It was gentle, not passionate; a kiss for show, with just enough there to tell the onlookers what they wanted to know, then it was over and he escorted her out.
‘You didn’t mind my doing that?’ he asked as they walked away.
‘No, it was very clever,’ she assured him breathlessly. ‘Just what we needed to finish the show.’ With an effort, she assumed a comically lofty tone. ‘I thought we did that rather well.’
‘So do I. In fact, I think I can hear applause.’
As one, they stopped and took elaborate bows to an unseen audience. People walking in the street hurried to the other side, well away from this alarming pair.
‘You see that?’ she said. ‘They think we’re mad.’
‘How could anybody think that?’ he demanded dramatically.
‘Anyone who knows us, I imagine.’
He tightened his arm around her, not to kiss her now, but to lean sideways and let his cheek rest against her hair.
‘Yes, they don’t know the half of it,’ he agreed.
‘But at least we’re mad together. We have that.’
‘It’s the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now.’
At her doorway, he stopped, saying, ‘Let me take you out somewhere tomorrow night.’
‘Yes, we must be convincing.’
‘No, that’s not the reason. I want to thank you for everything you’re doing. I don’t know how you put up with me.’
‘I work hard at it.’
‘Good. Don’t stop. Tomorrow night, then.’
‘Actually, I can’t,’ she said with dismay. ‘I’m working tomorrow night, and every night until the end of this week.’
‘You’re not trying to dump me already, are you? At least it took Sylvia four months to get fed up with me.’
‘Don’t be daft,’ she chuckled. ‘I’m on duty at the hospital. I’m a working woman.’
‘Then I’ll wait on your pleasure. Let me know the first night you can manage.’
He hesitated, and for a blissful moment she thought he would kiss her. And he did. But only on the tip of her nose. Then he walked away, fast.
Dee entered the house quietly, hoping that her parents would have gone to bed, but they were still up. To her relief, they greeted her calmly and Helen had softened towards Mark.
‘I was a bit hard on him, wasn’t I? It’s not his fault. Is he all right?’
‘He’s coping. I’m trying to help him,’ Dee said. ‘But he needs time. I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.’
She hurried away, unable to endure any more talking. She wanted to be alone with her memories of the evening. Mark’s heart was still Sylvia’s, and she knew she was a long way from the fulfilment of her dream. But for a while she’d had him to herself, enjoyed his whole attention, felt his lips on hers.
In bed she snuggled down, pulling the blankets over her head so that the world was reduced to this tiny space where she could relive his kiss again and again, and dream of the time when it would be truly meant for her.
‘One day,’ she whispered. ‘One day soon-please-’
She was young enough to believe that if she desired something fiercely enough she could make it happen. Wasn’t he already half hers? It was just a question of being patient. She was smiling as she fell asleep.
For the next few days she saw him only briefly as he arrived for work in the garage. Her hours were full as her duties increased. Although still technically a student, she was at the top of her class and often assigned to extra duties around the hospital. These were always carried out under the eagle-eye of her superiors, but she was trusted more than any of the others, due to Mr Royce’s recommendation. He seldom praised her to her face. But she came to realise that he expressed a high opinion of her to others.
When she tried to thank him, he was polite but reserved.
‘You must all become the best nurses in the world,’ he said, ‘because you’ll soon be needed.’
‘You really believe there’ll be a war?’
‘Certainly I do. And so does every thinking person. Now get to work and pass those exams in style.’
From Sylvia there was no word, but one evening, as she was leaving for work, she found a letter for her at the reception desk. It had been delivered by hand.
I dare not write to you at home, in case Mum finds the letter first and tears it up. I know Mum will say I’m a disgrace to the family, and Dad will agree with her because he always does. But perhaps I can explain to you, make you understand.
You’re wondering how I could ever have left Mark, aren’t you? You see, I know how you feel about him. It was there in your eyes when you weren’t guarding them.
I did once think I was in love with him. Any girl would feel that. He’s good-looking, charming and fun. They were all after him and I felt proud that he’d chosen me. But then things went wrong. He seemed to feel that he had the right to do as he liked and never mind anyone else. He didn’t mean to be selfish but he’s made that way. If he wanted to flirt, he flirted. If I showed that I minded, I was ‘making a fuss about nothing’.
On New Year’s Eve, when you saw me fooling around with other lads, I was only trying to make Mark jealous. Even back then he was too sure of me. I thought it wouldn’t hurt him to know he’s not the only man in the world, but it didn’t really work because he’s so self-confident.
Do you remember that talk we had one night, when I said that there were other men who wanted me? I think I already knew that Phil was the one. I know he’s married, and it’s wrong. I’m a ‘bad girl’. But he’s kind and gentle, and he loves me. He tries to please me because it matters to him that I’m happy. Mark never cared in that way.
There was one final paragraph that stood out starkly.
Be careful, my dear. Don’t let Mark hurt you, which he could do very easily. I was lucky. I saw through him, but you might not. Love him a little, if you must, but don’t give him your whole heart. He won’t know what to do with it.
Dee couldn’t read any more. Inside her was a storm of confused feelings. Selfish. Inconsiderate. Self-centred. That was how Sylvia saw Mark, and it wasn’t true. How could she say such things?
Then the real reason came to her. Sylvia was simply trying to justify herself at Mark’s expense. The relief was enormous. Of course he wasn’t anything like that.
CHAPTER SIX
