Wife 22

“You’re crying, Shonda,” says Tita.

“So are you, Tita,” says Shonda.

“I’m not crying,” says Pat, sniffling.

We’re all in different parts of the room, but it feels like we’ve joined hands. This is what happens with the Mumble Bumbles-this sudden sort of swelling and gathering each other up.

“When I was young, forty-five seemed so old,” I say. “My mother seemed so old.”

Liam uncurls his fist and I slide in my pinkie. He grasps it tightly and brings it to his mouth.

“But now that I’m almost forty-five it seems so young. My mother was such a baby. She had so much life ahead of her.”

“And so do you,” says Tita softly.

“I’ve gotten everything all wrong. Zoe doesn’t have an eating disorder. Peter isn’t gay.”

“Just because she passed away doesn’t mean you can’t speak to her, Alice,” says Shonda.

“That marriage study was a stupid idea. I screwed up at work.”

“The conversation never stops,” says Tita.

I nestle my face into Liam’s blankets. “He’s so beautiful.”

“She’d want you to pass her, Alice,” says Shonda.

“Please, please let me take care of him sometimes,” I beg, standing up.

“To not pass her would be a betrayal,” says Pat.

“I feel like I’m saying goodbye,” I say.

“Not just goodbye, but hello,” says Tita. “There you are. Hello, Alice Buckle.”

I walk to Pat’s bedside, tears streaming down my face, and hand Liam back to her.

“Everybody dreads their tipping-point year,” says Tita. “They think if they just don’t pay attention to it, it’ll go away. I don’t know why you all make such a big fuss. Not when this is what’s on the other side of it.”

The Mumble Bumbles gather around me and soon we’re a crying, hugging mob, one tiny human in the middle of us, the future, his finger pointed up toward the sky.

97

FESTIVE ITALIAN POTLUCK AT NEDRA’S HOUSE

6:30: Standing in Nedra’s kitchen

Me: Here’s the pasta sauce. I brought two kinds. Mushroom and three-cheese.

Nedra: That’s very nice, but you’re an hour early.

Zoe: Is Jude home?

Nedra: In his room, darling. Go on in. What time does the movie start?

Zoe: Seven.

Nedra: Have fun!

Me: I thought we could go over the maid-of-honor responsibilities.

Nedra (watching Zoe walk away): This makes me very, very happy. The two of them back together. Does it make you happy?

Me: Did you hear what I just said?

Nedra: Show up.

Me: I’m right here.

Nedra: On my wedding day-show up. That is your responsibility.

Me: Done. I’ll even wear a hideous Queen Victoria dress.

Nedra: I bought you a beautiful dress.

Me: You did?

Nedra: A halter-top. Very flattering. You’ve got great shoulders and arms. You should show them off.

Me: I have something to tell you. About Researcher 101.

Nedra: You don’t have to tell me anything, Alice. In fact, I’d rather not hear it. La-la-la-la- la.

Me: I think it’s over.

Nedra (sighing): It wasn’t over before?

Me: He’s going to try and make it work with his wife.

Nedra: He has a wife?

Me: Stop, Nedra. Please. I just told you it’s over.

Nedra: So you’re going to try and make it work with William?

Me: Well, that’s the funny thing. It doesn’t seem like work right now.

Bobby (walking into the kitchen): Ladies! I know I’m early. I hope I’m not interrupting. But look at this gorge-o bread. Smell it. Here (ripping off the end). La Farine. Just out of the oven. Have a bite.

Nedra: Where’s Linda?

Bobby: She’s not going to be able to make it.

Me: Well, looks like we’ll all be partnerless. William and Kate can’t make it either.

Nedra: What’s Linda’s excuse?

Bobby: She’s divorcing me. I got the potluck. She got everything else.

7:30: In Nedra’s living room

Nedra: I hate to say it, but I knew the twin master suites were the beginning of the end.

Bobby: I want to get high. I deserve to get high. Do you have any pot, Nedra? Alice, you don’t have to sit so far away. Divorce is not contagious.

Nedra: Actually, you’re wrong. Divorce is a sort of contagion. I see it all the time. A man comes in looking for representation and then a few weeks later another man comes in, a friend of the first man, just wanting to know his rights and all, but just in case, he’s brought along a comprehensive list of all the marital assets, the last three years of income tax returns, and a recent pay stub. Alice, you stay right where you are.

Bobby (starting to cry): She wants to move to New York to be closer to the kids.

Nedra (getting up): Bloody hell. Hold on.

Me (sitting next to him on the couch): Don’t cry, Bobby B.

Bobby: I love it when you call me that. You’re such a nice woman. Why didn’t I marry you?

Me: I’m no prize, believe me.

Bobby: I’ve always envied William.

Me: You have?

Bobby: Even after twenty years together, the two of you are still so connected.

Me: We are?

Bobby: It used to drive Linda crazy. She thought you guys were faking it. I told her you can’t fake passion like that.

Nedra (walking back into the room, holding a joint): Success!

Me: Jude smokes?

Nedra (lighting the joint and inhaling): Of course not. It’s mine.