to shake his head, but then stopped and looked at the children. 'Normally I don't approve of children staying up late,' he said finally, 'unless they are reading a very good book, seeing a wonderful movie, or attending a dinner party with fascinating guests. But this time I suppose we can make an exception. I'll probably fall asleep, but you three can keep watch all night if you wish. Just please don't try to climb Nevermore Tree in the dark. I understand how frustrated you are, and I know that the only thing we can do is wait until morning.'
The Baudelaires looked at one another and sighed. They were so anxious about the Quagmires that they wanted to run right out and climb Nevermore Tree, but they knew in their hearts that Hector was right.
'I guess you're right, Hector,' Violet said. 'We can wait until morning.'
'It's the only thing we can do,' Klaus agreed.
'Contraire!' Sunny said, and held up her arms so that Klaus could pick her up. She meant something along the lines of 'I can think of something else we can do — hold me up to the window latch!' and her brother did so. Sunny's tiny fingers undid the latch of the window and pushed it open, letting in the cool evening air and the muttering sound of the crows. Then she leaned forward as far as she could and stuck her head out into the night. 'Bark!' she cried out as loudly as she could. 'Bark!'
There are many expressions to describe someone who is going about something in the wrong way. 'Making a mistake' is one way to describe this situation. 'Screwing up' is another, although it is a bit rude, and 'Attempting to rescue Lemony Snicket by writing letters to a congressman, instead of digging an escape tunnel' is a third way, although it is a bit too specific. But Sunny calling out 'Bark!' brings to mind an expression that, sadly enough, describes the situation perfectly.
By 'Bark!' Sunny meant 'If you're up there, Quagmires, just hang on, and we'll get you out first thing in the morning,' and I'm sorry to say that the expression which best describes her circumstances is 'barking up the wrong tree.' It was a kind gesture of Sunny's, to try to reassure Isadora and Duncan that the Baudelaires would help them escape from Count Olaf's clutches, but the youngest Baudelaire was going about it the wrong way. 'Bark!' she cried one more time, as Hector began to dish up the chicken enchiladas, and led the Baudelaires to the front porch so they could eat at the picnic table and keep an eye on Nevermore Tree, but Sunny was making a mistake. The Baudelaires did not realize the mistake as they finished their dinner and kept their eye on the immense, muttering tree. They did not realize the mistake as they sat on the porch for the rest of the night, taking turns at squinting at the flat horizon for any sign of someone approaching and dozing beside Hector using the picnic table as a pillow. But when the sun began to rise, and one V.F.D. crow left Nevermore Tree and began to fly in a circle, and three more crows followed, and then seven more, and then twelve more, and soon the morning sky was filled with the sound of fluttering wings as the thousands of crows circled and circled above the children's heads as they rose from the wooden chairs and walked quickly toward the tree to look for any sign of the Quagmires, the Baudelaires saw at once how deeply mistaken they had been.
Without the murder of crows roosting in its branches, Nevermore Tree looked as bare as a skeleton. There was not a single leaf among the hundreds and hundreds of the tree's branches. Standing on its scraggly roots and looking up into the empty branches, the Baudelaires could see every last detail of Nevermore Tree, and they could see at once that they would not find Duncan and Isadora Quagmire no matter how far they climbed. It was an enormous tree, and it was a sturdy tree, and it was apparently very comfortable to roost in, but it was the wrong tree. Klaus had been barking up the wrong tree when he'd said that their kidnapped friends were probably up there, and Violet had been barking up the wrong tree when she'd said that they should climb up and look for them, and Sunny had been barking up the wrong tree when she'd said 'Bark!' The Baudelaire orphans had been barking up the wrong tree all evening, because the only thing the children found that morning was another scrap of paper, rolled into a scroll, among all the black feathers that the crows had left behind.
Chapter Five
My head is spinning again,' Violet said, holding the scrap of paper so Klaus and Sunny could see what was written on it. 'And my legs are all wobbly and my body is buzzing, like I've been struck by lightning. How in the world did Isadora get another poem here? We made sure that one of us was watching the tree at every moment.'
'Maybe it was here yesterday, but Hector didn't see it,' Klaus said.
Violet shook her head. 'A white scrap of paper is very easy to see next to all these black feathers. It must have arrived here sometime in the night. But how?'
'How it got here is the least of our questions,' Klaus said. 'Where are the Quagmires? That's the question I want answered.'
'But why doesn't Isadora just tell us,' Violet said, rereading the couplet and frowning, 'instead of leaving us mysterious poems on the ground where anyone could find them?'
'Maybe that's why,' Klaus said slowly. 'Anyone could find them here on the ground. If Isadora simply wrote out where they were, and Count Olaf found the scrap of paper, he'd move them — or worse. I'm not that experienced with reading poetry, but I bet Isadora
'It'll be difficult to find,' Violet said, rereading the couplet. 'There are so many confusing things about this poem. Why does she say 'beak'? Isadora has a nose and mouth, not a beak.'
