Wife 22

me. It seems like we’ve gotten to the point where our experiences, our memories-our entire lives, actually-aren’t real unless we post about them online. I wonder if we might miss the days of being unreachable.

All the best,

Researcher 101

From: Wife 22 ‹[email protected]›

Subject: Re: Unreachability

Date: May 18, 1:25 PM

To: researcher101 ‹[email protected]›

Researcher 101,

I do not long for the old, unreachable days. When I’m plugged in I can go anywhere, do and learn anything. Today, for instance, I visited a tiny library in Portugal. I learned how the Shakers weave baskets and I discovered my best friend in middle school loves blood-orange sorbet. Okay, I also learned that a certain pop star actually believes she’s a fairy, an honest-to-goodness fairy from the fey people, but my point is access. Access to information. I don’t even have to look out my window to see what the weather is like. I can have the weather delivered every morning to my phone. What could be better?

Sincerely,

Wife 22

From: researcher101 ‹[email protected]›

Subject: Weather

Date: May 18, 1:26 PM

To: Wife 22 ‹[email protected]›

Wife 22,

Getting caught in the rain?

All the best,

Researcher 101

20

WEEKEND FORECAST

THE BUCKLE HOUSEHOLD

529 IRVING DRIVE

ALERT: Rapidly Developing Class 3 Marital Storm

Saturday AM

Windchill: Cold. Extremely cold. Freezing out husband while trying to pretend nothing is wrong.

Hi: Making it through day without screaming.

Lo: Head in hands. Soft moaning. Constant bouts of shame and mortification imagining KKM employees emailing Cialis video to hundreds of friends and said video then going viral.

Visibility: Limited. Refuse to look above husband’s jaw in order to avoid eye contact.

Share Weather: send to [email protected]

Instant Message from [email protected]

Nedra: Poor William!

Alice: Poor William? Poor me!

Nedra: This is what you get for going behind William’s back.

Alice: Did you even watch the video?

Nedra: Want my advice?

Alice: That depends. What will it cost me?

Nedra: Forget you ever saw it.

Saturday PM

Heat Index: Very High. Boiling hot.

Hi: Sitting on the couch watching Masterpiece Theatre.

Lo: Mentally trying to count the number of times we’ve had sex in the past twenty years while pretending to watch Masterpiece Theatre. Can’t do sums in head. Use fingers to add. Estimate 859. What’s wrong with that?

Visibility: Poor to none. Dense fog while trying to guess the number of times we’ll have sex in the next twenty years.

Share Weather: send to [email protected]

Instant Message from [email protected]

Nedra: Do not withhold sex.

Alice: Why not?

Nedra: This is not about sex.

Alice: What’s it about?

Nedra: Intimacy. There’s a difference.

Alice: What do you suggest?

Nedra: Reach out to him.

Alice: What kind of a divorce lawyer are you?

Sunday PM

Wind: Calming.

Hi: Horoscope says unexpected romance on its way.

Lo: Viewing Cialis video for the eighth time. In my defense, repeated viewings of video are the best way to desensitize myself to the horrific public humiliation inflicted by my husband. I think I deserve a medal. I tell my family I deserve a medal. For what, they ask.

Drought Conditions: Improving. I sat next to him on the couch.

Share Weather: Send to [email protected]

Instant Message from [email protected]

Nedra: Did you delete the bloody video?

Alice: Yes.

Nedra: Good girl. Now move on.

Alice: Horoscope says romance is on the way.

Nedra: Sure it is, sweetheart.

Alice: I just have to be patient.

Nedra You have it good. You know that, don’t you?

Alice: Being patient is not easy for a Virgo.

Nedra: Or a divorce lawyer. CU.

21

26. Not emptying out the coffee grinds. Pee on the bathroom floor. Not shutting the bathroom door while peeing. Reading over my shoulder. Jeans inside-out in the laundry basket.

27. Three, okay, five.

28. Once a year.

29. In every way. In no way. I can’t answer that question.

30. A book of stamps.

31. He was waiting in the courtyard of the Charles Hotel. Wearing his Walkman. He nodded