Never Knowing

What should I do? Was it just a trick? But what if it wasn’t?

It didn’t matter. I knew what I was going to do. I closed my eyes.

“I’ll meet you, okay? And we’ll talk about it. But I can’t get away for a while.”

“Ally has to come too.”

My body jerked like he’d hit me and I clutched the phone.

“I already told you no.”

“She has to. You and Ally have to come live with me.”

“Live with — we can’t live with you. That’s not possible.”

“You have to.” His voice was frantic. “If you come I won’t hurt anyone else again. I’ll stop forever. But if you don’t, I’m — I’m going to kill your shrink, and I’ll finish off Evan too. I’m sorry it has to be like this, but it’s an emergency.” “John, please, don’t do anything to—”

“I won’t do any of it if you come. They’ll be safe.”

My mind spun. Think, Sara. Think.

“We can meet, okay? We can meet and we’ll talk about it.”

“No, that’s not good enough. You and Ally come or I finish them off.”

“Okay. Just give me a bit to make a plan. The police, they’re watching the hospital and our house because they don’t know who shot Evan. It’s not safe for me to meet you right now. I have to find a way to sneak off.” “If they find out about this call, I’ll kill Evan, if you tell them you’re meeting me, I’ll kill Evan. If you bring them with you, I’ll kill Evan. If—”

“Stop threatening me! I have to be careful how I do this. I need some time. To think. You can’t just—”

“It has to be this afternoon — at the park.”

This afternoon?

“Ally, she’s at school. If I yank her out, people will ask questions — and there’s a patrol car watching her.”

He paused for a moment, then said, “Tonight at the park — six o’clock. Make sure no one follows you. Tell anyone, and Evan’s dead.”

He hung up.

My legs were shaking as I walked back to Evan’s room. I stopped at the door and peeked in. He was sleeping. I watched him for a moment, still struggling to get a grip on everything that had just happened. No point waking him and asking what to do — I already knew his answer — so I left. The patrol officer who was supposed to be guarding him was getting a coffee from the vending machine at the end of the hall. Should I tell him about the call? But what if John was watching from somewhere in the hospital?

I had to think, had to focus. Should I meet John alone or talk to the police? But what if I talked and John made good on his threat?

No, I had to tell the police. This was too big. But if John found out, he said he’d kill Evan. Stop, Sara, think it through. There was no way John would know if I talked to the cops, he was just trying to scare me. But when I tried to call Billy, there was no answer. He was probably at the hospital with Nadine. I had to talk to someone now.

Sandy answered on the first ring. I started filling her in.

“You have to slow down, Sara. I’m not getting all of this.”

“There’s no way I’m taking Ally to meet him, Sandy. I told him she was in school. But I don’t know what to do.”

“Yesterday you were dead set against meeting John. How do you feel about it now?” Her voice was tense.

For a moment I panicked. Dad and Evan would freak. Then I felt all my pieces snap into place. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought. There was only one way this was ever going to end.

“I want to do it. I’m ready. But I can’t bring Ally. If I show up, as bait or whatever, can you arrest him before he realizes Ally’s not with me?”

“If he’s watching from a distance and sees she’s not there, he might follow through on his threats.”

“There’s got to be some way to flush him out that doesn’t involve Ally.”

She was quiet for a moment, then said, “Let’s talk about it when you get here. Just drive home slowly and don’t do anything abnormal in case John’s following. Don’t alert the officers at the hospital, I’ll take care of it. Don’t even pick up your cell while you’re driving — he might panic if he thinks you’re calling us. Think of him like a bomb, Sara. It won’t take much to set him off.” “But what if it’s him calling?”

“Do not engage in another conversation with him until we have a plan.”

“Are you going to beef up the security for Evan and Nadine?”

“They’re already under protection. If we send more and he’s watching, he’ll know you’ve alerted us.”

“What about Billy, should I call him and—”

“I’ll fill Billy in.” Her voice was firm. “Just stay calm and we’ll talk more when you get here.”

The next hour was the longest drive of my life. It was already a hot day, but my body was slick with nervous sweat, my hands clammy as I gripped the wheel. I didn’t have cell coverage most of the way, so I wasn’t sure if John had tried to reach me again. I checked my rearview mirror constantly, wondering if he was following or if he was down in Nanaimo. What if he was watching Ally’s school and realized she wasn’t there?

Still running worst-case scenarios in my mind as I neared my house, I shot through a yellow light and the patrol car following me stopped at the red. He turned on his lights, but a large tractor-trailer was going through the intersection. As I pulled in my driveway, I noticed that the patrol car normally parked on the road was gone. He must’ve been relieved by the one following me. I jumped out of the SUV and sprinted to the front door.

I shoved my key into the lock and called out, “It’s me — Sara. I’m home.” No sounds of feet running. No Moose barking.

As I turned the key I realized the door wasn’t locked. Sandy would never leave the door unlocked. I hesitated — could John be inside? Adrenaline rushed through my body. My daughter was in there.

I pushed open the door.

The house was quiet.

“Sandy? Ally? Hello?”

I raced upstairs and checked Ally’s room. She wasn’t there. One of her shoes was kicked off into the middle of the room. She was wearing them this morning.

I ran down the hall to my room. Empty. Were they in the backyard? I sprinted downstairs and opened the sliding glass door. As soon as I stepped out I saw Sandy hog-tied on the ground by my feet.

For a minute my mind couldn’t compute the image, then it hit. I dropped to my knees beside her.

“Sandy!” I wanted to shake her and scream, Where’s Ally? But her face was turned to the side and a rivulet of blood trickled from her nose. The back of her head was matted with blood. I spotted an envelope lying near her shoulder, my name scrawled on it in bold letters. There was a cell and a folded piece of paper inside. I unfolded the note. The writing was messy, but the words leaped out: If you ever want to see Ally again don’t tell anyone.… Before I could read the rest something fell out of the envelope. I picked it up. It was a lock of Ally’s hair, one soft, dark ringlet. The air left my throat in a long moan.

A man shouted from inside the house, “Everything okay? The door was wide open!”

The patrolman.

I opened my mouth to scream that Ally was missing. Stop, think. What if John killed her? If I told the police she was gone they’d never let me out of the house.

I heard myself yell, “Sandy’s hurt!”

His feet were heavy. “Officer down. Officer down!” He came through the sliding glass door with a radio to his mouth. I shoved the cell and note into my pocket and stood up on shaky legs.

“She’s breathing, but her head’s bleeding, and—”

He pushed me out of the way, checked Sandy’s pulse. I stared at his back. Should I tell him about the note?