I thought of Jenny’s ripped face, her wrecked eyes, and caught myself hoping that Fiona would convince the doctors to keep her doped up to the gills for a good long time.
Richie flipped pages faster. He asked, “What about Conor? Were you planning on having another go at him tonight?”
I checked my watch. It was past eight o’clock. “No. Let him stew a while longer. Tomorrow we’ll hit him with everything we’ve got.”
That made Richie’s knees start jiggling, under his desk. He said, “I’ll give Kieran a ring before I head. See if he’s come up with anything new on Pat’s websites.”
He was already reaching for the phone. “I’ll do it,” I said. “You do the report for the Super.” I shoved it onto his desk before he could argue.
Even at that hour, Kieran actually sounded pleased to hear from me. “Kemosabe! I was just thinking about you. One question: am I da man, or am I totally da man?”
For a second I thought matching the jaunty tone would take more than I had left. “I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re totally da man. What have you got for me?”
“You would be correctamundo. To be honest, when I got your e-mail I was like, yeah, right, even if your guy did take his weasel issues somewhere else, the web’s a big place; how am I meant to find him, Google ‘weasel’? But remember that partial URL the recovery software tossed up? The home-and-garden forum?”
“Yeah.” I gave Richie the thumbs-up. He left the form on his desk and scooted his chair over to mine.
“We checked it out back when I first told you about it: went through the last two months of posts. Closest we got to drama was a couple of guys on the DIY board having a dick-measuring contest about drywalling, whatever the hell that is, which frankly I don’t actually care? No one was harassing anyone-there’s a decent chance this could be the most boring forum ever-no one matched your victim and no one was called anything like sparklyjenny, so we moved on. But then I got your e-mail and I had a brainwave: we could’ve been looking for the wrong thing, at the wrong time.”
I said, “It wasn’t Jenny who posted there. It was Pat.”
“Bada-bing. And not in the last two months, either. It was back in June. He last posted on Wildwatcher on the thirteenth, right? If he tried anywhere else in the next couple of weeks, I haven’t found it yet, but on the twenty- ninth of June he shows up on the Nature and Wildlife section of the home-and-garden site, going under Pat-the-lad again. He’d posted on the site before, like a year and a half ago-something to do with his toilet backing up-so probably that’s why it occurred to him. Want me to forward the link?”
“Please. Now, if you can.”
“Once more with feeling, Kemosabe: am I da man?”
“You are totally da man.” The corner of Richie’s mouth twitched. I gave him the finger. I knew I couldn’t get away with talking like that, but I didn’t care.
“Music to my ears,” Kieran said. “Link coming atcha,” and he hung up.
Pat’s thread on the home-and-garden site started the same way as his Wildwatcher thread: a rundown of the facts, quick and neat, the kind of rundown I would have been pleased to get from any of my floaters. Where the Wildwatcher thread had ended, though, this one kept going.
I’ve checked for scat a few times but no dice, the thing must be going outside to do its business. I put down flour to try and get paw prints but no joy there either, when I went back up to check the flour was sort of smudged and brushed around (can post pix if that helps) but no prints. Only physical sign I’ve seen is about 10 days ago the thing was going nuts, so I went up in the attic + right under the hole were four long stalks w leaves on, still green (??looked like something off one of the plants from down by the beach? no clue, city guy here) + a piece of wood about 4in x4-worn down, w bits of green paint peeling off, like maybe a piece of plank out of a boat. Have no clue a) why any animal would want it or b) how it got it into attic, hole under eaves is only barely big enough. Again can post pix if they could help.
“We saw that lot,” Richie said quietly. “In his wardrobe. Remember?”
The biscuit tin, tucked away on Pat’s wardrobe shelf. I had taken it for granted they were gifts from the kids, saved for their sweetness. “Yeah,” I said. “I remember.”
