A Mistletoe Proposal

was here for ever and there would be “New day, new hope, new life”. And it seemed to fit us so exactly that I began to sing the words. Jack looked a bit embarrassed. I’ll never forget that look on his face, but of course it was because he was about to tell me that it was all over.

‘I had some mistletoe that I’d been keeping hidden, waiting for the right moment to produce it. I thought it was the perfect moment. I brought out the mistletoe and held it up, saying “This is where you’re supposed to kiss me.”

‘But he just looked more embarrassed, and suddenly blurted out that he would never kiss me again. It was over. He was marrying someone else. I just stood there, trying to take it in, and all the time those words were floating up from the street. Since then, I’ve never been able to hear them without a shudder, but until that day I didn’t know how deep it went.’

‘But one song-’

‘That’s what I’ve tried to tell myself, but it’s more. That one carol seems to sum it all up. The very fact that we were so happy seems like a threat. I’m afraid of happiness. I daren’t let myself feel it because I can’t face what happens when it ends.’

‘And you think it will end with us? You don’t trust me to be true to you? How can I prove it?’

‘You can’t. It’s my fault, not yours. After Jack, I shut out love, hid myself away from it. That’s why I live as I do, because it keeps love away. Let people think of me as a floozie who doesn’t need real feeling! It makes me angry sometimes, but it also keeps me safe, and safe is what I want to be more than anything in the world.’

‘More than anything in the world?’ Roscoe echoed slowly. ‘More than everything we could have together? More than the love we would share over the years, more than our children, our grandchildren?’

‘Stop it,’ Pippa whispered. ‘Please, please stop it.’

He moved closer, not holding her, but letting her feel the warmth of his breath on her face.

‘No, I won’t stop it,’ he whispered. ‘I won’t stop because I’m going to make sure that you remember me. I won’t let you just shut me out as though our love didn’t count. Do you think I’m going to let you off so easily? I’m not. I’m going to make sure you remember me every moment.’

Now he touched her, laying his mouth against hers, caressing her with his lips, then whispering, ‘Feel me, and remember me. I’ll always be here. You’ll never be rid of me, do you understand?’

‘Yes,’ she murmured. ‘I don’t want to be rid of you, but I can’t be with you. I’d make you wretched and destroy you, and I won’t do that.’

‘Tell me that you love me.’

‘I love you-I love you-’

‘And you belong to me.’

‘Yes, I belong to you, and I always will. But please go away, Roscoe-please forget me-’

‘Never in life. When I leave this room I’ll be with you. When you wake up tomorrow morning I’ll be with you. When you go to bed I’ll be with you. When you dream of love and feel hands touching and caressing you, they’ll be my hands, although I may be far away. As the years pass I’ll be with you. I won’t set you free-ever.’

His kiss intensified. She felt his mouth crushing hers for one fierce moment, before it softened again, leaving only tenderness behind. Then she was alone and he was backing away to the door, not taking his eyes from her.

‘Forgive me,’ she cried. ‘Forgive me!’

‘Perhaps,’ he said quietly. ‘One day.’

He walked out.

An unexpected knock on her door turned out to be Charlie, dressed in a heavy overcoat, swathed in a scarf.

‘It’s freezing out there,’ he said, coming in. ‘I came because I wanted to tell you myself. Even if I don’t win the show, my agent has fixed me up with a load of dates and I’m on my way.’

He finished with a yell of triumph and they embraced eagerly.

‘Is Ginevra pleased for you?’ she asked.

‘Probably. We’re not in touch. Last I heard from her was a text wishing me luck and saying not to contact her any more.’

‘Do you mind?’

‘Nope. There’s a girl…well, anyway…’

‘Have fun,’ Pippa chuckled. ‘You’ve been taking things too seriously for too long.’

‘Well, that’s over and I’m glad. I swear I’ll never take anything seriously again.’

‘How’s Roscoe coping with the change in you?’

‘Resigned, I think. I hardly see him now. Since the tie-up with Vanlen came to nothing, he’s in the office all the time.’

‘There’s not going to be a merger?’

‘No. I’m not sure what happened but I’ve heard there was a big row. Vanlen wanted to go ahead and merge; Roscoe didn’t. Vanlen made threats; Roscoe told him to do his worst. Vanlen stormed off.’ Charlie suddenly became awkward. ‘Actually, I thought you might have seen Roscoe more recently.’

‘The last time I saw him was at your mother’s house on the night of the show, and I only went because you assured me he wouldn’t be there.’

He was wide-eyed. ‘Did I say that? I don’t remember.’

‘Stop telling porkies. You promised I wouldn’t bump into him. But he said you knew he’d be there. How did you get that so wrong, Charlie?’

‘Ah-well-’

She surveyed him suspiciously. ‘You set us up to meet, didn’t you?’

‘Who, me?’ His air of innocence was perfectly contrived, and she would have believed it if she hadn’t known him so well by now.

‘Yes, you.’

‘How can you think that I-? Oh hell, yes of course I did. I was hoping the two of you would see sense if I helped things along.’

‘You’ve got an almighty nerve, playing Cupid.’

‘Why shouldn’t I? I need a big sister, and I’ve chosen you. Besides which, it’s always handy having a lawyer in the family. There are bound to be times in the future when-well, you know.’

Her lips twitched. ‘Yes, I do know.’

Charlie became briefly serious. ‘But that’s not really the reason, Pippa. Both Mother and I want you in the family because you make Roscoe human. Without you he’ll go to the dogs.’ He resumed his clowning manner. ‘So get on with it, OK? Right, now I’ve got to go. I just wanted to see you again and say thanks for everything.’

He gave her a brotherly kiss and was gone, taking with him her last connection with Roscoe.

At their parting she’d said a final goodbye, but still she clung to the hope that he would refuse to accept her rejection. But he neither called her nor turned up on her doorstep. In the next few days their only contact was a letter:

I had a long talk with Mother last night. I think we were both equally surprised that it was possible, but once we started it grew easier. She told me how she’d felt, things that I hadn’t known, and actually asked my forgiveness if she’d failed me. I told her there was nothing to forgive. Without you, it would never have happened. For the rest of my life you can ask anything of me that you wish and it will be yours. As I am yours.

It was signed simply, Roscoe.

He had said that she would never be alone and she found that, mysteriously, it was true. The apartment echoed with emptiness, yet he was always present, along with her other silent companions. There was Dee, accusing her of cowardice, and Mad Bruin, echoing Dee’s thoughts, as he always had.

Cowardice? Am I really a coward?

If you had any real nerve, Dee told her, you’d go back to Trafalgar Square and face that Christmas tree and those carols.

That’s what you’d have done, isn’t it? But I’m not brave enough. I’d always be watching Roscoe, wondering if his love was failing, and I won’t do that to him.

It’s nearly Christmas. Soon the lights will go out and it’ll be too late for another year. It’s now or