‘Do you think you’ll get very much for it?’
He told her how much Belluna was worth.
‘So I am, until I sell up.’
‘But can he raise that kind of money? Don’t farmers have it all ploughed into the earth?’
‘True, but Alex can raise it. She had a London apartment that she must have sold by now. If they buy me out that’ll put a line under everything, and I need not go back there ever again.’
‘Is that what you want Gino-to be cut off from your home for ever?’
He hesitated for the briefest moment before saying, ‘This is my home now.’
‘That’s a nice thing to say, but I don’t think it’s completely true. Tuscany is where you were born and raised, your language, your culture, everything. Part of you is always going to belong there.’
He sighed and didn’t deny it. ‘Just the same,’ he said, ‘it’s best if I don’t go back.’
She knew she should stop here. She could feel him withdrawing from her as she grew dangerously close to his secret self. But she couldn’t make herself stop.
‘Why?’ she persisted. ‘What is it back there that you can’t face?’
‘Does it matter?’
‘It matters to me. Oh, Gino, you’ll never know how much it matters. Tell me.’
‘I can’t,’ he said sharply. ‘I don’t know the answer myself.’
‘I think you do.’
Gino looked at her, and for the first time his face was completely closed against her.
‘I’d rather we left this,’ he said in a hard voice that contained a warning.
‘But I can’t leave it. It’s too important.’
When he didn’t speak she persisted, ‘Why Gino? Why can’t you go back?
CHAPTER TEN
The words seemed to glitter in the air, like knives, flashing between them.
Laura regretted them the moment they were out, but it was too late. Gino rose and threw her a look of bitter reproach.
‘Why do you do this?’ he asked. ‘Why do you threaten what we have with meaningless fears?’
‘How can they be meaningless when you’re afraid too?’
‘Laura, for both our sakes, be quiet. There are things it is better not to say. I have made my life here with you and Nikki. It’s a good life. I’m happier than I ever thought I’d be again.’
‘Yes, happi
‘I can’t make these fine distinctions.’
‘But you know what I mean.’
‘Yes, I do, and I beg you to say no more.’
‘And if I stay quiet, will that change anything? Will the truth you fear go away?’
‘There are some questions I don’t want to ask, not because I’m afraid of the answers, but because there may not be any answers. I want to protect what we have. For pity’s sake, don’t make it hard for me to do that.’
Suddenly her eyes were filled with tears. ‘I don’t know what we have,’ she said huskily. ‘But if we quarrel, we won’t have it any more. Can’t you see that?’
She waited, tense and hopeful for his reply. But none came. After looking at her for a long moment he turned and walked out and she heard him going downstairs.
Because a love on those terms is no love at all, her heart answered. It’s a patchwork love, a make over and mend, artificially constructed from second-hand bits and pieces. And it’s not enough.
Gino didn’t come back to bed all that night. It was the first time since their marriage that they hadn’t slept in the same room.
Next day he greeted her with a kiss and a smile, but he didn’t say any more about selling the farm. Laura would have given anything to understand his thoughts. Perhaps she should be glad that he planned to turn his back on Italy and throw in his lot permanently with her in England.
If only she could convince herself that it was that simple!
One day he said to her, ‘Have you given in your notice at The Running Sheep?’
‘No, you never mentioned it again. I wondered if you’d thought better of it.’
‘I haven’t changed my mind. I want you to tell them that you’re leaving. I’ve written to Rinaldo saying that I want to sell. He should get the letter about now, and he’ll probably telephone.’
After that whenever the phone rang Laura jumped, but the days passed with no call. Gino never spoke of it, or what might be going on inside him, but Laura could sense a rising tension in him, that filled her with foreboding.
When the answer did come it was not a phone call but a letter.
It fell onto the mat in the morning, when Gino was out at work, and she was alone in the house. Laura picked it up, trying to control the sudden racing of her pulse as she saw the Italian stamp.
She couldn’t tell whether the writing belonged to a man or a woman. Had Alex herself written to him?
Laura put the letter on the mantelpiece and tried to forget it. But that was impossible, and she kept returning for another look.
Gino telephoned in the afternoon, as he sometimes did, asking whether there was anything she wanted him to bring from the supermarket near the factory.
‘There’s a letter from Italy,’ she said.
She would have given anything to see his face during the long silence that followed. At last he said, ‘Fine, I’ll see you soon.’
She gave him the letter as soon as he returned home, and watched him grow pale as he read it.
‘What is it?’ she asked in alarm. ‘Does he refuse?’
‘It’s not from Rinaldo,’ Gino said slowly. ‘It’s from Alex.’
‘What does she say?’ Laura asked, trying to speak normally.
‘She says Rinaldo can’t afford to buy me out, but she can, with the money from the sale of her London apartment. She’d buy it in her own name. But first of all she wants to meet us and talk about it.’
‘Us?’
‘She wants me to take you, and Nikki, to Tuscany. She says it’s time we met as a family. She’s mad at me for not bringing you before, or inviting them to our wedding. I suppose she’s right.’
‘Gino, have you only just told them that you’re married?’ she asked, astounded.
He nodded.
‘You quarrelled with them as badly as that?’
‘It wasn’t a quarrel-not exactly. It was just that we couldn’t be close any more. I needed the distance.’
‘Do you still need it?’
‘I think it’s time to do as she suggests,’ he said, not answering directly. ‘The sooner we go the better.’
‘All of us?’
‘All of us, including Nikki. Do you both have passports?’
‘Yes, but-’
‘But what?’
For some reason Laura took fright. ‘But I can’t come. Who’ll run this place?’
