men work the same. “That’s confidential information.”
“It’s important I know.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s my friend.”
“And what would you do with this information?”
I paused. “Ease his mind.”
His fingers stroked some blank papers on the desk. He sniffed the air-perhaps he smelled Vera. “Let’s suppose it is what the summons says: a document check. Then everything is fine. But if there is something more involved, something that takes a longer time…if that’s the case, then what will you do?”
I was walking into a trap. I could see this. But I couldn’t just stand up and leave. “I’d tell him to prepare himself.”
“That’s a lie, Ferenc. We both know it. You would advise him not to go, perhaps even to leave the country. It’s what you did to Svetla Woznica.”
In the silence that fell between us the shock settled into my bones. Nothing I did was a secret, nothing had ever been. I looked into his eyes, but couldn’t keep up my strength. He had the ability to hold a stare indefinitely, and I imagined, as my stomach turned over, that this was the way he looked at his victims in the interview room.
“Ferenc,” he said quietly, “maybe the fear has gone to your head. I wouldn’t assume to know what you’re feeling. But I am aware of everything you do. This thing with the Woznica woman was child’s play to figure out-her release form and a few questions at the train station were all it took. I know, but more importantly, so does Comrade Kaminski. I’d worry less about your friends and more about yourself, and your family. This friend of yours, this Georgi Radevych? He’s a drunk and a fraud, certainly you can see this. He’s loud and stupid. You’re not stupid, Ferenc. You’re just confused.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but he was turning away from me again, opening a folder.
I leaned over the toilet bowl and waited for the sickness that didn’t come. I couldn’t still myself. Then I sat down and tried to breathe regularly. There was graffiti scratched into the gray-green paint of the stall, and I focused on the men with enormous penises and large-breasted women bowed to service them. I closed my eyes.
When you know you are being watched, every movement takes on great significance. My stumbling walk down the corridor to the bathroom had been on a stage, with a crowd of thousands watching. Bent over the bowl, there was laughter, and when nothing came, hoots and catcalls. I was never alone, and never would be.
43
I called a friend of Leonek’s with connections to Yalta Boulevard, but he could do nothing. So I took a long walk through the city, trying to work out the puzzle of the impossible. And I ended as I began: powerless.
I wanted to just call him. He would have understood. But Georgi deserved better. When he opened the door it was hard to look at all the hope in his face, so I turned to the floor. When I looked back, the hope was gone.
We got drunk. There was a long night ahead of us, so we tried not to drink too quickly, but once we’d started there was no stopping us. I held up a finger and said I needed to call home, because I’d stayed out last night and had forgotten to let Magda know.
“Slept somewhere else?” Georgi frowned.
“Where were you last night?” said Magda.
“Busy. A case. Sorry I didn’t call, it was irresponsible. But I’m not going to be home tonight either. I’m over at Georgi’s.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“He got a notice.”
“A what?”
“He has to go to Yalta Boulevard tomorrow. A document check.”
“Well, I,” she began, then inhaled. “Oh Christ. You don’t mean…”
“I’m going to stay the night with him. Look, it’s probably nothing.”
“Yes. Yes, right. I hope so. Can’t you do anything for him?”
“I’ve tried.”
“Give him my love.”
It was the first time in memory she’d ever offered Georgi such a thing. But Georgi smiled when I delivered it, and said, “I always liked that woman. Haven’t I always said that? Because it’s true.”
“You’ve always said it.”
“But listen. Was it Vera last night? I can see it was Vera. I might be going off to some cold prison, but you and Magda need to make up.” He raised his glass. “For the good of the country.”
“You should be talking to Magda about this.”
“It’s a two-sided thing, a marriage.”
“You’ve never been married.”
“True, true.”
“Anyway, I’ve been trying for too long. As far as she’s concerned, we’re no longer man and wife.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. “She told you this?”
“She’s sleeping with my oldest friend, isn’t that enough?”
Georgi, for the first time in his life, had nothing to say.
I brought the brandy from the kitchen. We went at it.
He was resolute in his doom. I admired him for it, and told him. He grimaced. “You know, this is the way heroes go down. They smile agreeably as they’re led to the wall. They sing a song as the bullet comes at them.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m past the terror. You should have seen me this morning.”
“I did see you this morning.”
“I mean after I talked to you. I threw up in an alley and wept on the tram. You know what I wanted more than anything? A wife to cry to. That’s what I wanted. Why can’t I settle down? What’s my flaw?”
“You’ve got no flaws, Georgi.”
He winked, then leaned forward and tapped my knee. “Fill me up, okay?”
We drank until early morning, then slept where we sat. He cried a few times when he was very drunk, but held on for most of the night. After a short rest, we had coffee, and he leaned his head on my chest a moment. I put my arms around him. No tears, just a momentary loss of strength. He washed himself thoroughly, because, as he said, he didn’t know when he’d get the chance again. Then I drove him to Yalta Boulevard, number 36. An
unassuming beige facade: a prewar administrative office. The only difference now was the crest above the door-the hawk with its head turned aside-and the simple sign: MINISTRY FOR STATE SECURITY, CENTRAL.
A handsome, uniformed guard standing just beyond the heavy wooden doors read Georgi’s summons. He smiled serenely and told me I could not enter. I started to protest, but Georgi squeezed my arm. “Let’s not make trouble.” He kissed my cheeks and passed through the inner doors alone.
I waited in the car, watching women pass in their winter scarves, and kept looking back at the door with the hope that he would come bursting out, grinning with wild relief. Maybe I could have sent him out of the country. Buying someone passage east was no problem, but Georgi would have only been safe in the West. That was beyond my means.
After a half hour, I started the engine and drove.
44
