voice.
‘Darling, it is-’
‘It’s not from Daddy-’ Her words were coming jerkily now. ‘It’s not from Daddy because-because Daddy’s dead-he’s dead-he’s dead-’
‘Darling-’ Laura touched her gently. ‘Daddy isn’t dead-’
‘He is, he is,’ Nikki cried. ‘That’s why he never comes to see me, because he’s dead,
She burst out crying bitterly, burying her face in her arms on the table. Her shoulders heaved with sobs.
Gino closed his eyes.
The others slipped quietly away, knowing that they had no place here. Laura put her arms around Nikki and drew her child close. Her face was distraught as she realised the catastrophic mistake she had made.
‘Darling,’ she said soothingly, ‘darling, oh, my darling-I’m so sorry.’
Gino began to move to the door, but over Nikki’s shoulder Laura’s eyes frantically met his. With a little shake of her head she begged him not to go.
He hesitated. Much as he longed to help, this was surely something that Nikki and her mother must resolve together. He was afraid of making things worse. But he couldn’t ignore the appeal in Laura’s eyes, or the heartbroken sobs coming from the child.
‘Nikki,’ Laura was saying, stroking her head, ‘let me-’
But she was checked by a shriek. Nikki flung her mother’s hand off and jumped up from the chair.
‘Daddy’s dead!’ she screamed. ‘He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead! I hate you, I hate you.’
Tears were pouring down Laura’s face.
‘Daddy loved me,’ Nikki screamed, ‘and if-if he was alive he’d be here, and he’d give me a present and a card. He wouldn’t go away and leave me because he loved me best in all the world. You’re a liar
Her voice rose to a shriek of anguish. Wail after wail poured from her while her arms flailed in all directions, as if she would fend off the whole world. When Laura tried to reach for her Nikki lashed out, refusing to allow her mother near her.
‘Nikki, please,’ Laura begged.
The little girl’s only answer was another shriek. The misery of years, bottled up, had finally been released in an unstoppable explosion.
Appalled by such agony, Gino realised that neither words nor reason would be any help now. Only one thing could help, and he did it.
Dropping to his knees in front of Nikki he put his arms around her and drew her tightly against him, ignoring her flailing fists that pummelled madly against his head and shoulders.
At last Nikki gave up fighting him and stood with her arms about his neck, sobbing violently.
She went on crying, and he let her do so, not trying to calm her, except by the firm pressure of his arms, with their silent message of safety and affection. He knew she must end this in her own good time.
Laura watched them, devastated, yet desperately thankful that there was someone for the two of them to cling onto.
It seemed to take a long time, but at last Nikki’s tears abated. Too exhausted to weep any more, she just stood, clinging to Gino, hiccuping.
‘Yes?’
‘You’re strangling me.’
Nikki gave a choking laugh and slightly loosened her grip. But she did not release him. He was safety.
‘Your poor Momma,’ he chided gently. ‘You frightened her.’
‘Sorry,’ Nikki whispered.
‘It’s all right, darling,’ Laura said.
There was an ominous pause. They were in a mine-field.
‘We’ll talk about it later,’ Gino said firmly. ‘Much later. Now we have important things to do.’
‘What important things?’ Nikki asked huskily.
‘We have a funfair to go to. There’s one in the park. I think they put it there to celebrate your birthday.’
Disengaging herself from Gino’s arms Nikki hugged her mother.
‘I didn’t mean it, Mummy. I just-I just-’
‘It’s all right,’ Laura said quickly. ‘It’s really all right. Why don’t you go and wash your face?’
She was talking for the sake of talking, anything to let the dangerous moment slip past. When Nikki had gone away she said desperately, ‘Are we going to let it hang in the air, with nothing settled?’
‘It might be best,’ Gino said. ‘She’s told you what she needs to believe. You can’t confirm it, but you don’t have to deny it. Just let it go for a while.’
‘I should have listened to you,’ Laura admitted. ‘But I thought she’d like to hear from him.’
‘She prefers to think of him as dead,’ Gino said sadly, ‘because death is easier to cope with than rejection. A present and a card are all very well, but he wasn’t here, was he? She knows they weren’t really from him, just as, in her heart, she knows he’s abandoned her. But she doesn’t
She gazed at him, shaking her head in wonder. ‘How do you understand so much?’
He’d been puzzling about that himself, mystified at his own instinctive knowledge. But now the conscious memory came back to him.
‘I once consoled myself with a similar fantasy,’ he said in a tone of discovery. ‘My mother died when I was about Nikki’s age, and for a long time I wouldn’t let myself believe it. I’m nearly ten years younger than my brother, so I suppose she made a favourite of me, the way the baby of the family tends to become a favourite.
‘I just couldn’t face the fact that she’d gone away for ever. So I told myself she was still alive. I used to talk to my father about her, as though she was coming home at any moment.
‘And Poppa always played up to me. For my sake he’d talk as though she was coming home at any moment, although it must have broken his heart. He was a very wise and loving man.’
Gino stopped and seemed lost in a reverie. Laura had a feeling that their surroundings had vanished and he could see again the Tuscan farmhouse where he’d spent his happy childhood.
‘What happened?’ she asked after a while.
‘On the first anniversary of her death I saw Poppa and Rinaldo getting ready to go out, dressed in their Sunday best. I knew, without anything being said, that they were going to visit her grave. Poppa looked at me, with a question in his eyes, and I put my best clothes on and went with them. I could cope with it then, you see, because Poppa let me pick my own moment.
‘It’s harder for Nikki than it was for me. As I said, death can be endured. It’s rejection that’s unbearable.’
‘And I can’t help her there, can I?’ Laura brooded. She took Gino’s hand. ‘But you can. Only you, it seems, because you’re a man and she can imagine you in her father’s place.’
‘You know I’ll do anything she needs. I can stay with her today if you like. Later on we’ll go to the funfair, the three of us, and anyone else who wants to come.’
In the event the entire household went. Since it was the early evening Bert and Fred weren’t due to go to work until later.
Gino found a stall selling huge silly hats with broad brims, and bought some for himself, Laura and Nikki. Nikki’s covered most of her forehead, leaving her nothing to worry about but enjoying herself.
Everyone halted at the huge roller coaster. Only Nikki was really eager to go on it. Bert and Fred didn’t even pretend not to be cowards. Laura gulped and said she thought she could manage, but Nikki took firm hold of Gino’s hand and said, ‘Come on.’
‘I’m not scared,’ he told Laura faintly. ‘I’m not scared, I’m not scared, I’m not-
At the top of the first long drop there was a camera, clicking away at everyone as they reached the last moment before the ghastly descent. Once back on the ground they bought the picture. It showed Nikki full of exhilaration while Gino regarded the drop with stark, wide-eyed horror. They all had a lot of fun with that.
