The Carnivorous Carnival

'I guess they're just happy that anybody's treating them like normal people,' Violet said, and glanced into the pit. One of the lions yawned, stretched its paws, and opened one sleepy eye, but seemed uninterested in the three children working nearby. 'Maybe that's why the hook-handed man works for Count Olaf, or the bald man with the long nose. Maybe when they tried to work someplace else, everyone laughed at them.'

'Or maybe they just like committing crimes,' Klaus said.

'That's a possibility, too,' Violet said, and then frowned at the bottom of the cart. 'I wish I had Mother's tool kit,' she said. 'She had this tiny wrench I always admired, and it would be just perfect for this job.'

'She'd probably be a better help than I am,' Klaus said. 'I can't make head or tail of what you're doing.'

'You're doing fine,' Violet said, 'particularly if you consider that we're sharing a shirt. How are those ivy stems coming, Sunny?'

'Lesoint,' Sunny replied, which meant 'I'm nearly done.'

'Good work,' Violet said, peering at the sun. 'I'm not sure how much time we have. Count Olaf is probably inside the fortune-telling tent by now, asking the crystal ball about our whereabouts. I hope Madame Lulu keeps her promise, and doesn't give him what he wants. Will you hand me that piece of metal on the ground, Klaus? It looks like it used to be part of the tracks, but I'm going to use it to make a steering device.'

'I wish Madame Lulu could give us what we want,' Klaus said, handing the piece to his sister. 'I wish we could find out if one of our parents survived the fire, without wandering around a mountain range.'

'Me, too,' Violet said, 'and even then we might not find them. They could be down here looking for us.'

'Remember the train station?' Klaus said and Violet nodded.

'Esoobac,' Sunny asked, handing over the ivy stems. By 'Esoobac,' she meant something like, 'I don't remember,' although there was no way she could have, as the youngest Baudelaire hadn't been born at the time her siblings were remembering. The Baudelaire family had decided to go away for the weekend to a vineyard, a word which here means 'a sort of farm where people grow grapes used in wine.' This vineyard was famous for having grapes that smelled delicious, and it was very pleasant to picnic in the fields, while the fragrance drifted in the air and the vineyard's famous donkeys, who helped carry bushels of grapes at harvesttime, slept in the shade of the grapevines. To reach the vineyard, the Baudelaires had to take not one train but two, transferring at a busy station not far from Paltryville, and on the day that Violet and Klaus were remembering, the children had been separated from their parents in the rush of the transferring crowd. Violet and Klaus, who were quite young, decided to search for their parents in the row of shops just outside the station, and soon the local shoemaker, blacksmith, chimney sweep, and computer technician were all helping the two frightened children look for their mother and father. Soon enough the Baudelaire family was reunited, but the children's father had taught them a serious lesson. 'If you lose us,' he said, 'stay put.'

'Yes,' their mother agreed. 'Don't go wandering around looking for us. We'll come and find you.''

At the time, Violet and Klaus had solemnly agreed, but times had changed. When the Baudelaire parents had said 'If you lose us,' they were referring to times when the children might lose sight of them in a crowd, as they had at the train station that day, where I had lunch just a few weeks ago and talked to the shoemaker's son about what had happened. They were not referring to the way the Baudelaires had lost them now, in a deadly fire that it seemed had claimed at least one of their lives. There are times to stay put and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself. Like the Baudelaire orphans, I have found myself in places where staying put would be dangerously foolish, and foolishly dangerous. I have stood in a department store, and seen something written on a price tag that told me I had to leave at once, but in different clothing. I have sat in an airport, and heard something over the loudspeaker that told me I had to leave later that day, but on a different flight. And I have stood alongside the roller coaster at Caligari Carnival, and known what the Baudelaires could not possibly have known that quiet morning. I have looked at the carts, all melted together and covered in ash, and I have gazed into the pit dug by Count Olaf and his henchmen and seen all the burnt bones lying in a heap, and I have picked through the bits of mirror and crystal where the fortune-telling tent once stood, and all this research has told me the same thing, and if somehow I could slip back in time, as easily as I could slip out of the disguise I am in now, I would walk to the edge of that pit and tell the Baudelaire orphans the results of my findings. But of course I cannot. I can only fulfill my sacred duty and type this story as best I can, down to the last word.

'Worf,' Sunny said, when the Baudelaires had finished telling her about the train station. By 'worf,' she meant something along the lines of, 'I don't think we should stay put. I think we should leave right now.'

'We can't leave yet,' Violet said. 'The steering device is ready, and the carts are firmly attached to one another, but without a fan belt, the engine won't work. We'd better go to the fortune-telling tent and dismantle the lightning-device.'

'Olaf?' Sunny asked.

'Let's hope that Madame Lulu has sent him on his way,' Violet said, 'otherwise we'll be cutting it close. We have to finish our invention before the show begins, otherwise everyone will see us get in the carts and leave.'

There was a faint growl from the pit, and the children saw that most of the lions were awake and looking around crankily at their surroundings. Some of them were trying to pace around their cramped quarters, but they only managed to get in the way of other lions, which only made them crankier.

'Those lions look hungry,' Klaus said. 'I wonder if it's almost show time.'

'Aklec,' Sunny said, which meant 'Let's move out,' and the Baudelaires moved out, walking away from the roller coaster and toward the fortune-telling tent. As the children walked through the carnival, they saw that quite a few visitors had already arrived, and some of them giggled at the siblings as they made their way.

'Look!' one man said, pointing at the Baudelaires with a sneer. 'Freaks! Let's be sure to go to the lion show later — one of them might get eaten.'

'Oh, I hope so,' said his companion. 'I didn't come all the way out here to the hinterlands for nothing.'

'The woman at the ticket booth told me that a journalist from The Daily Punctilio is here to report on who gets devoured,' said another man, who was wearing a CALIGARI CARNIVAL T-shirt he had apparently purchased at the gift caravan.

'The Daily Punctilio!' cried the woman who was with him. 'How exciting! I've been reading about those Baudelaire murderers for weeks. I just love violence!'

'Who doesn't?' the man replied. 'Especially when it's combined with sloppy eating.'

Just as the Baudelaires reached the fortune-telling tent, a man stepped in front of them and blocked their way. The children looked up at the pimples on his chin and recognized him as the very rude member of the audience at the House of Freaks.

'Why, look who's here,' he said. 'It's Chabo the Wolf Baby, and Beverly and Elliot, the two-headed freak.'

'It's very nice to see you again,' Violet said quickly. She tried to walk around him, but he grabbed the shirt she was sharing with her brother, and she had to stop so he wouldn't tear the shirt and reveal their disguise.

'What about your other head?' the pimpled man asked sarcastically. 'Doesn't he think it's nice to see me?'

'Of course,' Klaus said, 'but we're in a bit of a hurry, so if you'll excuse us . . .'

'I don't excuse freaks,' the man said. 'There's no excuse for them. Why don't you wear a sack over one of your heads, so you look normal?'

'Grr!' Sunny said, baring her teeth at the man's knees.

'Please leave us alone, sir,' Violet said 'Chabo is very protective of us, and might bite you if you get too close.'

'I bet Chabo's no match for a bunch of ferocious lions,' the man said. 'I can't wait until the show, and neither can my mother.'

'That's right, dear,' said a woman who was standing nearby. She stepped forward to give the pimpled man a big kiss, and the Baudelaires noticed that pimples seemed to run in the family. 'What time does the show start, freaks?'

'The show starts right now!'

The pimpled man and his mother turned around to see who had spoken, but the Baudelaires did not have to look to know it was Count Olaf who had made the announcement. The villain was standing at the entrance to the