Put out another trap that nite w piece of chicken in it but no joy. Have had people suggest a mink, marten, stoat, but all of those would go for chicken wouldn’t they? + why would they be bringing in leaves + wood? Would really like to know what’s up there.
He caught the board’s interest straightaway, just like he had caught Wildwatcher’s. Within minutes he had replies. Someone thought the animal was moving in and bringing the whole family: Stockpiling leaves and wood could indicate nesting behavior. June is late in the year for that… but you never know. Have you checked whether any more nesting materials have been added since then?
Someone else thought he was making a fuss over nothing. If I were you I wouldnt worry about it. If it was a predator (in other words-anything dangerous) then it would of had to be something smart enough to stay away from free meat. I cant think of anything that would do that. Have you thought about squirrels?? Mice?? Or could be birds? Magpies? Maybe since your near the sea something like seagulls??
When he checked back in, the next day, Pat sounded unconvinced. Hi yeah, could be squirrels all right, but have to say from the noises it sounds way bigger. I’m not taking this as definite, cos the acoustics in the house are really weird (someone can be at the other end of the house + sound like they’re right next to you) but when its stamping around up there, sounds the size of like a badger to be honest w you-I know there’s no way a badger could get up there but defo bigger than a squirrel or a magpie + way bigger than a mouse. Not mad about the idea of having a predator that’s too clever to fall for traps. Also not mad about the idea of it nesting up there. Haven’t been up recently but guess I’ll have to go check it out.
The guy who had suggested mice still wasn’t impressed. You said yourself the acoustics are weird. Their probably just amplifing the noises from a couple of mice or something. Your not in Africa or somewhere that it could be a leopard or whatever. Seriously keep going with the mouse traps try different kinds of bait and forget it.
Pat was still online: Yeah that’s what my wife thinks, actually she thinks prob some kind of bird (wood pigeons?) cos pecking would explain the tapping noises. Thing is she hasn’t actually heard it-noises are always either a) late at night when she’s asleep (haven’t been sleeping great the last while myself so awake at odd hours) or b) when she’s cooking + I’d have the kids upstairs out of her way. So she doesn’t realize how loud + basically impressive it is. Trying not to mention it too often/make a big deal out of it cos I don’t want to freak her out but starting to get to me a bit to be honest. No I’m not worried its going to like rip us limb from limb but would be a big relief to just know what it is. Will check out attic + update asap, any + all advice appreciated.
The floaters were packing up, making sure to do it just loudly enough that I would notice how late they had stayed. “Good night, Detectives,” one of them said, when they were hovering in the doorway. Richie said automatically, “Safe home, see yous tomorrow;” I raised a hand and kept scrolling.
It was late the next night, coming up to midnight, before Pat got back online. OK went up to the attic and checked it out, no more nesting materials or whatever. Only thing is one of the roof beams is covered all over in what looks like claw marks. Have to say I’m kind of freaked out because they look like they’re from something pretty big. Thing is though, not positive I’d actually checked out that beam before (its way off in back corner) so they could have been there for ages, like even before we moved in-that’s what I’m hoping anyway!
The guy who had suggested nesting was watching the thread: within a few minutes of Pat’s post, he was on with another suggestion. I assume you have a hatch going up to the attic. In your situation I would leave the hatch open, mount a camcorder pointing at the hatch and I would press Record just before you go to bed or before your wife begins to cook dinner. Sooner or later the animal will get curious… and you will get footage. If you are worried that it will come down into the main house and be dangerous if trapped then you can nail some chicken wire over the opening. Hope this helps.
Pat came back fast and buoyant: just the thought of having the animal in his sights had lifted his spirits. Brilliant idea-thanks a mill! At this stage its been in + out of the house for like a month + a half, so not too worried it’ll suddenly decide to attack at this point. Actually wouldn’t mind if it did, I’d give it something to think about, if I can’t take it down then I deserve whatever it can dish out right? He followed that up with three little emoticons rolling back and forth, laughing. I’d just like to get a good look at the thing, don’t
