‘But how can I-?’
Laura took a deep breath. ‘By marrying her mother. I’m asking you to marry me, Gino.’
As Gino stared at her, wondering if he’d heard properly, Laura said quickly, ‘Don’t say anything. Let me explain what I mean, first.’
‘Explain?’
‘What I have in mind needs some explaining. It wouldn’t be real marriage, you see. In name only. You wouldn’t be tied down. You could live just as you please, have girlfriends if you want, as long as Nikki didn’t know. I wouldn’t ask questions or get jealous.’
‘It doesn’t sound much of a deal for you.’ He was speaking vaguely, trying to get his thoughts in order.
‘All I ask is that you make Nikki happy,’ she said. ‘If you can do that, it’s a wonderful deal for me. The best deal in the world.’
‘Don’t you want anything out of life for yourself?’ he asked gently.
‘Well, I tried that, didn’t I? And look what a mess I made of it. I guess you can’t force life to give you what you want, you have to make the best of the chances it offers. And you’re Nikki’s best chance.’
Still he didn’t say anything and she hurried on, ‘Look, I know I’m older than you-’
‘Not that much. Three years is nothing.’
‘I was only going to say that I wouldn’t embarrass you by falling in love with you, or anything silly.’
‘Yes, that would be silly, I suppose,’ he said wryly.
‘It would be nonsense for both of us, wouldn’t it? I suppose we’re agreed about that. Look at it any way you like, I
‘You’re quite certain, I gather,’ he said with a little smile.
‘Totally, absolutely certain. It’s a promise. And, of course, I wouldn’t expect you to fall in love with me. I know you’re still in love with Alex.’
‘How do you know that?’ he asked quickly.
‘Because while you were delirious you mentioned her name, several times.’
‘While I was speaking in Italian?’
‘Yes, so I didn’t understand anything you said.’
She reckoned heaven would forgive her the lie. The truth would create an awkwardness that would be a barrier between them for ever.
‘I just heard her name,’ she persisted, ‘and it was very obvious that-well-’
‘Laura-’
‘You can’t marry her, but later you might meet someone you really wanted to marry, and we could get a divorce. So you wouldn’t be trapped for ever.’
He stared at her, then rubbed his eyes.
‘I’m getting lost here. Wouldn’t a divorce make the whole thing pointless?’
‘No, because you’d only divorce me, not Nikki. When we were married she could take your name so that she’d feel she was your daughter, which is what she wants. And then she’d always be yours. You wouldn’t desert her as Steve did, so even if we divorced she’d still have a father.’
‘Good grief, Laura!’ he protested. ‘We haven’t agreed to the marriage yet and you’re already planning our divorce. Have you chosen my next wife as well?’
‘I know it may sound a little strange,’ she said hurriedly.
‘But I want you to understand that I’d do all I could to make it easy on you.’
‘But like I said before, everyone gains-except you.’
‘But I would gain, don’t you see? If Nikki has a father who isn’t ashamed of her, that’ll mean all the world to her and that would mean all the world to me. Not gain? I’d gain everything I want.’
He was silent a moment.
‘What about Steve?’ he asked at last.
‘Who’s Steve? He’s over. He doesn’t matter.’
‘And suppose there’s no divorce and I insist on staying married to you for years? That’s your whole life taken up; many years ahead, and Nikki will have gone out into the world.’
‘But how she faces the world will be decided now, and that’s where you come in.’ She gave a light laugh. ‘And if I’m stuck with you for years, well, I’ll just have to put up with it.’
‘Me and my bad temper-’
‘Yeah, right.’
‘I may go out chasing women every night.’
‘You’re welcome, as long as you’re there when Nikki comes in from school. And if you want to be away overnight that’s fine too, as long as we agree a good cover story to tell her, and-’
‘Laura, for pity’s sake!’ he exclaimed, half laughing, half annoyed. ‘A nice idea you have of me!’
‘No, I think only the best of you, but I want you to know that there are no chains.’
‘But if I’m taking on the responsibility of a wife and child, then perhaps there should be a few chains?’ he asked quietly.
‘You’re right,’ she said with a sigh. ‘Of course there’d be chains, whatever I said. I was deluding myself and trying to delude you. Oh, Gino, what was I thinking of? Please forget I said anything. It’s time I was on my way.’
‘Not so fast,’ he said, holding onto her hand so that she couldn’t move. ‘You haven’t had my answer yet.’
‘There’s no need for an answer,’ she said hurriedly, ‘because I’ve withdrawn the question. In fact, I never asked it.’
‘That’s a pity, because I was going to say yes.’
‘Look, I’d better-what did you say?’
Gino spoke in a voice that was suddenly firm. ‘I said yes. I think we should get married as soon as possible.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
GINO was home three days later. They had waited until then to tell Nikki, and when the moment came they did so quietly, almost casually, not suggesting that they were in love, but concentrating on her.
Her reaction was all they had hoped.
‘You’re really going to be my daddy?’ she asked Gino, eyes shining. ‘Honestly?’
‘Honestly,’ he assured her.
Anxiety tinged her voice. ‘You won’t go away?’
‘No,’ he said, understanding at once. ‘I won’t go away.’
They set the date three weeks ahead at the local Register Office. The boarding-house family would be the only guests, and Nikki would be the bridesmaid. They spent a happy day together going around the shops, buying Laura’s wedding outfit, a pale ivory dress that would be useful later. With it she wore a flowered hat, while Nikki had a smaller, matching one that shielded her forehead and made her blissfully happy.
‘It’s going to be the best day ever,’ Nikki said.
Gino looked at her, his head on one side.
‘You know,’ he said in a considering voice, ‘people seeing us together, might think we were really father and daughter. We look fairly alike. Our hair is the same colour. And our eyes.’
Nikki placed herself right in front of him, regarding him steadily.
‘We’re not really alike, though, are we?’ she asked.
Laura’s eyes filled with tears. There was no doubting Nikki’s meaning. She was reminding Gino of her damaged face, standing where he couldn’t help but see it, seriously advising him to think what he was taking on.
She was nine years old.
